PAWS / sexual exhaustion - 1.5 years.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by saneagain, May 29, 2018.

  1. saneagain

    saneagain Fapstronaut

    283
    282
    63
    Hello,

    maybe some people remember my posts.

    I suffer from a lot of different symptoms for which no doctors found an explanation.

    Actually I have almost every symptom which is listed here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-acute-withdrawal_syndrome

    In addition I still have constant wet dreams about every 1-2 weeks and tingling sensations all over my body when I rest. Also nerve pain in my mouth for which no dentist could find an explanation. Difficulty breathing and swallowing, muscle tension...

    It stops me from continuing living my life, because I have severe memory and concentration problems, anhedonia and lack of motivation. On top comes the different forms of pain which are terribly disctracting. And the fatigue.

    I am afraid I destroyed my body, I hear constant cracking noises from my jaw and teeth and all the joints in my body crack (way beyond normal) too.

    Any severe PAWS cases reading this? How long did it last?
     
    Last edited: May 29, 2018
  2. bken

    bken Fapstronaut

    982
    1,544
    123
    Yes. I recognize a lot of what you describe. Any symptoms of panic disorder in your case?

    Unfortunately I haven't made a full recovery yet so I can't say how long it lasts, but it can take up to 2 years from what I've read.

    I think the most important thing is to never relapse or cheat in any way, as this will only set you back, even completely reversing your progress.

    Wet dreams seem to occur a lot in your case. Do you think about sex a lot?

    PAWS really is hell and all you can do is wait it out, no doctor is ever going to prescribe you a miracle pill. Antidepressants, of which I'm sure you've taken them by now, are just a band-aid approach. Using the symptoms against this condition by really hating pmo for what it's done to you is the best approach. When temptation sets in, always remember the feelings you've felt after relapsing.

    The best advise I could give is to never treat porn the way you did when you were still addicted. Even once will hurt. A brain in withdrawal is very sensitve, so really do treat porn for the toxic crap that it is.

    How is your diet? A healthy lifestyle should speed up the recovery process. 1.5 years seems like a reasonable amount of time, have you seen any progress in your social anxiety or depression by now? The recovery process really is slow but still, it should get better with time.

    Really do avoid things like cafeine, sugar and processed foods. Especially cafeine can easily trigger the tingling sensations because of the nervous exhaustion. Eat a lot of veggies and lean meats. Starches and hard to digest foods like wheat/gluten are very hard on your system right now. You are better of without those.

    Fasting can have tremendous, positive effects on mood. Exercise is something you should do in moderation. The number 1 way to health is a clean diet and complete abstinence. Absolutely no doubt about that. Heavy technology use is probably something we all struggle with, but you should try to avoid artificial light as much as you can. Laptop radiation and the artificial light can have a profound effect on how you are feeling. Avoid putting your laptop directly above your testicles.

    In any case, avoiding porn alone should make/have made you a lot stronger. Make sure you drink a lot of water. No soda's or alcohol. Have you had any urinary tract or prostate problems?
     
  3. saneagain

    saneagain Fapstronaut

    283
    282
    63
    Maybe. 2 years ago I started having panic attacks every now and then. Now I don't. I am in permanent state of depersonalization. Feeling like I am outside of my body.

    Yes, I can't control my thoughts at times. I give my best though. If I don't masturbate I get a sex dream about every 2 weeks, which results in a wet dream.

    I haven't tried any ADs. I was reluctant with taking SSRIs since they can have heavy sexual side effects. I also asked my neurologist for Wellbutrin/Bupropion. I have a pack here, but haven't tried it also... Do you have any experience with ADs?

    It's good. I significantly reduced alcohol compared to how I was living before, and I am planning to ditch it completely. I eat only what my mom cooks. Fast food only on rare ocasions. Zero caffeine. Lots of vegetables, fruit. Only high quality juices in moderate amounts.

    I don't even remember the last time I drank caffeine. I am not talking about some light tingling. I am talking about a feeling like I am hit by electricity all the time. Like it is running over my skin permanently. My muscles hurt. My skin is burning. I feel like I am sqeezed.

    I work out twice a week.

    I don't have social anxiety. I feel completely spaced out, like I don't have any feelings at all + depersonalization. Depression has improved slightly. The strong desire to kill myself is not there anymore. But I still cant enjoy anything really.

    I suffered from frequent urination, also urination at night, which I never had before in my life. But this has improved and I don't notice it as much anymore.
     
  4. PMO addict

    PMO addict Fapstronaut

    I could identify with some of the symptoms you listed. Sexual exhaustion always used to scare me when I'd read about it. I tried to deny that it was real, and keep acting out. Sometimes I did PMO many times per day or edged for hours a day. So, I guess I'll just stay clean one day at a time. It's not like my lifes gonna be better by starting PMO again. It will just make it worse. I go for walks in nature almost every day, go to meetings and meditate. But, IDK. I get alotta pains, and shortness of breath.
     
  5. bken

    bken Fapstronaut

    982
    1,544
    123
    From your answer I can tell everyone experiences PAWS differently. In my case it's mostly symptoms of social anxiety/panic/low mood. You describe a lot of physical sensations.

    I have indeed taken anti-depressants for quite some time, to help manage the anxiety. These mostly numb you enough to not really feel anything at all.

    I think that for some it's more of a mental thing whilst for others it involves physical pain? I feel the tingling, but not as you describe. It's more of an antsy feeling in my case.

    Not sure why our symptoms are not the same, as I would have thought. Perhaps different parts of the brain can be affected in PAWS? I have absolutely no idea. But it really does sound as if you are going through a lot as well. Time heals all wounds right?
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  6. bken

    bken Fapstronaut

    982
    1,544
    123
    By the way I did have the shortness of breath as well, I'd almost forget, since it has gotten a lot better. The muscle weakness is also something I've had. These symptoms also occur with the sensations of panic.
    This should really get better with time. Do you still masturbate, but without porn? If so you should consider leaving that out as well, but the frequent wet dreams make it sound as if you're on hard mode?
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  7. saneagain

    saneagain Fapstronaut

    283
    282
    63
    I was 9 months on hard mode. Then I started masturbating once a week or once in 2 weeks. It's bad for me, I am 100% sure. Right after MO I used to fall into a hole of depression and weakness for a few days. This has improved a bit I think. Right now I really feel like I cant go more than 2 weeks without MO. Even if I dont MO, I get the wet dream and and it has similar effects on me. My brain shows me hyper realistic sex dreams in which I take part (no dreams of watching porn!). I visited prostitutes, just to see how I react to female touch, since I am not able to go on dates and having meaningful conversations right now. I realize that this can be an addiction itself, but I just needed to check my progress.

    I try to go without MO completely but during the last weeks I been failing.

    Shortness of breath is a big one. It has improved, but I still feel like my throat is tensed up and doesnt let the air flow through it...Swallowing is also diffucult in a strange way.
     
  8. PAWS definitely hits us in different ways from my observation, reading and researching other people. That was one of the most intense symptoms for me the shortness of breath. It got so bad at one point my body was just huff and puff gasping for air. It was like my brain wasn’t registering me to breath.

    Try keeping the MO to a minimum, ideally not at all. I think our minds are in a sensitive place with withdrawal and that orgasm can overload it with different feel good chemicals etc.

    It’s more mental than physical with me but I have had a fair share of brutal physical symptoms especially with the stomach.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 4, 2018
    d.cricket and Freeddom_Taker like this.
  9. jorg78

    jorg78 Fapstronaut

    717
    647
    93
  10. DarkSektur

    DarkSektur Fapstronaut

    100
    183
    43
    I once conversed with you and I could relate. PAW is real, we as a community need to emphasise the long lasting impact on cognition and emotion. I rather be mentally productive than lay chicks.
     
    Freeddom_Taker likes this.
  11. areborn27

    areborn27 New Fapstronaut

    3
    38
    13
    Let me share my story.

    I'm now 26 years old. I suffered from PAWS for about 14 months (Dec 16 - Feb 17). I suffered from depression, severe brainfog, anhedonia, impaired social skills, lack of motivation, lack of energy, strange tingling/pressure sensations in my forehead, mood swings and anxiety in the beginning. I couldn't think straight, articulate myself and just felt like a dead, empty human being. I came to work many days and couldn't complete a single task the whole day and didn't speak to anyone. My symptoms fluctuated regularly and not all would be present at the same time. I almost lost my job.

    I would constantly google my problems and search the internet. I understand how frustrating it is because you are literally holding off everything in your life until you get better, the fact that my 20s were slipping away from me in this barely living state angered and frustrated me immensely. I believed in the process (that is was porn causing my problems) for many months but soon started losing hope and doubting nofap around 10-12 month mark. I just couldn't believe it would take this long and I struggled to find other situations like mine online. Never looked at porn during this period (still haven't since 2016) but fapped a few times to sensation after many months of abstinence.

    This was a scary time for me as I had pretty much given up on nofap (but didn't relapse), no doctors could find what was wrong and I was literally hopeless. I still had a small belief in nofap because I could recognise tiny improvements I had made over long periods, for example I told myself I don't as bad in general at the 11 month mark compared to the 3 month mark and I'm having more 'up' periods which last longer in duration.

    During this point when I was desperate and searching the internet for all these wacky cures for my brainfog, things started to turn for me. A lot of my symptoms just seemed to melt away over a period of 2 months and didn't return and it was then I realised nofap was legit. I still dealt with some occasional sensations in my head after but these was v minor and knew would dissipate with time that they didn't bother me. I became extremely assertive at work, confident, articulate and outgoing, yes all those widely discussed benefits. I believe its the alleviation of the brainfog that causes a lot of the other benefits. Let me mention that this period of recovery was preceded by one my worst periods in terms of symptoms in the whole reboot process so this is definitely a non-linear process.

    Some pointers I can give you:

    Hold on to and remind yourself of the improvements you've made of over time however small they may be. This is important in not losing hope in nofap like I did and causing more desperation/ health anxiety.

    The only cure is time. I tried all these other things like meditation, cutting out certain things in my diet, wasting money on all kinds of supplements, exercise, cutting out the internet. In the end the only thing that worked for me was time. And when I recovered mediation, exercise and eating healthily became something I was naturally motivated to do. I even lost interest in browsing the internet which I did nearly all day. I'm not saying stop doing these positive habits but telling it how it was for me.

    Yes porn can cause this. I know because I'm back here writing this. Earlier this year (Jan) i looked at porn for 1 minute. Literally under 1 minute (didn't even fap, just looked). I then experience a return of symptoms to a lesser degree (the head sensations/pressures/tingling and brainfog mainly) and I'm still experiencing them after 5 months now. Crazy. But I can also feel them slowly slipping away again now and am hopeful they will be gone again very soon. Yes there are people like us but they usually disappear when their symptoms resolve and so its hard to find such cases online. I know because I disappeared from these kind of forums when my symptoms resolved the first round and had no intentions on returning until I relapsed.

    -it can take a really really long time for some people. Just because other unqualified strangers on these forums says it can't be porn causing these problems after so long doesn't make it true. Yours seems like a fairly bad case, be prepared to expect it to last a lot longer. I probably can't stop you googling your symptoms everyday non-stop like I did but try, as hard as it may be, to simply accept your situation for what it is. Don't let frustration, anger, bitterness get the better of you like it did me because it only served to wind me up more and didn't help me.

    -It can cause different symptoms in different people, for example I couldn't find many stories online of these weird head sensations/pressures and forehead tingling. However, like you, I found similar symptoms on benzo withdrawal forums. I think because porn has such a big effect on us we can identify more with benzo withdrawal sufferers and their stories.

    Good luck and don't give up.
     
    manshadow, Indurian, SREENII and 22 others like this.
  12. DarkSektur

    DarkSektur Fapstronaut

    100
    183
    43
    Hi bro, I had paws for eighteen months after my heavy nine months addiction and my symptoms were similar to yours. I would like to ask you two questions and would be honoured to get your answer :
    1) how long were you addicted to pmo?
    2) Apart from pmo, did you have other addictions like marijuana, alcohol, hard drugs, cigarettes, pain killers or any substance?
     
  13. I’ve had the brain/head sensations for 200 days some on and some off. I’m severe and expect up to two years, symptoms do fluctuate you are right. It is a massive bitch these withdrawals. I feel a bit better than I did 8 months ago. The head pressure feels like a wave of pressure does that make any sense?

    Thanks for your story man.
     
  14. Damm!!! Pawss Are like someone hitting your face...Yaa really it will take 2 yrss.If you are addicted to pmo 5 or 6 yrss
     
    Freeddom_Taker and P-Free like this.
  15. P-Free

    P-Free Fapstronaut

    THANK YOU so much for sharing your story! I'd never really heard much or knew much about PAWS, but man, it could be what's behind some of what I'm feeling! Specifically, the weird, pressure like sensations in my head and neck, shoulders and arm (no, not a heart attack/cardio-related stuff, that I know for sure). It comes and goes and is a royal pain in the ass! I live with a (mostly-controlled) case of Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and the symptoms feel so similar that I thought I was destabilizing. Except there are MAJOR differences between these symptoms and GAD, like pulse rate. With these symptoms, my pulse is totally normal every single time (despite it sometimes feeling fast to me). With GAD, EVERY time it acts up my pulse feels fast, but actually DOES increase (from the 90s to over 100 beats per minute). And, also the fact that my anxiety meds have ZERO effects on the non-GAD symptoms. I have found that one particular magnesium supplement does help alleviate the PAWS symptoms (sometimes totally, sometimes just takes the edge off).

    Reading your story has been so helpful! I'm going to learn more about PAWS now, to see if that's really what's going on, and plan accordingly.

    Thank you again! :)
     
  16. bken

    bken Fapstronaut

    982
    1,544
    123
    Any idea of when your GAD first started? A brain in withdrawal from something as severe as pmo addiction can easily produce symptoms similar to those of anxiety/panic disorder. The stress caused by a brain deprived of neurochemical balance can be overwhelming, with symptoms being mistaken for things like GAD. My GAD began around the time I first decided to give up pmo. Panic attacks can be very scary if you have no clue of what's happening. In reality this can happen to a brain coming down from porn addiction. If you've experienced this, you wish you had known before discovering porn! It's hell. PAWS is hell.

    Anyone have any food intolerances? Thanks for sharing your stories
     
    Freeddom_Taker likes this.
  17. I just hope I can be in the moment and have genuine happy emotions and walk around with a smile on my face in the end. The suffering has been on another level. How close in terms prior to pmo do you feel? I know this is a traumatic experience in a sense but do you feel happy etc?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 30, 2018
    Freeddom_Taker and P-Free like this.
  18. P-Free

    P-Free Fapstronaut

    Thanks for your comment. I can safely say that my GAD is not pmo-withdrawal related I've had it for years before I even knew NoFap existed and years before I ever saw pmo as a problem in my life. The first time GAD showed up was over ten years ago and had to do with failing a professional exam. Once I got over that episode, GAD didn't return until shortly after my Mom died in late 2014. I had a couple episodes that were treated with Klonopin and time and eventually weaned off of the Klonopin. However, GAD kept returning, the last time in January of this year. At which point, my doctor and I agreed that the "Klonopin/time" treatment was not the best way to go. Apparently, GAD has now become a longer-term condition for me. I did (and still am - only half a regular dose) taking the Klonopin, but I have a "long-term" medication protocol I follow that controls it for the most part. I'm still on the Klonopin because I had the mother of all anxiety attacks a couple weeks ago (the day after my last half-dose of Klonopin). As in, I managed to keep it under control until I got home (I was out, but not far from home), but the moment I walked in the door, it hit me like tsunami. I journaled about it in more detail. GAD can definitely be a symptom of withdrawal from pmo, and withdrawal can make existing GAD worse. I hope that helps. Feel free to ask more if you like.

    As for food intolerances, I'm gluten-sensitive. Not full-on celiac, but I can't really eat gluten without a whole host of unpleasant reactions.
     
  19. DarkSektur

    DarkSektur Fapstronaut

    100
    183
    43
    I nearly committed suicide because of PAWS. I feel happy as I was before pmo and I am mental and emotional present in all situations rather than numb and detached. In short, I am mentally and physically normal even though I still regret how it ruined my life and stunted my education.
     
  20. bken

    bken Fapstronaut

    982
    1,544
    123
    Thanks for your reply. I hope your GAD disappears eventually because I know how irritating it really is.

    It's interesting since I also don't do well with gluten, but especially fructose, processed sugars and cafeine, with a combination of these causing extreme agitation. All of this started with the onset of PAWS. The worst part for me has been anxiety/panic.

    It's as some of you have said you just put your life on hold until this hell is over.
     

Share This Page