Paying for sex, advice needed

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Ted 123, Apr 10, 2018.

  1. Ted 123

    Ted 123 Fapstronaut

    I've got this really bad habbit which I'm really embarrassed/ ashamedof and was wondering if anyone on here could relate or give me advice.......

    About 2 years I got bored of porn and wanted to try the real thing so I started to look up at escort sites. At start I only had a look but that led to texting and eventually led to meeting them in hotel rooms. I felt so ashamed of my self after what I did and was disgusted with my self and felt so low. But after time past I found my self back on the escort site in the same cycle!! Also I'll always go on these sort of sites before watching porn. It's something I hate but for some reason I'm having difficulty stoping!!

    Can anyone offer some advice or been through the same thing?? Thanks
    Ashar and kevinfine like this.
  2. Ashar

    Ashar Fapstronaut

    Hey man. I am sure I am not as experienced as you but let me clearify this one thing. You have to do sport. I am serious spend a lot of time in doing sport. Sport gives you so many benefits. I will give you an example. I started Taekwondo 3 years ago. It was the first sport I ever did. Since then it is much easier for me to have my willpower activated. Then I have started MMA. There is one feeling that martial arts give you. You have the desire to be the best. To not only be stronger than your mind but also be stronger than the others. You get this amazing feeling of working harder then ever. And after you started this sport. Why you dont try to meet the girl of youe life? I have a girlfriend since 4 years now. I am ashamed of doing PMO because she is such a wonderful motivation and is probably the most importing thing in my life. I could never imagine of holding someone different than her in my arms. You need to get this feeling of being loved by a person that loves yourself more than herself and I am so sure that there is someone who is waiting for you.
    I wish you the best of luck mate.
    Reborn16 and kevinfine like this.
  3. Can relate. Porn is a gateway drug for me. It's not long before fantasy becomes desire to act out fantasy. I acted out with "private viewing" girls for a decade before eventually move on to full blown escorts. I don't have advice, I can only tell you what I did.

    About 8 years ago I joined a 12-step group SAA and got a sponsor and worked the steps. I started CBT with a therapist in a group that specializes in sex addiction and recovery for both the addict and the spouse (the Patrick Carnes school). I did a week intensive of psych treatment out in Arizona. I did not do any long-term rehab like "the ranch" but I know many people who have. I did 5 years of codependency recovery (CoDA) and 2 years of family dysfunction recovery (ACoA). From guys I met in the rooms, I started a weekly dinner of people I had become close to so that we could share our recovery together. I (very recently) joined this site and became instantly active.

    It's been a long slow road to recovery and I continue to walk the path but I am no where near the blindsided person I was 8 years ago.

    It's not just about stopping a bad behavior. There are underlying issues that I was never even aware of. I had no idea how much of a scared, angry, and entitled child I was. I did not know myself at all. That has all changed but it has taken a long time.

    We are all here with you. In my view, and this is just my view, this site is great. Best leap forward for me in a long time. But it took everything I mentioned above for me to recover. Simply coming to this site on day 1, getting a counter set up and an AP, writing in a journal, those things alone would not have been enough for me.

    I wish you the best in your recovery. Chat me up anytime.

  4. kevinfine

    kevinfine Fapstronaut

    Hi @Ted 123 ,
    Welcome to NoFap where we are here to support each other.
    Seems like I have been though it all - who knows what challenges lie ahead though o_O.

    Your post reminded me of what I used to do many years ago. I also got tired of looking at P and wanted to make it real. I also texted females from escort adverts and met them and paid for services. Truly it was not an exciting experience to pay for services and in one instance I actually walked away from a meet when I noticed a rubbish bin filled with condoms at the meeting place. This was the turning point for me.. realizing that these females are actually doing this as work and that I am not the only guy they are seeing that day. This shocked my brain into a 'normal mode' back to PMO.

    Years later the craving returned to make it real - This time I would find hookups on CL. It was allot of work to arrange a hookup (took days sometimes) but I did this for 2 years before I crashed with depression. The fear of contracting a terminal STD took me into depression as I insisted on not wearing protection for each hookup. That was a scary time. I went for 3 months without sleep and was constantly going for blood tests to ensure that I was okay. I finally saw a psychologist who I was able to tell all to and worked with to get off the hookup streak and fear of the STD.

    My journey is allot further from where you are right now but it is an example of where this behavior can lead to. Once to start to clear your brain from PMO then you will be able to make more conscious decisions and stop yourself before your hookup. Start with the fact that 'these escorts are doing it for money - they don't care about you'

    Important point to remember - start with the foods you eat. PMO is a viscous cycle - we eat junk food cos we have no time to cook - the junk food causes foggy brain - foggy brain causes PMO.. PMO causes us to eat junk food cos we have no time to cook.

    I have cut out grain, dairy and sugar from my diet. Only eat organic veggies and grass fed or pasture raised meats. Drink lots of good quality spring water, we buy them in 3 gallon bottles. This way you reduce the amount of toxins you are polluting your body with so your system can work on fixing that which needs fixing.
    As an example - over the Easter weekend I ate all kinds of foods, burgers, cookies, cakes, chocolates etc. > My brain was so foggy that I relapsed for an entire week I PMO'd and was awake up to 3am trying to hookup online to video chat to PMO.. even with work in the morning...crazy..

    We fix the mind - we can fix everything !

    Hope that helps..

    Stay Strong and Steady On !
  5. I forgot to say the most important thing:

    Congratulations on taking your first biggest step towards a better life free of compulsion. Being honest with yourself and others and asking for help is the biggest step forward in the journey of recovery. Welcome. You are among friends.

    kevinfine likes this.
  6. Budh

    Budh Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    You have a sex addiction, and porn addiction comes under that banner too. I too use to frequent prostitutes (legal in Australia) and sugar babies for sex.

    Prostitutes are a waste of money, they never satisfied me fully, though I kept on going back. Nothing beats having intimate sex with a woman you love. From experience, having sex with a prostitute is just physical sexual contact, you wont get the all important emotional sexual connection from a prostitute. Prostitutes also charge far too much money (well where I live) for what they offer, some even charge as much per hour as a medical professional, how ridiculous. So please don't support this awful industry any further.

    This web site will give you all the support and tools you need to eventually overcome your sex addiction, though it takes a lot of effort to do so.
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2018
    kevinfine likes this.
  7. JustinX

    JustinX Fapstronaut

    Dude, everybody tells you that paying for sex is not a good thing. So stop paying for sex.

    Just fuck and run as fast as you can.

    Joke obviously :D.
  8. Ted 123

    Ted 123 Fapstronaut

    Thanks for all the messages really appreciate it. But how do o stop this?? Really embarrassed to say but I'm in a relationship and really do love her but I still go on the website looking for hookups! Feel so crap I absolutely hate my self!! I know I need to stop, but what should I do??
  9. Budh

    Budh Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    There is no quick fix, if there were there would be no need for a web site like this one.

    All the support and tools are at your finger tips on this web site as well as on the internet. Sex addiction and porn addiction are one of the same and so the same principals apply to overcoming the addiction.
  10. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

    You may need to slowly de-escalate the urges. One idea could be as follows:

    Try going a week without any porn or contacting workers. If you get urges - fap and move on.
    Do that for a week, then maybe longer (don't just do it for boredom, only as a last resort).

    If you succeed in this then take the next step. Try to reboot.

    I can't speak for your relationship as I've been single during most of my addiction. But I have successfully quit seeing sex workers (I think it's been about a year now).

    Two things that helped me:

    Understanding I was paying people to like me, and that this was unnatural and made me feel like I had cheated. I'd won gold medal by paying the judge to put me first... And the judge couldn't wait for me to head out the door...

    Secondly I was spending money that I needed. I can now afford to pursue fulfilling hobbies, and maybe a short holiday soon. Not long ago I would spend a few hundred for one decision in a bad mind frame. Thousands were collectively spent like this.

    Certain things are harder than others. I quit sex workers okay, but with porn I see a counsellor. If you feel you need extra help, it's a smart move to reach out for it. That would be money well spent.

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