Paying to lose virginity?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by RubiconZ, May 12, 2020.

  1. RubiconZ

    RubiconZ Fapstronaut

    I'm sure this question has been asked often before. Being a virgin in my late 20s is really difficult. I honestly feel it has radically hindered my social and romantic life. I'm so deeply frustrated and ashamed of it and cant even lie convincingly about it.

    Its hard to even face the fact that no girls have ever been sexually interested in me, and I know that paying for it wont solve my deeper emotional and psychological issues. But I'm always faced with the question of how long can I continue to wait. I can't seem to find any other solution. I've tried using the internet for a casual hookup but even there I fail miserably. Anyone have any experience dealing with similar questions.
  2. I have heard people do it and feel no change in their mental state. I have heard people that do it and it makes them feel a little bit of relief. I have never heard anyone do it and have it give them a new outlook on life. I'm a 21yo virgin and I currently see no point in having sex for the pleasure of sex alone. I just can't be bothered. You might have a different opinion. Shit, if I get older I'd be tempted to just get it out of the way.
    Metis07 likes this.
  3. Cognac

    Cognac Fapstronaut

    Tough call man. Honestly... very tough call. The answer is it depends.

    It could relieve you... but down the road it may cause self loathing. You may feel as though 'why did I have to pay to TAKE my virginity?' On the other hand it might be the best decision you made. It might take some of the mystique out of sex for you.. you might end up being more relaxed about it and it might help you find a gf, hook ups etc.
    I don't know you. You know you. All you can do is assume one of those is best case, and one is worst case.
    What do you think will happen?
    Comfortablydumb96 likes this.
  4. Hero's Journey

    Hero's Journey Fapstronaut

    Well I think it will better for you to be celibate for 1 year first then try to interact with girls . They would surely follow you.
    And I highly recommend you to not pay up for sex . They could never satisfy you.
    Finally its your call.
    Arbiter007 likes this.
  5. The problem is that this decision comes from a lack of self-esteem. Believe me, paying to lose your virginity is not going to bring you peace. I have a friend who decided to do the same thing, and he feels even worse.

    On the other hand, deciding to change your life by going out and talking to girls you like can bring you a lot on a personal level.

    It's not that there aren't any girls who've taken an interest in you. You just haven't been looking in the right place. And honestly, if you're not going to talk to girls, there's very little chance a girl's going to talk to you. You need to go out and make that decision to change. You're better than that :)
  6. Arez01

    Arez01 Fapstronaut

    You are making a non-existing problem. Do you want to date a girl that would care about your virginity? If you are this desperate then there are other problems you should care about.
    Jefe Rojo likes this.
  7. Arbiter007

    Arbiter007 Fapstronaut

    I agree with this message. When you start semen retention and being PMO-free you will start to automatically become more attractive to girls. I only learned this after a few 40 day stents where I saw girls who normally would not try to associate with me all of a sudden wanted to talk to me. Even very attractive girls can be attracted to you. Women are less into looks and sense purity more than anything I think.
    Deleted Account and Cloudstephen like this.
  8. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

    You need to work on your seduction. Your current strategies are not working, you need to change them. Having sex with a woman that want you too is better that having sex with one hundred hookers. Everything that is harder to get feels a lot better. Work on yourself and sooner or later you will have sex with a woman that also like you back.
    Jefe Rojo and Cloudstephen like this.
  9. RubiconZ

    RubiconZ Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the responses guys. It has given me a lot to think about. I guess it is really this feeling like I've lost my 20s, and my anxiety over performance that has me feeling desperate. But you are right that its not an idea that Im really comfortable with.
    Jefe Rojo and Deleted Account like this.
  10. Aknolewdging this is very brave. And yep, this self improvment process can be something frustrating and dangerous if we take it the wrong way.

    Fulfilling your dreams and satisfying your desires will not make you a happy person. You're enough. And until you really know how to love yourself for who you really are inside, no one can love you back. Because you're projecting this reality around you.

    I know people who work hard every day to achieve their dream. And yet, they are still frustrated and unhappy. Even though they've done more than others. Self-esteem isn't something you work on, it's something you realize.

    There's nothing wrong with wanting to get better. But we must keep in mind that progress must come from a feeling of love for ourselves rather than from sadness or a feeling of lack. Otherwise, it's useless and it only brings pain and suffering. When you are at peace with yourself, you will be able to find someone who will love you the way you are. And I really wish you that, my friend.

    I advise you to start meditating. Spending time with yourself will allow you to observe your thoughts. You will find that it's no wonder you can't find a girl, with all those negative thoughts and beliefs you've been accumulating over the years. And relax. Stop worrying. Life is so beautiful when you take the time to see it for what it is.

    Take care
    Last edited by a moderator: May 13, 2020
  11. Cloudstephen

    Cloudstephen Fapstronaut

    To add to that, you are not alone on this. Turning 28 this year and a virgin. Honestly, I don't really care to lose my virginity per se, what's pressuring me is the regret, that I might not be able to do sex with other women when I get married in the future as I am very loyal.

    Anyway, you're not alone mate . These days I also think of paying for the sake of it especially since I have genuine friends who are girls that I don't want to fuck.

    But I agree with everyone, we have to work on ourselves first and be patient.
    RubiconZ likes this.
  12. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

    If you really think that fucking a hooker is gonna solve your problems go ahead be my guest. Better work on your social skills with women, IMHO. Way more value and you can choose a great woman that way after you get skilled. Gonna be hard but way better than paying for a hooker. Really doesn't help much.
  13. No. Nothing will change. One sex with a hooker won't make you awesome in bed. So when you get a girlfriend she wont be more satisfied anyway.
    However hookers are a waste of time, self esteem and money.
    Also you will have a new secret. Having slept with a prostitute is an even greater red flag than a virgin man.
  14. Sex is like eating. You are just seen the greener grass outside the fence.
    You already know what is the real deal in here, and it is not sex.

    Sex is not going to solve anything.

    We are animals, and we are in this planet earth to do 2 things:
    1) eat
    2) pass your genes

    And you are not fulfilling that. Of course you feel bad, you should.
  15. I'm not a virgin. I lost my virginity years ago.

    Losing your virginity usually is always awkward for most men AND women. Mine was awkward. I wish society doesn't put much emphasis on losing virginity.

    My first losing virginity was just basically pure sex. It wasn't to a prostitute. It wasn't best but I finally understood the appeal of sex after losing my virginity. It answered a lot of my questions. Let me compare. How do you really understand chocolate if you haven't experienced eating chocolate? You don't no matter how much you study, learn and read about chocolate from books, recipes, videos, etc.. It's NOT till you finally eat chocolate then you finally understand what's the chocolate all about. This is what sex feels like.

    What's really WORTH is this: Making love to the amazing person that you are in love with. If you want to lose your virginity to someone you really are in love with, then I suggest waiting it for that.

    Let me warn you one thing. Once you have sex, trust me, there's no going back. You'll want sex more. As males, we are basically wired for biological urges for sex. So have sex when you are READY on YOUR terms. I cannot emphasize this more enough. Be sure to be ready when you want it. Ignore societal pressures on losing virginity at a late age.

    Only do it when you want and when you are ready, then it's totally worth the wait. :)
  16. Orangeraie

    Orangeraie Fapstronaut

    I've just lost my virgnity at 24 years old to an escort one week ago .It's recent but i can already tell you it was really a very nice moment for me, touching the body of the girl, etc, even if technically it was not a success it was much better than porn : i didn't O (stress + condom + death grip ?), difficulties to penetrate, didn't feel much inside....

    I only know that for now (it's recent), i'm feeling lighter. I know what is it, less fantasy about it.
    Changing me, i don't know yet. It will not give me more success with girls. I know i will not meet any girl who wants me (for free). I was a 24 years old virigin after all. Each man is better than me and any girl can have better without effort irl or online.

    Do it if you're sure about it is the main advice i can give you. It's a very personal subject and it depends entirely of your ethic.

    Some advice if you decide to do it :
    - Take at least one hour
    - Chose a GFE and extraball
    - Escort must speak your language, it will be easier to communicate
    - Escorts, in my country at least, are "hard" to join, call or message them during week days.

    Sorry for my english.
  17. Destroyer of PMO

    Destroyer of PMO Fapstronaut

  18. Winner1237

    Winner1237 Fapstronaut

    totally agree, the problem would be bigger cuz youlld feel more like a loser bruuh
  19. Winner1237

    Winner1237 Fapstronaut

    idk what to say man! this was so sad to read. how do u know that no girl wants u for free? why have u given up on urself just cuz ure 24 man? ive seen ppl 107 yrs old, ure still a baby with the whole life ahead of u, chill out man. would love to hear from u.
  20. MindPoison

    MindPoison Fapstronaut

    You should not pay to lose your virginity. Sex work, like the porn industry, is rife with abuse, crime, and extortion. By paying for their services you are being complacent in the suffering of people caught in these industries. Please do not do this.
    Ash18 and Destroyer of PMO like this.

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