Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Broall, Jul 28, 2016.

  1. Broall

    Broall New Fapstronaut

    I have been doing NoFap and no porn for over a year now. It's been an amazing year and have regained much of my sensitivity ( lost to masturbating every day for over 15 years). I have also stopped watching porn or anything sexual.During this time I have become incredibly attracted to my SO. I have focused more on the whole experience with her, rather than just treat her like a toy, cum, and call it good.

    My issue is this: Before doing nofap and not using porn it would take me FOREVER to finish, anywhere from an hour ( which sucked for her) to 40 minutes ( the fastest I could finish). It felt so good to make her climax several times before I even finished. A couple of weeks after I began with nofap and not using porn I noticed an increased sensitivity when we were having sex. It was way easier for me to enjoy sex and to climax. So what's the problem? Now that's it's been longer than one year I hardly last long enough. Whenever we have sex I can only last 2 or 3 minutes the most. Lately I have been considering just masturbating a couple of times before attempting to have sex with her. I feel less of a man for not lasting long enough and not making her climax as often as before. I don't want to give into my urges and destroy my progress. I feel it's really easy to lose control again and go back into masturbating every day.

    I want to know if any of you guys have gone through any of this before and want to have your input...thanks
    iceman40 and Getter Better like this.
  2. cosmicspaceman

    cosmicspaceman Fapstronaut

    I'm currently starting up NoFap just to solve the sensitivity issue. I am single, and I've only had sex a couple times. Both times I could not finish. So I'm happy to see that after a few weeks your sensitivity begins to improve again. That fills me with hope! I'm currently on day 2 of the plan.

    To answer your question, try masturbating once before you and your SO have sex. See how the results are and if your sensitivity goes down a bit. I know a lot of people here may not share the same viewpoint that I have, but masturbating is a healthy habit as long as you don't let it get out of control. You just have to control yourself and masturbate in a healthy way. Don't go in there with a dry hand and squeeze the life out of your dick. Get some lotion or something and rub one out in the bathroom at home a few hours before you get busy with your SO. Eventually you'll get to a middle ground between where you are now and where you used to be. Don't get into the mindset that some guys have on this forum that say your progress is gone as soon as you touch yourself. And if doing it once before sex helps improve your sex life (which is the ENTIRE GOAL) then you'd be foolish not to do it.
  3. Broall

    Broall New Fapstronaut

    Thanks for your input.
    That was to be a big problem for me. I was never able to finish whenever I have sex with someone for the first time, ever. It kinda really sucked because I wasn't able to finish, but I felt so great because I could go on forever for her. At the same time they would be feeling like crap because I would never finish, so there's that...

    For me it's such a slippery slope, that's why I'm trying to ask other people who have been in a situation like this. I feel I'm going to start feeling like crap once I give in. I don't get aroused by anything else besides my partner right now. I don't want to start looking at porn again just to rub one and then turn it into a habit again.

    I really don't want to give it and do everything for the wrong reasons, but I also don't like finishing after 2 pumps with her..
  4. I hear you, Broall. I suffer from the same problem. It has improved in the past with longer NoFap streaks for me.

    There's some stuff from the excellent Your Brain on Porn on the subject, here:

    You may find something of use there (in all honesty, I haven't yet read all of that page myself). I suspect the best answer you're going to get is - be patient, persist with abstinence, things will get better. This has slightly been my experience.

    I sort of agree with cosmicspaceman (excellent name!), but would say, if you go down this path then please be very careful and cautious. NoFap isn't an anti-masturbation website, it's anti-porn addiction, so they'd agree with the idea that healthy masturbation is perfectly possible. However, we're addicts, and M is very much part of the PMO cycle.

    You say you've done NoFap successfully for a year. That's incredible, you should be so proud. And I guess that you can say you've put some (but only a 15th of the time you were addicted, remember) distance between yourself and dangerously compulsive masturbation.

    That may not be much help. Hopefully others will come along with some more solid advice based on more personal experience.

    I really wish you well, and - selfishly - I'd love to know how you get along.
  5. Broall

    Broall New Fapstronaut

    Hey thanks very much for the info, it will give me something to think about
  6. ILoathePwife

    ILoathePwife Fapstronaut

    Have you talked openly to your SO about this? I would highly suggest it. Your SO has already figured out something is different, please don't leave them wondering at what and making assumptions that it is their fault, as I did.

    My husband struggled with lasting very long. After experimenting with karezza, see the link in my signature, and O but no ejaculating for him, there was a lot of improvement! We found the most helpful thing was not to focus on the O. No Os for either of us increased both our sensitivity and enjoyment of all sensations, not just the end goal.

    On the idea of MO, if it were my husband, I would not like that idea at all, due to it being a slippery slope. I'd rather have him not last as long and enjoy more foreplay activities. Plus, if your partner is a woman, PIV is not the only way (or even the "best" way) to achieve O. Direct stimulation can (and should, in my opinion) be part of the package.

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