Peace and Mastering Obsessions

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Qwanzai, Mar 13, 2017.

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  1. Qwanzai

    Qwanzai Fapstronaut

    6
    8
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    Day 8

    Hello,

    So, I have been following the art of ‘NoFap’ for a while now and who would have thought that I would only come across this website now. I mean seriously, the website is called NoFap, how have I missed this amazing resource for the last year?


    I should probably start with a few words about myself. I’m 24 and 11months old, and have been partaking in sexual media for the past decade. Sometimes 6 times a day, other times 4 times a week, let’s just say frequently. Very frequently.


    As far as I am aware I do not have any physical porn induced limitations. I do however, know that the habit of watching sexy sex stuff has affected me in terms of relationships. I have been blessed with luck, when it comes down to my previous relationships, that every single one of them has had an intense libido. Which is every boy/mans dream. Due to some more obvious habits, I haven’t been as interested as I maybe should have been as a horny young man. Excuses when sexy-time has attempted to be initiated include but are not limited to,


    · “You know I would love to, but I’m just so tired. I need to get some sleep”

    · “Not now, your friend is coming back any minute” (Friend was obviously gone for
    the day/night)

    · “I’m not feeling too well, I think I’ve eaten something funny”

    · “I ate too much dairy and now I’m feeling rather bloated”


    (As a handy hint - excuses that include the digestive system are a sure fire way to get your significant otter (I left this spelling mistake in as it amused be greatly) dis-interested quicker than I could probably get an erection to a naked lady right now)

    Some of you may be able to relate. After years of this, I think their comes a time when you think to yourself, WTFF dude! Sort your shit out already.


    And so! I'm going to sort my shit out. The main reason for abstinence from chopping the Chewbacca and watching the smutty is to develop a deeper relationship with my partner. Seriously though, I'm in the prime of my life and seeing as though the relationship I'm in is a long long long distance relationship and I should be able to connect on a deeper level with my partner and not waste time when I am with her. I know that she gives much more than I do into our relationship and it's about fracking time that changed.


    I am also here for the self-improvement aspect; I can’t wait to test out some of the super benefits like mind reading, morning wood that could conquer the Spartans, level 9000!!! confidence and the other many benefits that have been reported throughout the ages of Nofappery.


    So, I gathered the best way to fight this addiction head on was to introduce healthy habits into my life in an effort to fill the void left by porn and genital stimulation.


    I have taken up running. I say, ‘taken up’, I’ve “ran” 20 minutes twice in the past week (I don’t think what I do can be classed as running yet, more like a Gruffalo trying to jog). In addition, I have started taking cold showers. Again, I say, “started”, what I mean is, I had one last night.

    Running was great! I don’t think I’ve ever experienced a better way to blow off some steam. Setting your lungs on imaginary fire and having your heart rate reach the BPM of an EDM tune is a great way to feel better!. Cold showers are also just to die for! The sudden gasping for air, the electric shocks all the way up your body and the feeling that nothing else awaits you but hypothermia.

    There is an endless amount of room for improvement here so I will keep at it and see what happens whilst, of course, updating you lovely people.


    The 8 days and a bit has been fairly easy going, not many urges to begin with maybe the odd “ooo, I fancy a sesh” which was soon banished from my mind. However, this weekend was when things started to ramp up to the next level. There was a noticeable increase in urges and some sneaky but very clever attempted persuasions from Mr Withdrawal Bran. I coped by substituting some of my free time this weekend with running and playing piano/guitar. Idle hands want devils to something.. you know the saying.

    Last night was probably the most interesting event so far. I spent the night lying awake until 3a.m. beating off (wrong use of words) sexual fantasy after sexual fantasy whilst the inner voice inside my head whispered lines like, “Oh go on, have a quick peek at your usual sites and see if there’s anything noteworthy. Just watch one video, then the dopamine levels will peak only once and not 40 times like before.”(Sneaky mother...)

    I soldier through and eventually took some paracetamol to knock myself out. Turns out, the combination of paracetamol and a nicotine patch seems to makes some kind of crazy dream potion and for the first time, ever, I had my first lucid dream.


    The lucid dream started off pretty innocent, but it did not take any time at all for the sexual deviant inside me to take charge. So I did what any sane man would do and, to put it eloquently for the romantics out there, engaged in the passionate art of cunnilingus for a more than generous amount of time. Does that count as a relapse? A lucid dream where I am aware that I am dreaming but also in a weird like dreamy state where I choose to give pleasure to a lovely lady? Maybe it's just a sign that I'm lonely and craving some romantic company. Or, I'm as horny as a hell and my brain just wants a bit of release. Who knows

    Something for the philosophers and phycologists out there to ponder.


    So, in summary of what has turned out to be a rather long post. I haven’t pee'd, emm’d or ohh'd for 8 days. And while not a huge figure, it is a figure I am proud of. The end game for me is to get rid of this habit; it serves absolutely no purpose in life and just doesn’t make sense naturally.
    I'm feeling good about it all. There's a huge sense of accomplishment that comes with disciplining yourself like this.
    I have much, much more energy in the day and seem to be much more productive and creative.
    It may be a bit quick to come up with life changing lessons so early on. But I do truly believe that in order to succeed you have to completely change your attitude. Theres no half way or meet in the middle to begin with. You have to go hard mode until there are no urges whatsoever. Then and only then can you say you have beaten the addiction.
    I do so hope that this becomes the catalyst in my life to set off a series of life reactions which result in me and my family obtaining our dreams and ambitions.
    As to whether or not it does, well we will just have wait and let time do its thang.


    If you have read this far, I salute you. I got a little carried away. To all of you out there, well done for finding yourself here in the first place, please do take life by its’, soon to be, big blue balls and make the best of it. Remember that you only have one. Do you want to spend a good percentage of it watching videos and reinforcing a unrealistic view on life or do you want to establish meaningful relationships with people you care for whilst at the same time HAVING real, honest to goodness sexy shenanigans.


    Peace X
     
  2. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Thank you for sharing your story and welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge.

    What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
     
  3. Qwanzai

    Qwanzai Fapstronaut

    6
    8
    3

    Day 9



    Today was the day that Sunday night crept up on me. I’ve felt tired all day and have lacked motivation to really do anything productive. I decided to let myself off a little and forgo any cold showers or running today but only on the basis that first thing tomorrow morning I get out and run and have a cold shower afterwards.


    The relentless urges from the weekend have happily not followed me into the early week. Just the odd tinge here and there but nothing too significant worth writing about…


    I guess one of the biggest benefits I noticed today was my energy levels, even though I am suffering the consequences of only 2 hours sleep on Sunday night, I am nowhere near as groggy and quick to bad moods as I would have been if this had occurred 2 weeks ago.

    I’m feeling slightly less insane and more like this is the new norm which I hope will continue exponentially until this new normal becomes boring and I find the next way to better myself.


    Confidence does seem to be slowly but steadily improving with everyday, and I am much calmer in situations that would have had me stuck in my own head for hours going at it with my ego. This may be purely anecdotal at such an early date however, so I guess the only way to find out is to gather more evidence and analyze the datum.


    On another note, I’m vape free for exactly one week today. I am taking nicotine replacement in the form of patches and lozenges and have probably only found it easy as I am on the equivalent in nicotine to 60 cigarillos a day. Next step is to cut down on the nicotine, which is all well and good when you’re high as a kite on the stuff. I hope my success with ‘No-Looky-at-the-Ucky’ (N-LATU - for short) will instill the confidence and willpower I need to quit nicotine for good.


    I leave this post with more optimism than when I arrived, which is a good sign that this whole journal thing could work out.


    See you tomorrow!

    Peace X
     
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  4. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Qwanzai likes this.
  5. Qwanzai

    Qwanzai Fapstronaut

    6
    8
    3
    Day 10

    Double figures. Next stop triple figures.

    Urges were pretty tame today. Feeling a bit bleh today. I feel fatigued when there is no reason to be so.
    I'll treat myself to an evening of zombie like T.V. watching and an extra early night and see how I feel tomorrow.

    Staying strong! I'm not going to let an addiction as petty as porn take control of my life. If I can't make it to triple figures then how the funk have I manage to function as a human being so far?

    Sp that was short and sweet. I'm off to make something fatty, greasy, sweet and comforting and not good for my heart at all.

    Peace!
     
    D . J . likes this.
  6. Qwanzai

    Qwanzai Fapstronaut

    6
    8
    3
    Day 12

    After posting my last post, I decided that if I were to treat myself, I was only allowed to do so after I had completed a number of tasks. So I wrote myself a list of things that I could do between 6pm and 8pm that needed to be done if I wanted to veg out in front of the T.V. for a few hours. Once I got started on the list, my motivation, that if you read my last post you can see, that was somewhat non-existent increased. In those 2 hours I managed to workout, do some chores around the house, take a cold shower, learn a few more bars on a piano piece I'm currently practicing and complete a little bit of coursework.

    This worked so well that from now on, whenever I feel that I can't be bothered, I will make sure that I write a list that can be completed easily before I take part in procrastination. Every time I feel a bit "bleh" I will try this strategy from now on and see how it goes.

    As for the last 48 hours, they have been pretty good. Urges are still there but I can feel them slowly getting weaker and I gradually pay less attention to them as the days go by.
    I went for a long run yesterday evening, and now that I have the relevant muscles activated I can honestly say I enjoyed it.
    I am also taking cold showers on a daily basis. They don't seem to be getting any easier, but the fact that I am still taking cold showers has got to be positive, surely.
    Along with these two habits, I have also started working out for 30 minutes in the evening. Just a few bodyweight exercises to start, but as I ease myself into it I hope to work up to a full 50 minute exercise.
    I haven't touched any video game since I started this whole no fappy business, which is a pleasant surprise. I hadn't even thought about it until a conversation reminded me today.
    All in all, as you can probably guess, my energy levels have definitely increased and continue to do so each day.

    I feel that I have managed to gain a bit of momentum now, and as long as I continue the way I have been over that last 5 days, I will be fine. Life however, never really operates in such a predicable manner, so I've also got to get myself ready for any unexpected "how 'bout this mother-fucker!?"'s that may be thrown my way.

    One thing that I have learnt over the last 12 days is that the busier you are the less frequent the urges become. But I don't think that this is the point. I can't continue to be busy at every hour of the waking day in order to avoid urges. I need to experiment. So on Sunday I am going to have a lazy afternoon/evening and face my urges head on, face to face, 'el mano el mano' and other such synonyms/sayings. I think real learning comes from confronting your demons, fears and urges. So, come Sunday afternoon, the gloves are coming off and I will enter the ring. Hopefully, if the universe is on my side and my willpower is as strong as my ego thinks it is, I will come out the other side victorious and a little bit wiser than when I entered. I will update this thread with the results.

    This post has been very self indulgent. But as always, keep fighting and don't give up. Whether you are on day 1 or day 100, keep repeating your own personal mantra and you will most definitely succeed. Doing so will enable you to begin living life in such a way that will allow you to embrace and cherish everything, everyone and anyone who is a part of your existence. Relationships are what make life so special, and all watching P does, (when watched excessively) is help to hinder those relationships.

    Peace X
     
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