takezawa2
Fapstronaut
I remember when I bought my second laptop solely dedicated for watching porn. I remember the rush I felt when it first arrived, it was a high, I physically felt weak (almost couldn't even stand), my hands were shaking, I didn't even know how to use it and I was overwhelmed with anxiety with the unlimited opportunity I had to just binge out on it. Shamelessly I never had to clear out the browsing history, I could save videos and photos to the desktop without any care and ease of use.
I didn't just buy a crappy low grade laptop, I bought a top of the line MacBook because I wouldn't settle for anything less. I used my tax return to eliminate some of the guilt, strangely I felt accomplished, empowered and sadly proud of this. My other 'work/professional' devices collected dust, I lost myself, stunted the ambition to pick up a hobby or true passion in life, I've been stuck in a dead end job for over 10 years simply because I don't know myself outside of porn.
This is when I knew how bad the addiction was when I made this expense for strictly that activity, and I was so deep into the addiction I did not care. That was 3 years ago now that I bought it and the files, and the bookmarked webpages only got worse and worse.
I carefully organized every file, every tab every bookmark to cater to my PMO sessions The entire laptop is extremely organized. I can honestly say that I've never devoted as much energy to anything else in my life as I did to that laptop. I still own it, and I'm nowhere near eliminating it, but right now I'm accepting its truth and sharing this is healing. I know rejoined this site truly with the desire to quit for the purposes to enjoy and regain physical touch with a real person again, it took PIED, or maybe just ED for my wake up call.
I didn't just buy a crappy low grade laptop, I bought a top of the line MacBook because I wouldn't settle for anything less. I used my tax return to eliminate some of the guilt, strangely I felt accomplished, empowered and sadly proud of this. My other 'work/professional' devices collected dust, I lost myself, stunted the ambition to pick up a hobby or true passion in life, I've been stuck in a dead end job for over 10 years simply because I don't know myself outside of porn.
This is when I knew how bad the addiction was when I made this expense for strictly that activity, and I was so deep into the addiction I did not care. That was 3 years ago now that I bought it and the files, and the bookmarked webpages only got worse and worse.
I carefully organized every file, every tab every bookmark to cater to my PMO sessions The entire laptop is extremely organized. I can honestly say that I've never devoted as much energy to anything else in my life as I did to that laptop. I still own it, and I'm nowhere near eliminating it, but right now I'm accepting its truth and sharing this is healing. I know rejoined this site truly with the desire to quit for the purposes to enjoy and regain physical touch with a real person again, it took PIED, or maybe just ED for my wake up call.