People say I’m always quiet

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by A_glass1900, Oct 22, 2019.

  1. A_glass1900

    A_glass1900 Fapstronaut

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    So I’m always quiet and shy when it comes to socializing. I usually don’t talk too much, because I’m shy, bored, and I couldn’t think of certain kind of topics or ideas to talk about to other people. And sometimes feeling tired in the morning.

    I’ve been socially awkward since my mid teens. And that’s during the time when I been doing pmo. I remember when I was in high school, I used to be awkwardly quiet in classes, in lunch when I sat at a table with my close friend and some other boys that he talks to, but I didn’t barely talk to the other boys at my table. When I used to run track and cross country as a sport, I would feel uncomfortable talking to some other boys on my team. Especially when talking to a large group of boys, I would feel uncomfortable of having all their eyes on me while talking. I was afraid they were going to judge me to think I’m a weird person. But I certainly do think it would make me more weird to be awkwardly quiet around other people.

    To this day I probably learned that constantly being socially awkward is not going to help you make any new friends or to be the most interesting or likable person. It can make you more of a boring kind of person. But I still don’t have the energy or confidence to be a sociable person.

    Is this kind of behavior is caused from constantly masturbating to porn, lack of sleep, or both?
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2019
  2. prettyboichad

    prettyboichad Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    It might very well be my friend. But, don't forget this. You can change. You can grow. You can become something you are not, but you have to give it a shot.
     
  3. w95chris

    w95chris Fapstronaut

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    I used to be like that with PMO. I was always quiet and shy keeping to myself at all times. But that changed after I stopped watching porn and masturbating. I realized that I do not give a rats ass about what others say about me and became more confident

    It takes time but hang in there. Imagine I was having trouble asking a girl when the next bus is going to come and if the bus has passed the stop and now I have a lot of women friends who I truly love and talk on a regular basis. Moreover, I have almost no trouble talking to anyone and feel comfortable having a million pair of eyes on me

    I suggest start with something small. Like saying good morning to your workmate/classmate and a "how are you today?". Try also to be kind as much as you can. People appreciate that a lot and will open up to you as you open up to them. Small steps and after some time you will get the hang of it
     
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  4. mihmihero

    mihmihero Fapstronaut

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    The boredom,tiredness and lack of sleep could be a symptom of depression.Doing PMO too much causes a lot of negative symptoms that mimic depression and PMO itself could be a symptom of it. That's why its such a vicious cycle. You sound like you have low self esteem and are depressed because of it,then you PMO and become more depressed. We are all like that man dont worry

    Social anxiety is another symptom of PMO. After I relapse I always get agoraphobia(fear of large crowds) and I get trouble with eye contact.

    About your shyness problem, like other people said, start slow man! Baby steps. Maybe try a challenge like to make eye contact with say 3+ a day people as you walk down the street and maintain it. Eventually you'll get better! And as a wise man once said "Being weak is nothing to be ashamed of, staying weak is"
     
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  5. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    Maybe you are the kind of guy who is going to snap one day and kill everyone. People used to think that about me when I was quiet.
     
  6. HVL85

    HVL85 Fapstronaut

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    I definitely agree with the posts here. Except @Infrasapiens post, which is pretty useless.

    I remember in primary school someone once asked me; 'Why don't you ever say anything?" I though to myself, what should I say? I was minding my own business and happy that way.

    But later in highschool I developed my social skills. It starts in situations that you ARE comfortable socializing. So I'd start trying to conversate in a small group. Hell, preferably one on one. Then you expand on that. Once you are comfortable in one situation, you can expand to a larger group. Definitely try not to blame yourself for 'who you are' right now.

    But lack of energy, which is a direct symptom of depression again caused by low self esteem or perhaps anxiety is definitely a contributor. So try to get that extra rest. Do stuff at home that you like. It'll help make you more happy. And expressing yourself here on the forum is definitely a good thing. Try to do the same, talk about your issues at home.

    In my opinion PMO is more something caused by a lack of ability to express your intimate feelings. In other words, lack of a relationship.
     
  7. Protagonist

    Protagonist Fapstronaut

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    You might consider being with people with whom you have something in common. It would be easier for you to talk to someone if you both are interested in talking to each other about some certain topic.
    I say this because I've found myself numerous times not able to talk to certain people only because of the fact that I don't know what they like or what they would want to talk about.

    Or you can just talk about the obvious stuff like the weather, or ask them about their lives and stuff.
    The only important thing is to start the conversation, and see how it flows.
    If you want to practice talking then I would recommend you to talk to your acquaintances first, which is pretty obvious isn't it?
    You should really go out and do it, there might not be any other way to improve your conversation skills.
     
  8. FellatiousD

    FellatiousD Fapstronaut

    Hang with people who share your interests. I'm the EXACT same way when I'm with a crowd that I'm not used to. For example, my friend invited me to a classical music recital and I had absolutely nothing interesting to say to all of her musical friends. But if I'm at the gym or some kind of martial arts dojo I could talk to random people for hours.
     
  9. VCjonas12

    VCjonas12 Fapstronaut

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    When we are young, we learn about the world, about others, and how we relate to others. Throughout your life, you experience situations and evaluate them. You make conclusions about yourself in relationship to the situation. If you are shy, introverted, and scared of being evaluated negatively by other people, that is because you experienced negative social situations and thus formed an identity out of them. You view this present moment, in relationship to the past. You still react to those negative events. PMO just feeds the whole thing and makes it worse. PMO doesn't cause it. It adds to the severity of it. Ofcourse other things add to your problems such as fysiological factors.. Lack of sleep, bad food, ..

    You need to develop a vision for your life. What do you want out of life? Identify that and make goals to work towards that vision. If you want to become better socially, want to relate better to people, That's a really great goal to work towards. My highest value is amusement, humor and exitement. I used to be the same, totally in my head, introverted and shy. This way, I couldn't fulfill these values, and felt incomplete as a result. I worked on these things. Being efficiënt is the key.

    This is really important to do: if you experience negative experiences, you often close off your feeling, your emotions, in order to protect yourself from further pain. It's a defense mechanism. It pulls your energy up to your head. You become over-analytical, worrying all the time, being anxious all the time. Practice THIS: FEEL YOUR BODY. This is key. Feel your body everywhere. Start by meditating on it. Then go talk to people, place yourself in social situations that force you to open your mouth and connect with strangers. Be creative with this. Feel your body while talking to them and see how people start to react a lot better.

    Add habits that will stimulate you to grow your masculinity. Take cold showers in the morning, do nofap, go to the gym, learn about life, do social freedom exercises, there's so many things.

    You need to adapt your subconscious. Your conscious mind, your conscious experience is only a product of the established subconscious patterns. The subconscious is not intelligent. It's habitual. It will adopt what you reinforce to it. Start to do affirmations, subliminals, hypnosis, psych k, things that reprogram your subconscious and combine this with conscious action.

    Also start a meditation habit. It will influence you very positively. I promise.

    Doing things efficiently is key.
     
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  10. again

    again Fapstronaut

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    ]Try also to be kind as much as you can[/QUOTE]
    What a pearl of great price!
     
  11. Homelander

    Homelander Fapstronaut

    The root cause is masturbation and porn and you already know this.
    Just stop doing it and you will slowly rewire your mind and change from within.
    However, don't expect it to magically resolve ALL your issues because you will have to work hard on life and create a new healthy lifestyle for yourself.

    I was like you till age 24, but then I changed my lifestyle and met my dream girl, and within a few days my life turned into 180 degrees.
    It will not be easy, but I guarantee you that changing will cause less pain than remaining like this.
     
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  12. Fullyawake

    Fullyawake Fapstronaut

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    If you know who you are nothing anybody says should hurt you. I know I’m an introspective person. I don’t shy from that and I’m actually proud of that. I don’t like loud goofballs, and to me they’re the weirdos who need to get serious with their life.
     
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  13. Okay so I was in the same exact situation as you i even did the same sports. it is okay to be awkward and quiet! you will soon realize that a lot of people, like me, like it and we will gravitate toward you. Just be patient and put yourself in more social situations and let yourself be awkward then laugh it off.
     
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  14. Fifth Horseman

    Fifth Horseman Fapstronaut

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    Until my twenties I barely spoke to anyone. I had zero friends growing up. Read constantly, my relationships were the stories in my head. Didn’t want friends, or was scared, or both. One time, a few minutes after talking to a girl at 16 who I wanted to be with but who was waiting for me to make the move I literally vomited. (Any wonder that porn seemed like the answer to my relationship needs?). Got older, entered the work world, had no choice but to be with people or I would have starved. One fear, the fear of failing, replaced the other fear, the fear of socializing. Now, a great family, a career and decades later, I look back and don’t feel the time alone and isolated was completely wasted. It was my process. It is yours. When it is time for you to do what you need to, to reach out to meet the person you should be with, you will do it. Don’t assume the rest of the world is at a party you havent been invited to. You may even, like me, treasure the memory of the time you had when younger to evolve into the person you wanted to be.
     
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  15. Ronila

    Ronila Fapstronaut

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    No, how did you arrive at that conclusion?

    Social awkwardness is caused by low self esteem and poor self image. You do not think that anything you do or say is important enough and therefor you will look silly.
    This usually comes from inability to take criticism, a skill that parents never help their kids develop.
    Parent just says - do this or don't do that.
    Child asks - why?
    Parent replies - because! Go to your room.
    Do this over and over and over, and you end up with a child who thinks he/she is somehow flawed and his/her very actions are somehow wrong.
    Other people see that from your behavior and agree with you, after-all if you seem unsure about what you do - you probably have no idea what you are doing.
    But the core of the problem is not that you are unsure in social situations, the problem is that you are unsure about everything, you do not think you are worthy and you dobt everything even when alone.

    You have to build up your self esteem, and realize that your actions are not inherently wrong and others are not inherently better than you.
    Best advise I can give you is rather simple - be honest, do not lie. To yourself or others.
     
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  16. A_glass1900

    A_glass1900 Fapstronaut

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    I needed to be somewhat more sociable. Of course I don’t want to be overly talkative that people would be annoyed around me.
     

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