Performance anxiety with girlfriend

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Toad1999, Jun 19, 2017.

  1. Toad1999

    Toad1999 Fapstronaut

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    For the past 4 months I've been dating a new girl, I really love this girl and want the best for her and our relationship. Last month we started getting hot and heavy and she decided she was ready for sex, as was I (I thought). I had an erection when we started cuddling and getting ready and when she said that she was ready I immediately lost it. She fully understands and wants to help me through this. We have tried about 3 more times after that and the last time I managed to get the condom on and have sex for about 40 seconds before losing my erection, it wasn't the most comfortable position as I was holding her up. I've been masturbating since about 11 about 5 times a week mainly to porn. I just want to be able to please this girl and have decent sex with her as I find her extremely attractive. I've considered NoFap in the past but I completely flatlined after a week and I relapsed incase another encounter of sex arose and I wasn't ready. I was thinking about buying an L arginine supplement to support my blood vessels. I have had social anxiety in the past but got over it for the most part. I really need help as I love this girl and want to be able to have sex with her. I don't want to completely flatline and I want to try to remain sexual with her as much as I can. Any advice is useful. I'm begging for help. Sorry that this post was a huge mess.
     
  2. 42Oh

    42Oh Guest

    A couple of suggestions for you to consider. First, what about taking a pill? Most doctors would probably be willing to prescribe pills. If u don't want to talk to a doctor, there are over the counter pills as well. MILLIONS of men use these, there is no shame in it.

    Second, consider giving her oral sex or using your hands. Loving sex is about intimacy and caring, so if you both are enjoying it and enjoying eachother, who cares if you had a minor equipment problem today.

    It sounds like she's understanding and caring and wants to be with you anyway. Thats more important than anything else.
     
  3. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Cut out PMO completely.
     
  4. Toad1999

    Toad1999 Fapstronaut

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    What about an orgasm with said girl?
     
  5. Toad1999

    Toad1999 Fapstronaut

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    I already do give her plenty of oral, it's just a want to be able to please her with my penis
    I appreciate the advice but I'm looking to be able to use my penis as means of sex with her as I already give her plenty of oral.
     
  6. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    The answer to that one is different to every person. My advice is that if it does not cause any negative issues for you it's fine, this is NoFap not no sex. My partner and I have sex during his reboot but our rule was he could only O from me. So no use of his own hands. Many men with pmo induced ED only finish during sex by moing on the girl (mine did). In doing that you only reinforce old habits and make recovery take longer or not happen at all. If she can't make you O then stop and try again later. Many men can't handle this type of frustration so it's best to avoid it entirely. For some sex triggers the need to pmo even if they do O from sex . If that's you don't do it. Finally particularly in a new relationship performance issues can cause distress and anxiety which can trigger pmo. If that's the case then do a hard reboot.
     
    Papasmurf22 likes this.
  7. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    If you have PIED most ED pills won't work. Or they will allow you to get hard but you won't be able to O and that's just as bad (search DE). As far as anxiety drugs the majority cause ED so be cautious.
     
  8. Toad1999

    Toad1999 Fapstronaut

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    I'm really unsure of what PIED exactly is. I can get hard with her very easily but when It comes time to taking clothes off/putting on a condom I'm completely soft by the time we are both ready. This has happened 3 times now and I'm sick of it. I can stay hard when she gives me head but I just can't stand not being able to actually have sex with her.
     
  9. Toad1999

    Toad1999 Fapstronaut

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    I feel like an orgasm with my girlfriend from just her giving me oral/handjob would help my brain reboot and associate orgasms with my girlfriend instead of my own hand and open. But I have no idea. I'm about a week into no pmo and yesterday she managed to keep me hard with oral sex even though I was convinced I'm at my flatline.
     
  10. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    It sounds like you have Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction (PIED) to me.
    My SO also has it.
    He's much further recovered tho... And I agree with GG.
    don't use your hands or go back to P.
    It'll just further your problems.
    Whether it's this girl or a new one later.
    You are now stuck with this problem until you reboot yourself.
     
  11. Toad1999

    Toad1999 Fapstronaut

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    How would it be ED if I can still get up perfectly fine? My problem has always been anxiety and I know how it feels when it happens. I can still get an erection but I just stress out about keeping said erection and it goes away.
     
  12. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    PIED is ED, PE (being a two pump chump) , loss of erection during, unable to even get a erection At all for sex, but able to for hands-on.... And many many other things.
    Please educate yourself.
    If you can with your hands, or P.... But still "stress out with sex" and haven't finished your reboot, you are suffering PIED.
    My guy does this... A year later.
    If he even ogles badly, he gets thrown backwards temporarily.
    And suffers.
    It's a thing.
    It happens.
    To lots of guys.
    There is a whole section here about it even, if you don't believe us.
    And anxiety plays a huge part. It does, we aren't saying it doesn't.
    Just trying to help.
     
  13. Toad1999

    Toad1999 Fapstronaut

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    I'm really unsure of what you meant with the wording in the beginning of this. I've done a few tests with just slow stimulation and thinking about my girlfriend and I can get very hard and stay that way hands free for a while. It's just when I'm with the girl is when things get sketchy.
     
  14. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Yeah.... Fantasy is part of P.
    Of course you can.
     
  15. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    I'm not trying to sound rude.
    But seriously, check out the PIED section.
    Hear it from the men here.
    I'm sure you will find the answers you seek.
    I'm actually sitting with my SO right now and he's telling me he hopes you get your answers.
    Good luck.
     
  16. Papasmurf22

    Papasmurf22 Fapstronaut

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    I've been having sex with my gf on a consistent basis and I've been doing a decent job abstaining from p&m I'm not counting anymore but I'm past a month.. but I'm still depressed and feel like I'm in a flatline most of the time.. does it get better or do I have to take out sex all together too?
     
  17. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    If you feel like it's not helping them try a hard reboot. You may lose the relationship just a heads up but in the long run you will be better off. Many people with porn addictions have underlying depression that led them to self medicate with porn. When porn is removed from the equation then all the underlying feelings that were being suppressed by it come to the surface. And if you don't develop new coping mechanisms you will likely feel depressed. I suggest you seek counseling to deal with your depression. I think that could be what you are dealing with. Sex does not in general medicate the way porn does for addicts, at least not monogamous sex.
     
  18. KillMyDarlings

    KillMyDarlings Fapstronaut

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    You need to cut out PMO and reset the way you think about sex. Your partner will need to understand it, but it's up to you to want to share it with her.

    Anxiety can play into the lives of anybody during sex, but if you are an excessive masturbator, or sexually inexperienced, it's more likely to occur. Feel you are being judged while it's happening?

    You must develop yourself to really feel your girl, activate your emotions, trigger hers, this is what sex is all about, being considerate...enjoying her presence, not the result of orgasm
     
  19. Papasmurf22

    Papasmurf22 Fapstronaut

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    The problem I'm having isn't really with the sex itself.. I've cut off pm since the beginning of July. Sex hasn't gotten a lot better with my gf I have way more sensitivity and I'm a lot more into it physically and mentally.. the problem I'm having is that I'm still walking around feeling depressed and unconfident and still dealing with social anxiety... and I wasn't sure if that was a result of me having sex or is it just the whole flatline stage like one of my nofap brothers mentioned that I'm just going through at this period
     
  20. Papasmurf22

    Papasmurf22 Fapstronaut

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    Lol just realized I put July. I meant since the beginning of June
     

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