Performance anxiety

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by helloo1221, Nov 2, 2019.

  1. helloo1221

    helloo1221 Fapstronaut

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    Hello guys im 19 and a virgin, i look at too many guys writting about the performance anxiety,ive never had a girlfriend but im a really nervous person and i think that when the day will come i could not perform,so i want to ask if some of you the first time they had sex where really nervous but got an erection??? And if i complete the 90 days of nofap will i be more likely to have an erection even with anxiety?? Sorry for this stupid question but i get anxious before even trying to have sex
     
  2. You may not appreciate this answer, but I hope you seriously consider my words.

    Select your partner well. That's what you need to focus on at this point. You have no ability to fully control how a first-time experience will play. You're addressing a high-stress, hormonal-charged, life-changing event. Even someone with no anxiety issues, and no PMO issues, could face challenges during their first serious intimate encounter. Compounding this, you're a person who 1. has a PMO problem of some kind, 2. has an anxiety issue of some kind.

    Someone with an addiction AND an anxiety problem must be very careful with his choice of partner. You need someone understanding, and stable, enough to handle any issues that might arise. If you receive any rejection/anger from your future partner, that's a huge red flag. Communicate clearly, and if you feel the need to conceal your issues due to your partners' negative reaction you should run.

    Consider an alcoholic with social anxiety learning to date while attending AA. He'd need to find a supportive woman who understood his panic in social circumstances, and his anxiety around alcohol use. If he received judgement or anger, we'd all recommend he seek a new partner ASAP before he suffered a relapse or deepening of his mental issues.

    This isn't purely predictive. You may be fine, you may need to spend some time working through issues with a future partner, but if you don't choose an understanding, stable, and loving woman you could end up with deepened PMO, and anxiety, issues.
     
    TealKoala and helloo1221 like this.
  3. helloo1221

    helloo1221 Fapstronaut

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    Yes i totaly agree with you thats the reason that im virgin now,im doing my best to find a girl that will be good with me and understant whatever i have, most guys rush to this things but i think waiting for the right person will be worth it , i dont like saying that im an addict because at nofap for me is not that difficult to not watch porn and i can get really easy a strong erection but the only problem for me i think is the anxiety, so i dont know if you made it to 90 days,if yes i want to ask you if you get less anxious?
     
  4. It sounds to me like you're a normal, and healthily functioning, male. Any hiccups you possess will iron themselves out as you progress in a relationship. Considering your self-control, I'd strongly suggest pursuing a marriage and not a sexual dating relationship. This will give you the time and space to work out any anxiety issues with a partner you know won't leave. Further, once you're comfortable enough to date a woman for a long-enough period to marry her, it's unlikely you'll face the same anxiety issues.

    Tl;Dr, congrats on being a fairly-normal dude, so get married!
     
  5. helloo1221

    helloo1221 Fapstronaut

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    For the marriege im really to young im only 19 and im a student to a university , now i have to find girls not only one, and try learn how they move,for marriege i have about 8-9 years i think , so i dont want to marry the first woman that i will find , but anyway thanks for answers
     
  6. helloo1221

    helloo1221 Fapstronaut

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    You say "Any hiccups you possess will iron themselves out as you progress in a relationship." You meen that i will get less anxious as the time passes when im in a relationship? Sorry for my english but it is not my native language
     
  7. Yes. I mean that if you're in a committed relationship with a caring woman your anxiety (and hers, remember women are far more self-conscious than us) will lower. You really sound like a normal man. Get married bro'!
     
  8. Its normal to be nervous. My first sexual experience, ... even though i was ready and excited, i was nervous and scared at the same time. Luckily it was a girl i had been friends with for a month or so and i trusted her at this point. I was honest with her and she knew i was inexperienced, so she took it slow and helped guide me through it. I was 19 and had been on heavy pmo for several years before. But i had no problems performing when the time came.
    Youll do fine man. Just dont rush it. The right woman will come along.
    And to the one that keeps suggesting getting married.... Im married and although its great and i recommend it, i dont recommend rushing into that. Youre too young for marriage. You should date a bit first. And definitely date a person 3+ years before even considering marriage
     
    helloo1221 likes this.
  9. Fifth Horseman

    Fifth Horseman Fapstronaut

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    Your route won’t be via a bar meet or a one night stand. You will have to become friends first, build mutual trust- trust on your side that she won’t judge you or your manhood if you fail to launch the first couple of times, trust on her part that you indeed find her attractive but you need to go slow to work through some of your own shit, but you are worth the investment in ego and time. I was exactly in your situation and that was my route. Find a girl who is also a potential friend, and when the friendship combines with attraction the magic will eventually happen.
     
    helloo1221 likes this.

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