Perhaps Loneliness is The Root Cause

I think I get depressed when I watched porn because I lose my motivation and interest for almost everything. When I am depressed I also get social anxiety which is a problem especially when trying to get new friends and sometimes even just talking to someone. Social anxiety also makes me shy and because I start to believe in my negative thoughts which tells me that I'm a loser and no one would like to hang with me.
But I've been fighting this porn addiction in order to improve my self -confidence and to actually have a enjoyable future. It is worth it to fight for yourself and to make yourself into the person you want to be.

 

Hi

31 y/o Irish male here.

Loneliness is an affliction. I really believe that like porn like alcoholism...well that the substance is only the painkiller, the pain is the problem.

I've struggled at times with depression. But one thing I've learnt is that depression has to be something you want to get over, a lot of people dont because it means having to deal with reality.

 

Yes and I have realized that my future is worth fighting for and therefor I want to face reality.

 

Hi

For me I have really struggled- I believe IF it had been alcohol or drugs I had been addicted to instead of pornography, it would've killed me long ago!.

But I'm beginning to recognise my triggers...music is one of them, so now I'm avoiding listening to anything that gets me high or songs where the lyrics are sexually explicit so like almost every second song these days!.

The important thing, though and I think it stands to reason with most things in life, that being successful isn't about working hard- they're plenty of people who work hard but who aren't successful- you have to SEE yourself being successful.

 

Loneliness made me do the most stupid stuff when i was younger. These days I take advantage of all the time I have with myself and try to improve on things

 

I feel you man. For me it's hard to connect with most people, but I'm working on it. What I try to do is take an interest in whatever they like. Many people like talking about themselves so I ask questions about their hobbies, their job, family, holidays, etc. After a while I also try to ask more "personal" questions, to dig deeper into knowing the person, questions such as "what are you most proud of ?" or "what's your biggest fear ?". Of course not straight away but after a while. It's good to have your own answers to these questions so you can bounce back on their answer.

At the end of the day I think connecting with others is a skill that we can work on. As with most things in life, it's not fair and some people are better at it "out of the box", some pick it up without even noticing (usually from a very young age), and some have the hardest time learning it.
What remains true is that the only way to improve is to practice, and since you've mentioned you're living isolated from others, it's not easy. Perhaps you could move in a more populated area to increase your daily interactions with other people ? Or just force yourself to social situations more ?

 

Yes, your past has starved you of both. I read in your first post a couple of years ago, that you started M at 6 years old. This really has cost you big time, I think. All of your life energy, all of your joy, all of your self love and self confidence has gone down the drain by continuously thinking of sex and regularly M.
You desire Sex and Companionship? Then stop PMO until you're clean and your brain has rewired. One slide has taken my breath away in the YBOP videos and that's the one in which the issues associated with porn are listed. That's how devastating the addiction is!

 

Dude, that is so sad, man.
But you shouldnt think with the head of the other people, you talk like if you could read peoples mind. And it is not like that.
You are saying a bunch of crap to yourself, buddy. What do you know?

I played sports all my life and i still do. And i love to watch the game and whatever but i will not think anything about you just because you are not good at them. That seems like a childish deduction. Dont be so hard on yourself, pal.

Why anybody in the world shouldnt want to be you friend? Because you dont like sports? That is a bunch of crap. You are using you imagination a lot. Be fair.

Cheer up, there is nothing wrong with you, man. I am a person too and i am telling you

 

Are you sure you don't mean learning difficulty rather than learning disability?- as you come across as very articulate and self-aware, if not a little circumspect!.

In times of stress we need to have friendship to pull us through. In many instances in life, without friendship and really true friends who are there to support is in the many and varied and difficult times, it would be impossible to carry through with all the demands life makes on us.

Friendship is important too because we lighten each others burdens with sharing, light-heartedness and support. We need to love and cherish these people we meet who become true friends as much as we can but also we need to allow ourselves to be cherished.

But if you are struggling to make friends- in the meantime be your own best friend.

With all that you've been through- you're lucky to be as good as you are.

When I'm feeling down, a powerful tool for life I've discovered is 'a jug of positive energy'...sounds a bit whacky I know, I work in healthcare so I'm not usually into anything like this, but make a conscious choice to pour this jug (a physical jug!) over you and it creates that positive energy that helps counteract some of the negativity that is so concomitant of addiction.

 

Don't feel bad. This happens to most people in adulthood, I've learned.

I was talking to my Dr. about that, I said, "I get very lonely."

He said, "Everybody's lonely."

But what I've learned is that loneliness is sometimes better.

Because I am usually not the one to blame for that.

If I try to treat everyone in a reasonable way, but still end up alone, that is out of my control.

Also, these people who I wanted around, they have left me.

And the people who aren't cool, they aren't around either.

This is good because two groups of people aren't here to spew their poison into my brain.

 

I have social anxiety sometimes, but it seems worse when I am trapped in my place.

Then when I go out, the anxiety gets worse for a while, but then I start to adjust.

So, my solution is to force myself to go out for 2 hours a day, even when I don't need to leave.

 

Great Statement!

 

Sometimes getting over depression means ignoring reality