Permanent change

Hi everyone, I'm a 19 year old female who started watching porn and masterbating when I was 15 years old. I went to an all girls high school and I didn't feel as pretty or desirable as the other girls because I was bigger than most of them. Around that age many of them starting getting boyfriends and although I was friends with boys none of those friendships turned into romantic relationships. I wanted the physical gratification initially but as you can imagine that turned into an addiction. I would watch porn into the wee hours of the morning because that's when I had the most privacy even if it was a school night. Eventually instead of feeling good I started to feel lonely and empty but I just didn't have enough willpower to stop. Sometime around March this year I kick started my journey to fitness and decided to shred my porn and maturation addiction along with the extra pounds I was carrying. That was all going well and I'm at my fittest and healthiest. I guess I started to feel lonely again, in my mind I lost the weight so surely I should be attracting more attention . Before I knew it I was masterbating, I felt silly the whole time and I'm angry and upset with myself for giving up months of abstinence, I feel guilty to because I was really trying to build my relationship with God. I'm here because I need help and advice. I don't want to break a streak ever again until I'm married but I can't help the feelings of loneliness that creep in and make me want to do it even though afterwards I feel lonelier and emptier than before. I'd appreciate some support and some advice.

Love and light -