Perseverance and Hope

Reboot
I did not start relapsing but masturbated once. Just like yesterday, it was fight inide my body. Like Tom and Jerry. The thought of PMOing coming and me trying to stay sane. But I was not able to resist one more time. That may have been the end. But there is no way to know now.
I was feeling empty mind. Like without feelings. I was laughing and frowning but was so empty. Watching PMO just changed the place of my emptyness. Its in my heart now.
I don't feel bad. I won't feel bad. I will defeat this addiction like a warrior.

 

And I'm removing my couter permanently as it is not good for me to count days. I was one day away from breaking my days' record. And so I thought its alright to PMO. I will rather count the number of times I masturbate.

 

I'm shattered. Completely broken. It hurts to go on. I don't know what it is but it hurts. But I will go on. I won't be defeated. Not this time. Not anymore. Life is hard. Real hard. Incredibly hard. But I'm going to go on.
Gambare!!!!

 

How do you feel now?

 

Thought you wanted something genuine... Where you at boi? Aren't you afraid that you won't be able to understand anymore?

 

Yeah I feel much better now. That was a bad day. That's all

 

Understand what?

 

Hikigaya only wishes to understand and not to be understood. Don't you remember his crying in front of yukinoshita and yuigahama?

 

Oh yeah. I remembered the genuine part. But forgot the 'to understand rather than being understood' part. I'll rewatch the older seasons when all of season 3 is released.
And I guess its Day 5 for me

 

Good shit.

 

whatever that means .

 

It's something that he's supposed to understand.

 

anime stuff?

 

Yeah. It's a scene concerning the main cast and one of them finally starts opening up to them, that's all.

 

I don't watch anything other than workout videos and fitness these days.
Don't know why.

 

Motivational purposes, maybe?

 

8 or 9