Personal experience with fetishes - do they go away?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Hiraeth, Feb 14, 2017.

  1. Hiraeth

    Hiraeth Fapstronaut

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    Anyone has some advice or piece to share?
     
  2. Fighter84

    Fighter84 Fapstronaut

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    I don't have any direct advice, but from other experiences can say this. There is difference between driving the speed limit and going 160mph in a race car. Someone whose never ridden in a car would think a ride at slow speeds is exhilarating. Whereas a race car driver would think slow speeds are so dull.

    I would say that I personally have two issues, one is addiction, the other is extreme boredom with everyday normal life. Addiction came first, I was attracted to thrills and wanted more. Then I lost control in my pursuit of thrills and became an addict, meaning I kept seeking my thrills even though I was destroying my life.

    Don't know if that helps, but I try seeing the two as separate. I am addicted to lust, and need to deal with the addiction. You may have a fetish you really like and actually lived out through live acts. You need to manage your strong urge to repeat those live acts. They are very much related but somewhat different.

    Resisting urges requires healthy management of emotions, support from others, and a healthy, consistent routine. Healing addiction requires not only resisting urges but introspection, personal growth, and maybe therapy. Think hard, maybe you've already hit rock bottom. It took me a long time to realize I hit rock bottom years ago.

    I don't actually know if you are addicted and I may have misunderstood you entirely. Furthermore I'm only on day 9 and so could be full of shit, not to mention I've never walked a mile in your shoes.

    God bless you and I hope you find what you are looking for.
     
    Hiraeth likes this.
  3. I think there's two categories of fetishes: those that are innate and naturally appeal to you, and those that are brought on by escalating porn use and accelerated symptoms of addiction. (Coolidge Affect, etc). I think that the first type stay with you regardless, and some things will just always appeal to you. I do believe though that the second category will fade and disappear eventually if you stop feeding the fetish with porn that just reinforces it. It's hard to truly know what our kinks and fetishes are when porn clouds our thinking and masks our true selves. Once that cloud is gone we can reevaluate and come to a more realistic assessment.
     
    TheLoneDanger and Hiraeth like this.
  4. Hiraeth

    Hiraeth Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your cool post bro, I appreciate it. Well, I have never 'lived out' my fetish and never plan to. Reason being 1 it would physically impossible and 2 utterly disgusting. I don't want to enjoy my urges or fetish I want to get rid of it :)
     
  5. Hiraeth

    Hiraeth Fapstronaut

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    thank you for your post - so there is no knowing what manner of fetish I have until finished reboot, huh? ;-/
     
  6. Well, not necessarily. Did this particular fetish only become a thing AFTER you starting watching porn? Did you eventually find this particular fetish appealing only after feeling like 'regular' or vanilla porn wasn't cutting it anymore? I think it's a matter of trying to determine what led you to this, vs feeling like you already had it and turned to porn to make it as close to a reality as you could. Does that make sense?
     
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  7. Hiraeth

    Hiraeth Fapstronaut

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    I can't really say, I watched your regular vanilla P at the beginning but ever since I 'discovered' my fetish( which is straight, vanilla sex from a girl's point of view) it is what arouses me the most. I can orgasm to the thought of having sex as a guy with a girl but I am way more aroused by the thought of having sex as a girl with a guy. I know that this sounds really weird, and it is weird but well, can't turn it of like a switch.(┛◉Д◉)┛彡┻━┻

    I don't know, this whole thing is just confusing my identity and creeping me out...
     
  8. Try not to think of yourself as weird, fetishes are completely relative. Having them doesn't make you a deviant or abnormal! That being said, I would suggest sticking with the reboot, and trying to keep those thoughts out of your head during sex if you're sexually active. The goal is to separate your sexual response from being linked to your fetish. You may find that this doesn't even get your motor running anymore if you can go a set amount of time without porn or fantasy.
     
    Hiraeth likes this.
  9. Hiraeth

    Hiraeth Fapstronaut

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    Thank you Jen, yeah you are really right. I am on Day 11 right now, hardmode I plan to go as long as possible, hopefully for full 90 days, at least. We'll see. My biggest fear is just that it's not a conditioned fetish but an innate one, but I guess only time will tell.
     
  10. Try not to worry about it, just take things one day at a time. The reboot process itself will help teach you how to process your fetish in a healthy way too, without having it consume or dominate your sex life. You got this!
     
    Hiraeth likes this.
  11. TheLoneDanger

    TheLoneDanger Fapstronaut

    It sounds a little like you've developed this fetish after watching porn, especially if you were able to get aroused to the vanilla stuff and women in general before the porn. It's easy to see how vanilla can shift to female POV because of the Coolidge effect. I had a couple of fetishes before porn I'm sure of, but constant porn viewing morphed these fetishes into some pretty extreme shit. If you can eliminate PMO from your life and give your body a chance to reboot, I'm pretty sure you'll lose interest in that fetish you have.
     
    Hiraeth likes this.
  12. IGY

    IGY Guest

    Yes, @TheLoneDanger has got it right in all respects. I have nothing to add, I endorse his every word. Take care @Hiraeth.
     
    Hiraeth likes this.
  13. Fighter84

    Fighter84 Fapstronaut

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    Right on man - human beings are interesting creatures. The shit my mind conjures up! I got some advice lately that exhorted me to seek noble things, read good books, listen to good music, seek out good experiences, etc. As opposed to listening to most pop music, reading social media and dumb yahoo articles, or surfing the web for my thrills. That is helping me replace my darkness with beautiful thoughts and sentiments.

    I think the invisible part of us, the "inner" part, can be refined. I believe silver was purified in ancient times by heating it to extremely high temperatures. The contaminating metals would float to the top and the worker would skim those unprecious metals off the top to leave the pure silver underneath.

    That's a good way of thinking of this. Intrusive thoughts, unwanted urges, in their very names is contained the implication that we reject those things. The painful process of separating ourselves from those unwanted things, I would view as a refinement of our souls.

    I am certain that you have "pure silver" within your being my friend. I wonder what it is? I bet it's awesome. The practice of mindfulness may help, if you don't already work on that. Peace be with you!
     
    Hiraeth likes this.

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