Phonesex and Massage Parlours

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by HybridOwl, Nov 25, 2018.

  1. HybridOwl

    HybridOwl Fapstronaut

    I'm trying to get a handle on this, any inputs would be appreciated.

    In recent years my addiction escalated to include phone sex (old-school) and occasional massage parlour trips. Often the former would be used alongside porn to try and make it more powerful (rarely worked) whilst the latter was I think a way for my repressed sexuality to express itself under the laughable guise of being "self-care".

    With massage parlours I would usually back out at the last minute, mainly getting my fix by researching new locations (particularly when away for work), edging on websites and then booking the appointment via text or phonecall. I'd often have a "will I or won't I" heady rush of dopamine as I wandered the streets late at night, doing drive-bys of venues and pulling back at the last minute. Sometimes that would be enough to get the rush I needed. I remember once wandering the London underground for literally hours as I to'd and fro'd between where I should be going and where I thought I "needed" to go.

    Other times, whatever I was carrying (usually some heavy existential angst) led me to end up following through, ending in this feeling of bleak desolation.

    What I'm trying to understand is, did anyone else have a similar pattern where porn had a "narrowing" effect on their life, the shame driving them to repress their sexuality deeper into more solitary acts that basically fed off of anonymity and how did they resolve this? Did they find that dealing with porn use generally killed the desire for these other manifestations of addiction?

    I get that escalation is a part of all this, but one of my fears is that if i focus solely on the porn addiction these other forms of acting out will become more attractive to me again as a substitute.
     
  2. Randy

    Randy Fapstronaut

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    I discovered massage parlors after discovering NoFap. I am not going anymore, but for me, it was part of the learning experience. I was fantasizing with pictures and masturbating about my fetishes. I realized that I would never be satisfied by jerking off alone, but I got the fixation that if I shared my desires with a woman, I would find satisfaction. By having these massages with extras and acting out fantasies that my wife wouldn't indulge, I found that there was nothing good to be found in acting out fantasies that I had been masturbating to. I had to experience that for myself to get over it. I realized that not only were my fantasies empty, but the objects of my fantasies were empty too.
     
  3. I also have used massage parlours a day also hired escorts in the past. Well, two years ago was the last time I visited a massage parlour.
    This was fuelled by watching porn. And, lots of it.
    And, as my wife isn’t that interested in sex much these days I decided to visit a massage parlour 10 years ago. And, after the first time, that led to a second and more tripd followed. Including 2 in the same week. I then moved onto escorts in hotels and their flats.
    Off course this brings problems. Financial to start with. And, the other possibilities of catching an STI.
    I managed to stop 2 years ago.
    Now and then I get the urge. However, so far so good.
    I’ve tried countless times to complete the 90 days however always fail. My longest is 27 days. So, I’m hoping having just joined nofap forums that I can now achieve it. And, with that the thoughts of returning to my old ways might have diminished slightly.
    I started with phone sex. Having watched the girls on babe Station!!
    After that it escalated.
    Your concerned HybridOwl that by sorting out your porn addiction might mean that you would be more focused on going to prostitution?
    I believe they’re both linked to each other. Without porn their shouldn’t be a desire to go looking for sex.
     
    HybridOwl likes this.
  4. I agree with you Randy that it doesn’t work going up prostitutes to act out what you see in porn.
    Mainly because porn isn’t real. And, neither is fantasy with prostitute. It’s empty. Totally empty.
     
  5. A friend of mine went to a massage parlor and got arrested. Now he's a sex offender.

    Don't risk it for an ejaculation over a strange female. Don't do it

    Police do sex stings all the time. They have security camera in the massage parlor.

    Is an ejaculation with a girl worth the risk?
     
  6. I went to a couple too but stopped when I saw what my friend went through. It's not worth this.

    Use Tinder if you want a girl. Plenty of Fish. Etc. But not massage parlors
     
    HybridOwl likes this.
  7. Yep, totally agree.
    It’s illegal. So, yet another reason not to go, on top of financial and medical reasons.
    I’ve never used Tinder. And, don’t attend ever using it.
    What happened to your friend seaguy44 after he’d been arrested.
    Was he charged in a Court? I presume so with him now in the sex offenders list. Was he married?
     
  8. You’ve done well seaguy44 getting to 156 days.
    How do you feel nowadays. Hopefully a lot better.
     
  9. Married. Lost everything. Job, house, children, marriage. Yep he's in the list.

    Thanks for the compliment on 156 days
     
  10. A lot better. I'm working on getting a girlfriend
     
  11. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    Dam. I take it the masseuse he had was underage?
     
  12. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    My view is that paying for sex whether its a hooker or a massage parlor is taking the easy way out. Any shlub can pay for sex. You have to make the decision that that is not an option, same as saying no to fapping to porn.

    Start working on building a life you can be proud of and start talking to girls, even if you fall on your face the first few times.
     
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  13. No. Legal age
     
  14. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    I thought only pedo's get put on sex offender list.
     
  15. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    I've seen the massage parlor ads up on the sites with the escorts. Ive never been to a parlor. Always with escorts. I just feel weird if I were to go into a massage place and really dont know if they would do a happy ending. Regardless it's all ni good. I got problems and I need help guys.
     
  16. No, anyone who get arrested doing sex illegally - regardless of the age
     
  17. Example: Brock Turner - legal age raped a girl (legal age). He's on sex offender list
     
  18. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    Oh okay, wow.
     
    seaguy44 likes this.
  19. Yep! So be a good man! :)
     
  20. HybridOwl

    HybridOwl Fapstronaut

    Thanks for all the replies guys. It's reinforced the point that yes, it is the easy way out, particularly when I become a cipher... "me against the world".

    It's also reminded me how high the stakes are with that stuff. About 3 years ago, I walked into a massage parlour during my lunch break at work, saw how unhappy all the women looked in the murky gloom, changed my mind and stumbled back out with some mumbled excuse. A few months later, that place was raided and shut down by police.

    And just to clarify I'm married 7 years, however intercourse faded out of our relationship when my ED/porn-brain and my wife's own issues around sex became what felt like an insurmountable barrier. We carried on with other sexual acts from time to time. In a way this gave my shadow-side the ultimate excuse, what it saw as "carte-blanche", to go ahead and act out with other level 1 types of sex addiction. In it's insanity, it was something like "something has been taken from me, so I'm gonna take what's mine!" I was just very unhappy in life until recently, until I really started to engage with this thing properly.

    It's been over a year since my last massage parlour trip and about 2 weeks since phone sex, so I feel relatively calm on that front. I'm getting back in touch with my values, starting to work on myself and reconnect with my marriage. I'm seeing those places as perversions of something beautiful, further reduction of people into things to be consumed.
     
    seaguy44 likes this.

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