Physical Abstinence is tougher without Mental Chastity

What I mean by this is that when the repetitive act of MO and the incessant watching of P has reached the inner depths of the psyche and starts to governs underlying day-to-day thought processes and if we continue to fantasise and ogle, imo it's a form of self torture. The journey to full recovery is difficult enough and by continually engaging in mental imagery that no longer serves us from what is the residual of months/years of engaging in PMO, we are not helping ourselves truly recover from this destructive habit. By regaining control of our inner mental and subconscious processes, we may truly give ourselves a chance of overcoming this addiction. Meditation and journaling has helped me gain these insights, maybe you could give it a try. Find a healthier way to deal with what you are feeling, because on this journey to sobriety there will be things that come up from the depths of your psyche. Resolve it now! No time like the present. Keep going, you got this! Never give up!

 

My only issue with therapy is that DSM-V does not recognise PMO as an addiction, or even recognise it at all. Unless you are seeing a specialty therapist (at your own risk) or have joined SAA (difficult in Covid times), the options to deal with the addiction are pretty limited. Your best best would be the NoFap community and also personal spiritual exploration. Let go of the mental fixation on counting days and proactively work on yourself and see the magic happen my friend. Meditation helped me to create distance between the urges/thoughts that were constantly popping up in my head and journaling first thing in the morning (longhand, not on the computer) helped me gain clarity about those thoughts. Maybe you could try the same. Nip the repetitive, toxic thoughts in the bud.

"Where attention goes, energy flows. Where intention goes, energy flows." - James Redfield

 

By engaging in those thoughts on a conscious level, we have encouraged the mind to take those same processes to the subconscious level. By quieting the mind, we can access those subconscious levels of thought and bring them to the surface. There we can wield the mental katana with precision and cut these thoughts out once and for all. There will be a lot of thoughts that have sunk below and once you actively try to weed them out, they will occasionally surprise you in their intensity & frequency, but for the most part if you work towards letting them go, the power they hold over you will start to weaken. Persistence is key.

 

It's difficult for me to agree with the statement that "any attempt to govern the mind is an exercise in futility." It may be true if the understanding of the mechanism of the mind is lacking, but through daily practise you too can learn to feed the mind the fodder it really needs. Not the bullshit we've been feeding it for years. So be patient and learn to observe your thoughts without judging them. I think that's the key, is to withdraw that initial judgement that the mind is such an expert at. The undoing will take some time and by daily practise and not getting attached to the outcome, we give ourselves a chance.

Again, instead of fighting the old, spend more time and energy building the new. I too was stuck in the trap of trying to get to a number of days, but after many many attempts over the last 3 or so years I've realised that the obsession with the counter is yet another addiction. And it's easy to relapse/reset because then you just go back to 0. And then we beat ourselves up that we couldn't even make it to so and so day. Sadly, this perpetuates the cycle. Break free from it. Be the you that you know you're capable of being. And don't be so hard on yourself. We are our harshest critics, we all need some self-love too man.

Are you self-destructive? Are you destructive of your self? Are you destructive of your true nature? These are questions to ponder.

 

What I was trying to say is this (from BuddhaGuySid on NoFap subreddit) :

The more you resist, the stronger what you resist becomes.

To defeat it, accept it and then move on - it will lose all power.

There is nothing mystical about reality. It's all much more simple than that.