PIED and DE cured. 200+ days without P. No urges.

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by runksoneck, Mar 1, 2021.

  1. runksoneck

    runksoneck Fapstronaut

    Hey guys, I consider myself free from the cycle of that addiction.

    I know it can be hard to you to trust me, and I know that when I was in your spot i also have doubts about if it was possible. But i managed to solve this problem in my life for 7 months now (march/2021)

    My History related with PMO

    My history related with this addiction starts around when i was around 12/14 years old. I was shy, with social anxiety had low self esteem, was bullied in school sometimes, couldn't get laid, was afraid to talk, to date girls...So i started to develop this addiction.

    Then i got in college, i had the same problems. The addiction was so hard that i had suicidal thoughts sometimes and i almost dropped out of college because of social anxiety. I managed to solve some problems related to social anxiety and with girls with the help of some friends, but i couldn't get rid off PMO.

    I also had DE and PIED, i couldn't feel pleasure in sex.

    I also had a relationship where her necessity of sex was way below of mine, which only made me search for more PMO to satisfy my sexy drive, which only made me more numb, and was affecting our relationship. We then broke up because of all of that.

    I just know i attempted a LOT since i was 18/20 years old when i accepted that this was a problem in my life (i am now 27). i failled so many times that i can't count, i reached 15, 60 , 83, 120+ days without pmo hardmode but failed again and again and again.

    So in 2020, i decided to solve this, to put this as a priority in my life, I would do everything I could to solve this. I was angry with all that because i couldn't trust my own word, it was disturbing other areas of my life, i had no control of my own acts, I was a totally impulsive guy when the urge came, I had to stop everything to do PMO.

    So then i searched for a therapist. I was reluctant about that idea, to the idea to open about my life, my problems, to trust someone about all that, but I had to do everything I could, I needed to try. So i was searching for a man who knew about nofap, about the ''addiction'', but i didn't find. So searching for therapists that attend my medical plan, I eventually booked with a woman that at least was well rated in some doctor's forum.

    There i told about my problems in an honest way. She then made me realize what was going on in my life, i took her advice and worked!

    So now i am here to share some of the things that i think it was relevant and that i learned and that maybe can help you if you practice.

    Well, so what worked for me?

    1- THE ROOT -


    I realized that I was using PMO to run away from my problems in life, it was a mechanism that I built to feel good in moments when I felt pain. But that turned into a super bad habit (strong connections, a lot of triggers, easy, feels good). So for example:
    - I didn`t know how to manage my emotions, then i used PMO
    - I didn`t know how to deal with my shyness, then i used PMO
    - I didn`t know how to deal with my frustration at career, then i used PMO
    - I didn`t know how to deal with my relationship, then i used PMO
    - In dealing with my sexual drive my default mechanism was PMO.
    Are you also running away from problems?

    Why i consider that important?

    Because doing no pmo i was only treating the symptoms, so i had to understand the root of all that.

    2 - NEW HEALTHY MECHANISMS -

    i needed to solve these problems (emotions, shyness, career..)

    So I started to do therapy in September 2020 and there she made me see:
    - new perspectives of my past
    - made me work on my shyness (social habilities, self-esteem,
    self-knowledge...)
    - made me do gradual challenges in quitting the cycle, in weakening this habit.
    - in my career, I changed. I was on a path to get the approval of my parents instead of following my dreams.
    - in a relationship, I started to date again
    I also took a lot of courses to study emotional intelligence to know how to deal with my feelings, how to identify them, how to not be reactive...

    I also started again to meditate to deal with my anxiety, especially related to my shyness.

    3 - LOOP & HEALTHY NEW OPTIONS TO DEAL WITH YOUR SEXUAL DESIRES

    While dealing with these problems, I also needed to weaken the habit of pmo. but I realized that I was in a cycle again, doing no pmo hardmode, then getting x days (15, 60, 80, 120+) and then i was so aroused that I couldn't hold my desire anymore and because my default mechanism was pmo, I was continually having relapses, felling like sht all the times.

    Why that?

    Because I didn't have other healthy options to deal with my healthy sexual desires. Only sex. But I was using mainly PMO to satisfy my sexual needs, but and PMO deregulate our brains with too much dopamine, so we have sensitization, desensitization, altered response to stress and sex turns out feeling like crap, because only PMO has novelty, super stimulus, is unlimited, is easy to access.

    The problem is that our sexual desire will always be there, and until now i only had PMO and sex to satisfy my needs.

    What i saw from that perspective is that if I chose only sex as my mechanism to deal with my healthy sexual needs, i know that someday i would not have sex for weeks, maybe months. And in that occasion, I would try to hold my healthy sexual energy, but eventually, the desire would be so huge that every little thing (images, woman in street) would turn me extremely on, and probably I would PMO, because is the only mechanism left for me besides sex and that i had practiced for years.

    I know I can't, I can't be consistent with that, depending only on sex to deal with my healthy sexual desires. So that's why I added M without P and without escaping to my arsenal.

    So I know if for some reason I couldn't have sex for weeks or even a month, I can satisfy my healthy sexual desires with M.

    I know I can live that way for my entire life because is balanced, I will be not holding my sexual desires, ignoring them. If I don't have one, I have another option that isn't PMO.

    I prefer sex and M without P and without being an escape than to PMO.

    I don't have more urges now because I don't need more PMO to satisfy my healthy sexual desires, isn't more of an option for me. I have more healthy options.

    _____________
    ANALYSIS


    You have to look at why you are using PMO as a crutch, is it because of your sexual desires? is it because when you are feeling anger, tedious, anxious, sick you are using PMO to feel good?

    You have to look at these things, focus mainly on that, not trying to focus on the 90 days challenge, you have to find a system that works for you your entire life, that you can be consistent.

    Can you have sex every week for your entire life? I know I can't. So that's why I added M without being an escape and without P.

    Can you only by discipline and motivation not PMO for your entire life? Mostly cannot even do it for 90 days, 180 days. I couldn't. And that is okay, because that mission is hard, further if you try to do it for 1 year, 2 years, your entire life.

    We are holding our healthy sexual desires, but like I said we will always have that sexual energy, and if you ignore it, it will call out, and probably you will PMO because of the cravings. So instead of holding that sexual energy, chose a path that is balanced, that you can do for your entire life, chose sex and M without being an escape and without P.

    And like I said, you can condemn M, and try to stay only with sex, but as i said, can you have sex for your entire life every week? will you ignore your sexual energy? will you try to hold on until you have sex? You will be a slave to sex that way. And probably when you won't have sex your cravings will grow and you will be risking going back to PMO.


    ___________________

    About DE and PIED

    - I had both DE and PIED. Sometimes I couldn't get an erection or it wasn't rock solid. And when I could get an erection, I had almost no sensibility in my dck and I only could get an O with a lot of time and with much work from her.

    - So what worked for me mainly is that I kept away from PMO.

    - But i think what is also important and helped me is:
    - started practicing kegel exercises for man
    - changed my condom to a thinner one
    - reduced the pressure in M
    - started to be more present in S, instead of fantasizing while doing S.
    _________________________________


    BENEFITS

    I cured my DE (delayed ejaculation) and PIED and got back my sensibility
    I feel proud of my journey
    I made a lot of changes in my life and my mind
    more self-esteem
    started to dating more girls
    My consistency in the gym and in my diet went to another level
    My anxiety is controlled by emotional intelligence and by meditating almost every day
    changed my career path to something i love it.


    Well, that is it, I hope it can help. Success in your journey.

    ________________
    PLAN OF ACTION FOR YOU


    1- Are you really addicted? Can you stop using it? or when you try it cravings come strong?

    2- If you are addicted, why you need to stop it? Is affecting your relationships, your life, are you wasting time, energy with PMO? Do you have DE or PIED?

    - If you think it's okay to PMO, doesn't matter what I tell you, you won't change, you don't want, you don't think is relevant to your life.
    - If you think is hurting you or preventing you to be the best version of yourself, then chose a big why that is relevant to you, is to save your relationship? is to cure your DE or PIED? If you chose something that isn't really important to you, you will be missing something very important part.

    Your big why will be the fire to your motivation part, to why you will be doing this change.

    3- What are your options to deal with your healthy sexual need?

    1- PMO
    2- PMO and sex
    3- PMO and sex and M without P and without being an escape
    4- Only sex
    5- Sex and M without P and without being an escape



    4- What is your option that you think you can maintain for your entire life without having to recur to PMO?

    1- Only sex
    - if you chose that option, how many times per week you think is okay for you to satisfy your sexual need? and can you have that for your entire life?
    2- Sex and M without P and without being an escape
    - if you chose that option, how many times per week you think it's okay for you to satisfy your healthy sexual need?
    3- Trying to transmute your sexual energy and sex
    4- Being a monk, ignoring/suppressing your sexual energy

    5- What are the things you use PMO as a crutch besides your healthy sexual need?

    1- When you feel anxious, you PMO to feel good
    2- When you feel tedious, you PMO to feel good
    3- When you feel happy, you PMO to feel good
    4- When you feel alone, you PMO to feel good
    5- When you are sick, you PMO to feel good
    6- When you have worked very hard through the day or the week, you give you a reward, PMO to feel good
    7- Your relationship isn't going well, so you PMO to feel good
    8- Your work isn't going well, you PMO to feel good
    9- Your self-esteem is low, so you PMO to feel better
    10- You blame your past, your choices from the past, you PMO to feel good
    11- You had traumas from the past, so you PMO to feel good

    6- What will the role that you are in today?

    1- Are you a victim of the circumstances and blame everything else?
    2- Are you a victim of the circumstances and blame some people, in other matters you know it is your responsibility?
    2- Do you take responsibility for everything in your life?

    7- What will you do to every problem that you are using PMO as a crutch?

    1- You will ignore it
    2- You accept the fact, and don't think is relevant
    3- You change your perception about the fact and turns out not to be a problem and that doesn't affect you anymore
    4- You will choose to change

    8- If you chose to change, how will you do it?

    1- alone, by try and error
    2- with the help of someone, by try and error
    3- with the help of someone that already got the result you want

    9- What path you will choose?

    1- I will do nofap hardmode for 90 days only by motivation and discipline and don't know what i will do after, holding my healthy sexual energy until there, despite the cravings

    2- I will do nofap hardmode for 90 days only by motivation and discipline, holding my healthy sexual energy until there, despite the cravings, and after I will maintain my healthy sexual energy only with sex, and when i won't have sex i will hold my energy risking have cravings and going back to PMO

    3- I will do nofap hardmode for 90 days by motivation and discipline, and will analyze and solve why I use PMO as a crutch to my problems, holding my healthy sexual energy until the end, despite the cravings, and after I will maintain my healthy sexual energy only with sex, and when I won't have sex I will hold my energy risking have cravings and going back to PMO

    4- I will do nofap hardmode for 90 days by motivation and discipline, and will analyze and solve why I use PMO as a crutch to my problems, holding my healthy sexual energy until the end, despite the cravings, and after I will maintain my healthy sexual energy with sex and with P without M and without being an escape.

    5- I will focus mainly on the process, having sex and M without P and without being an escape since the beginning and I will analyze why I use PMO to my daily problems and will find better and healthy solutions,

    5- I will focus mainly on the process, having and M without P and without being an escape since the beginning and I will add sex as an option as soon i find a girlfriend or girl to go out. And I will analyze why I use PMO to my daily problems and will find better and healthy solutions,

    6- I will focus mainly on the process, choosing only sex as my option to deal with my healthy sexual need and when I won't have sex I will hold my energy risking have cravings and going back to PMO.
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2021
  2. Mokoulou

    Mokoulou Fapstronaut

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    Great success brother. It took you how many months to feel like you are cured? Also what about social anxiety and depression? Did you have premature ejaculation? Hope you respond brother
     
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  3. Congratulations, man.
     
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  4. How many days did you go no pmo?
     
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  5. FrenchOliver

    FrenchOliver Fapstronaut

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  6. Patillitas

    Patillitas Fapstronaut

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    Hey man @runksoneck first of all thanks to share with us your experience and congratulations for your journey. I found too many coincidence between your journey with my journey, the age, the proccess, but mainly the focus in the HABITS. I am reading and have read much information about how to habits work; I read Power of Habits and I am reading HABITS ATOMICS, and I have too much hope in this book. I know that understanding how the habits operate in my brain I can found the way to avoid bad habits and implement good ones. I know all the theory signal, desire, rutine, reward and repeat. But I couldn't apply this in my own life.
    That's why I would be really grateful if you could explain me more about this topic, taking advantage your own experience. I'll leave you a message here.
    Thanks again @runksoneck , this show me that I am in a good way, to learn about habits to my life in general and by the way beat this shit addiction; just have to fix details.
     
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  7. runksoneck

    runksoneck Fapstronaut

    Like i said, i have a different process, i still do M and sex, but i did cut off P. Took about 4 or 5 months to really trust in this process, that i could maintain this in the long term. And like i said, i don't have more the craving to watch P and do MO.

    I didn't have depression, at least i was not diagnosed. I still have a little of soxial anxiety, specially to speak in large groups, but other than that, I improved a lot. I can communicate much better, keep conversations for longer, start conversations, introduce new subjects, be much more authentic, I eliminated many limiting beliefs like: I don't know how to speak well, I'm not interesting.

    For me at least this shyness is much related with low self steem and lack of social skills. So i started to invest in myself to increase my self steem (in appearance, less comparisons, in the physical, changing the career to something I wanted..) and in the social skills i am tranning a lot of things like: storytelling, start conversations, use hooks in conversations to move on to other subjects, look into the eyes, vary the tone more, and especially, invest time to read more, have more experiences to have something to talk about. So I started to know new restaurants, new bars with the girls I was going out with, I also made a habit of reading the newspaper every day, at least 5/10 minutes.

    I didn't have premature ejaculation, only delayed ejaculation, my sensitivity was very low until a short time ago, and sometimes I used gone limp or not get totally hard or i was totally hard, but I lost my erection very fast. Now my sensitivy is very good and the sex is amazing. I think what helped a lot is not to M very hard, not pressing too much, not doing P->M->O, getting used to the sensation of the vagina again, the condom you use, I changed it to a thinner one, and patience, because like i said, my sensitivity only returned about 1 or 2 months, so it was about 4 or 5 with still low sensitivity. Ahh, other thing that i think that is helping a lot also is do exercises to the male pelvic muscle. I get now more stronger erections and i have more control now. So definitively is a game changer.

    good luck brother


    Thanks, man.

    Like i said, i still do M and sex, but i did cut off P. But not doing P->M->O is around 6/7 months now, and also no more cravings during this time too.


    Thanks, man.

    Yeah, man, understanding how habits work trully was a game changer in my life, not only for building new healthy habits (exercising 3/5 times week, eating healthy (80% of time), medidating everyday, sleeping and waking up at the same time almost everyday...) but also for weaken bad habits.

    In my perspective, the mainly thing you need to pay attention is in the triggers, the desire and in the routine.

    - Firstly pay attention when you feel the craving, when the triggers appears?
    - and specially start hiding some very strong triggers,​

    - Now look at the desire behind the trigger
    - Is just sexual desire? Or is your mind trying to feel pleasure to avoid pain (emotional, physical)?
    - Like i said, i felt a lot of triggers to avoid what i was doing (studying to something that i didn't really fell pleasure, to satisfy someone else dream), what i felt emotionally (my selfsteem was low, you also natturaly have a lot of doubts about yourself for not being able to beat this addiction, my social anxiety, I couldn't recognize my emotions, so I suppressed everything, but eventually they get too big and the way I had automated it was to resort to addiction, to feel pleasure in this emotional pain)​

    - Now, if is sexual desire, go and M without P, just with your imagination. But if isn't, you need to solve this problem. You have 3 options, you can accept, ignore or take action

    - I know that for many this is a super habit that you kind do it in automatically, but you need to be more conscious about the process. May this part is one of the most important

    - Now you change the routine
    - So in my case, when is sexual desire, i do M and sex. In the beggining was around 5 times per week (M). Then started to decrease M because I felt less need when I had sex and because i wasn't doing MO to avoid pain, anxiety...was only sexual desire. And i did repport that to my therapist every week, specially in the beggining, if i was doing because i had sexual desire and when i was running away from something.

    - when wasn't about sexual desire i went to therapy, i studied about emotional intelligence, i quit the career that my parents wanted, I invested in myself (in appearance, studying, eating, exercising...), i invested in meeting new girls...

    - The most important part, because you can't supress your sexual desire for many months without a TON of discipline. And just see your ''healthy friends'', 95% of them do M and do sex. . I remember myself telling that i would never do M again, but my therapist made me see that wasn't healthier. You can't depend only in sex, otherwise you are exchanging one addiction for another, balance is everything. I felt fear when i started to M again, because i was afraid of to go back to everything that was, but instead M was part of the solution.
    - And you can't keep that balance if you have big problems in your life still unresolved (especially when you use your addiction to feel good in bad situations), because the triggers for P will keep coming. I am far away from being the perfect guy, like i said, i still have i little of shyness, for example, but i am actively improving it and I know how to deal with it emotionally, I don't resort to P.
    That's my theory and it is what worked for me.
    - the reward
    - related to sexual desire, is the process of M and sex and O.
    - related to the other problems, is relative to each of them. In the carrer i feel more pleasure, purpose, more money...In my self-esteem there was a significant increase..In the emotional intelligence i have a lot more control, i recognize them and have a process when i am angry, when i am tedious, with anxiety...
    Being conscious about this process and testing it in my life for around 6/7 months that gave me the confident to say that i am free now. And i also know that i can retturn to this bad habit if i start to PMO again to run away from my problems, PMO to always keep avoiding disconfort in my life, PMO when keep seeking unhealthy things in my life, PMO afraid of to not go after womans and get real sex...some sht like that.

    I also don't call myself and an addict or an ex addict (suggestion from my therapist), that made total sense for me, because if you keep repeating to yourself this sht you in one way or another will embody this role. I prefer view this like a bad habit that i weakened / replaced for healthier habits, mechanisms.

     
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2021
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  8. Great post, but I have it so bad I never reached 30/90/120. You only really get free of it after that point? Hell, I'd feel amazing if I reached my new max of 16 days. Trying not to count, but on day 4 now.
     
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  9. runksoneck

    runksoneck Fapstronaut

    i got free when i tested for some time and started to trust the process that i talked about, M without P and sex only when you feel the sexual desire and not for escaping from other problems in life...

    And when i decided that solving this bad habit was the priority number one in my life.
     
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  10. For now I'm using my laptop in the living room to avoid being alone. Whenever I am alone, the desire to open an anonymous tab and ruin everything comes. I got tired of this crap about fucking my hand in the face of bits and bytes in high definition. Porn just left me inattentive, without muscles and exhausted every day.
     
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  11. runksoneck

    runksoneck Fapstronaut

    i have been there, @Bozzo, in that loop, feeling exhausted everyday, and only feeling pleasure in life with pmo. I did that for years, thinking that it was okay, after all i had acomplishied some things in my life. But you CAN`T accept living that life, you CAN`T SETTLE UP WITH SO LITTLE IN YOUR LIFE.

    Looking back now, i also had that belief in all areas of my life. So first i made priority in my life to solve this bad habit, then i also faced that with girls, i was content to be with average girls or worse (7-) or with anyone! lonely!, now that sht dosen`t happen anymore, i deserve more in my life. I also had that belief in my carreer, my belief was that i didn`t deserve work with some thing that i had pleasure and also could gain money, i was afraid of the changes, of what others could think of me. But fuck that sht, it`s my life, i deserve better, i deserve everything i want and for what i work for

    What needs more to happen to you to realize that you need make this a priority in your life? that you need try different things to solve this? that you need help
     
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  12. We are in the fight. Enjoy the moment and pray for our Brazil. hugs.
     
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  13. Clay1989

    Clay1989 New Fapstronaut

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    Can you tell me more about this? It's my only problem! I can't feel pleasure and i can cum only if i masturbate.
     
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  14. Asgardian36

    Asgardian36 Fapstronaut

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    Hey man I am so happy for you that you have cured your PMO habit. I was wondering what was the time it took for you on this streak to get to the point where you have cured PIED, DE??? So by MO ing you have been able to cure PIED/DE?? When did u know for sure that PIED/DE was cured? did have sex?
    Sorry for the questions bro. Answer only if you are comfortable with it.

    Thank you for posting your success story, it is inspiring to me and a lot of ther folks.
     
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  15. runksoneck

    runksoneck Fapstronaut

    Yeah @Clay1989, i suffered all my sex life with this problem, only a few months ago that i solve this.

    What worked for me:
    1. Break the habit of P->M->O. big one
      1. You disassociate pleasure with only with PMO
    2. Don't M very hard
      1. gradually decrease the pressure. big one
      2. be present for the sensations, the touch
      3. M fantasizing, but sometimes just feeling the physical sensation
    3. Change your condom to a thinner one. big one
    4. Make sex
      1. be present for the sensations, the touch
      2. start to make sex with the person, not with your mind fantasizing. big one
    5. Time.
      1. Mantain 1. Repeat 2,3,4.

    That's it. Now the sex is amazing for me, waaaay better than M.





    Like i said above, i did all these things to cure my PIED/DE.

    Most of the time i only had DE with low sensitivity. But sometimes, specially when i was a little tired or a little drunk i couldn't get hard. Or when i was
    unconfortable with the girl i couldn't get fully hard. And i usually lost my erection very fast when i wasn't inside her.


    was wondering what was the time it took for you on this streak to get to the point where you have cured PIED, DE???

    i don't know exactly, but I know that after I had sex for the first time after quitting the PMO habit, around 2/3 months, I had no PIED problems, but my DE problem i was only able to resolve after about 4 to 6 months. Especially after I reduced the pressure of M, I changed the condom to a thinner one, and continue to have sex regularly and obvious i stopped P->M->O


    When did u know for sure that PIED/DE was cured?

    DE - when I realized that I could cum in different positions and without taking too long and without fantasizing during sex.

    PIED - when I realized that my erection was still strong even after a while. and when I realized I could get hard all the time, even if it took a while to warm up the things.


    So by MO ing you have been able to cure PIED/DE??

    Yes. But without P. and with the tips i said above.


    did have sex?

    yes. every week. game is game, training is training. But like i said, the first sex was only after about 2 months of stopping PM. Then during those 2 months I was just M, without P. And every week I kept reporting to my therapist how many times I did it and if I was using M to relieve my sexual desire or if it was a mechanism to escape some problem.


    Thank you for posting your success story, it is inspiring to me and a lot of ther folks.


    Thanks, man. i hope i can help in some way;
     
    Last edited: Mar 12, 2021
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  16. J053H32n4nd32

    J053H32n4nd32 Fapstronaut

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    It's not hard for me to trust.
     
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  17. Asgardian36

    Asgardian36 Fapstronaut

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    thank you so much for the information, ronksonek, I appreciate it a lot. Gives us all hope.
     
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  18. How man
    How many times a week did you have sex?
    I feel like I’m in a similar boat, I don’t have the urges to PM but I’m with someone so I have s and o but I can only go a couple times a week I want to please my partner and I want to go more so how did you expieriance that and have gone multiple times in one session? When did you start noticing significant changes ?

    brigado cara
     
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  19. How many times a week did you have sex?
    I feel like I’m in a similar boat, I don’t have the urges to PM but I’m with someone so I have s and o but I can only go a couple times a week I want to please my partner and I want to go more because I’m enjoying the real thing better now so how did you experience that and

    have gone multiple times in one session? When did you start noticing significant changes ? Did you have multiple partners to heal or one?

    brigado cara
     
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  20. callousedfinger

    callousedfinger Fapstronaut

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    Good for you man. I told my first therapist about not fapping and she told me “your just bored and need some structure.” Downplaying the whole addiction thing, I was right back it. My current one, her intern she switched me over to, I waited until about a month to tell her and she implied to me nofap was a bad idea for my “sexual health,” but this time I stayed firm in my belief and gave her my reasoning to which she was persuaded enough to look into it (which included my own pied). For me, this carried on to ed while watching p, and at my lowest I’d just wait for the symptoms to go away after a few days and try again. Glad you had one that helped you through it though, but for me at least it seems the community at large is still not up to speed.
     
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