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Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by winningover, Dec 28, 2019.
So glad to hear brother, so glad to hear.
It's okay to don't have any problem with being single. But eventually, I feel that bonding and sex is rated very high by our reward systems. After a successful reboot, one should seek out a partner as that would definitely help in not relapsing as well. Not saying that partner is a replacement of porn, but fulfilling this desire in a natural manner will bring about its own fruits which is greater than being single in the long term.
It totally depends since you shouldn't seek out a serious relationship until you are comfortable on your own first. Being single in the long-term is exactly what most guys would need since that would give them some time and a chance to create a great life without having that neediness on a relationship for it to feel complete.
Because, if you do have a great life besides that relationship, it wouldn't be a disaster if it ends since you have plenty of good things to fall back on. But if you do enter one with the attitude that "I won't feel complete until being in a relationship and having regular sex", you should consider doing some serious work on yourself first before entering one because if you go into it with that frame of neediness, much of your world will fall apart as soon as it ends. I have seen plenty of guys who can't remain single for even a few months after a breakup since they have that neediness of always wanting and needing someone in their life.
By dedicating so much of their free time to their "significant other" in order to please them, they don't have much time over to work on their interests, hobbies, goals and purposes in life (like a new business idea that requires lots of own time) and continue to live a mediocre life because of that neediness.
I'm an SO , my husband has pied & I'm wondering where in recovery he might be. We've gone soft mode. He's on day 144 and can maintain an erection now. However he's not get spontaneous erections during the day and if I attempt to touch him it's very slow going up. Which obviously is way better than it was.
Any advice would be great , I'm hoping one day his erections will become instant again.
hi, its great to hear from a significant other on these forums. I would say it would depend on a few things.
1) if there was any porn use at all in those 144 days. This is the main one. To make real progress you must stay absolutely clean.
2) how long he used porn for
3) how long each session was
4) how many times a day/week was it done
there are others but i would say that those are the main factors that play a role in an individual’s recovery. In terms of length of time its hard to really say. I would say if you are seeing progress then thats great, keep doing what he is doing. Some take 6 months to 2 years for a full recovery so we just have to be patient and let the rewiring process take its course.
I have heard bonding really helps the rewiring process so you could try that.
hope this helps
Clean in those 144 days
Pmo for around 20 months
Session times quick ish I think to save getting caught ( think he ended up with death grip to ). Although he's never really told me times , just that it wasn't a long time.
Pmo Daily sometimes twice
Soft mode takes a lot of time for people with PIED. I think for people with PIED hardmode is necessary but it's not always possible so waiting is the only option you have, or hardmode. The reason why his progress is slow is because he is not deprived of the dopamine hit while orgasming so if you want to have sex and heal him too at the same time, ask him not to orgasm as if he does it's gonna take a long time for him to heal. Try karezza if possible. All the best!
I think I stupidly thought 90 days and all would be fixed. And for the most part it is , he can maintain erections with distraction's now. It's just the most that hurts is the none arousal to kissing , touch ( although it does go up , abeit slowly ) which is massive progress from not feeling me at all.
We have sex on his terms , normally once a week.
I guess everything is starting to look better - not swollen thickened skin , shrinkage has all but gone. Just all round looks and feels like his , if that makes sense?
I did want to add - I'm so proud of you all for making a change & getting rid of pmo from your lives & treating your partners better
It's gonna take some time, 90 days is just to see some small changes. Although his progress is a lot so I'm happy for you guys. I'm proud of me too xD, thanks!
Hey man congrats your story is somewhat similar to mine in terms of me joining nofap 2 days ago because of my pied
I’m in a similar place as you were.
I’m 24 years old, been masturbating for probably longer than 10 years and watching/not watching porn. I’ve had girlfriends, sexual partners. And if I’m being honest with myself as of late it’s been awful and very embarrassing for me.
I’ve had erectile dysfunction problems since college. Watching porn and masturbating was normal for me whether it’s in the morning or after school/work I’ve done it for years. It relieves stress and it feels good in the moment.
The problem now is that I’ve conditioned myself to masterbate or watch porn. I can still get hard with either but it’s not really gratifying.
About 7 months ago me and this girl I dated for 3 years broke up. And since then my masterbating frequency increased to a couple times a day.Because well I was either bored or not having sex. It gets depressing. And emotionally damaging to myself.
I’ve been with a few girls since then and have had sex. But several times when I’ve tried to have sexual encounters with new women. I just go limp. I know I shouldn’t masterbate. And the women are attractive too and I’m attractive to them. But I can’t get hard, I can’t get it up, and I can’t penetrate as of late. But I know my conditioning and sensitivity has been fucked up years ago.
The biggest problem I have is to sustain a erection when I’m going to have sex with a girl. The most depressing this is the look on there faces “what the fuck is wrong with you look” lol. It’s not actually funny at all when it happens.
Unfortunately this has happened several times with a lot of beautiful girls that leave pissed or confused. It happened in the beginning of the relationship with my ex gf where she actually cried because she thought I didn’t think she was pretty which wasn’t the case at all. It wasn’t them it was me.
Reading your story was inspirational for me. The most difficult thing I think is the timeline of how long the reboot actually is. I also want to have sex but I’m terrified of not being able to get it up if you know what I meanz everyone’s different, I literally joined this two days ago but I’ve known about it for a while. We all have the same goal. And mine is to make my dick work properly again because it’s embarrassing.
Congrats and GoodLuck!
Thanks for the feedback brother. Yes, the timeline is difficult indeed but like I discussed in my post, we really have no other way out but to do the reboot and rewire our brains to become healthy. If we continue delaying our reboot, we are only decreasing our quality of life with every passing day and also making our reboot journey more difficult. Just remember that delaying your reboot is only making your reboot (whenever you decide to do it) more difficult. And when you recover, you will get many other benefits besides a working dick. But to recover, you need patience, perseverance and most importantly KNOW what you're achieving and KNOW that pain is temporary, benefits are Permanent.
I'm 36 and a virgin. I've been PMO free since August 2017. I've since done 2-3 three months hardmode and one 6 month hardmode.(Currently on hardmode for as long as possible as part of my new year's resolution)
I don't believe I experience symptoms related to PIED apart from erectile dysfunction, lack of reaction to real sexual stimuli and no libido (My penis is rarely dead anymore but still a little bit smaller than it should be).
Therefore, my moments of anger and crying, I believe, could well be emotional/psychological (ie, I have hard time not focusing on regrets of missing out on my youth) and not related to PIED.
Anyway, even though my recovery (based on the above info) seems to be on track, I don't feel that I would be able to get an erection with a woman (whether this is because of PIED or because of my heavy emotional problems, I don't know).
I danced and kissed (and sexually touched) a beautiful woman few weeks ago, but I didn't get much erection.
I just, for whatever reason, don't identity with the recovery stories of other people whatsoever - it just seems like something that cannot happen to me as I have extra problems apart from the PIED (ie, the emotional/psychological issue of missing out on young sex coupled with the life's stressors of nearly two decades).
Really great man, I am happy and as well as a bit panicked reading your story, that what exactly the disaster it is(porn) otherwise sometimes I start to dive some excuses to myself
dive some excuse to watch porn? or not do the reboot?
Excuses like, watching once doesn't have effect it's normal bla bla....
I would suggest to go hard mode now until PIED is cured. The same happened to me. After 6 months, I started getting response from my penis i.e. getting hard without porn. After that, I did two months hard mode and got cured.
I'm thinking that's what were going to have to do. After no issues for a month or so , it went down half way through.
You cannot pass such sweeping negative statements about yourself just based on whim and feelings. You haven't been with a woman physically then how can you say this? If you read my post closely, I couldn't have sex with my wife for one complete year and that was my first time with any woman physically. So should I have just given up thinking that there is sth wrong with me? And you haven't even been with a woman physically yet! Its great that you've started your reboot. Even if you have PIED, it will be cured through reboot.
Does bonding help in curing PAWS?
Hmm im not too sure on that one. My guess is that it could help make the addiction pathways weaker. We want to unwire or forget those PMO memories as best we can so i think anything that speeds up that process is helpful with the healing symptoms too.
Either way, it cant hurt