Please guys, I need honest opinions. This is perhaps what will change my life.

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Anne-Dauphine, Sep 11, 2014.

  1. Hi baes. So as you might know or not, next week my entire life will be decided. God and people I don't know will chose if my power will be used in being an artist or not. There's nothing I want more than this, I know realize it. However, "your will not mine". If I'm not received for next year of Uni, I will stop Art, period.

    That's the part I'd like to ask you about. I'm looking to where I could be the most effective and useful as I thought that Art was my life and the only stuff I was able to do (I know realize it as I always had intense issues with calling myself an artist). I thought of starting Philosophy and Theology studies in Paris, but I would also start to earn a bit of money to ease my debt-paying process. And in the case I do am received in Stage 2 if God willing, then it also applies. Everything is compatible. But I thought of something else. I thought of how much for me this place is the safest place of the entire Internet, and it doesn't means nothing. I thought of how this place saved my soul, perhaps my life. I thought of how my love for writing is growing and blossoming always higher since my buddy Galaxim woke me up about it. I thought of how much I love to help people and see them evolve. I thought of how much God is important for me, how much motivation building is too, and how clearly, absolutely clearly, I know that I WILL NEVER RELAPSE. I am done with pornography and masturbation forever. It isn't like as if it never existed for me; no, forgive not forget. I could talk about it for actual hours. So here the most important question for me:

    Do you honestly think I could become a personal trainer for addiction quitting?

    I'm asking this extremely seriously. What I have in mind is being a free-lancer. I would be paid to motivate you, give you tools, make you evolve as you make me evolve. The same thing that Mark is doing. It would allow me to combine everything I love, everything that matters for me, and for you the fact that you pay me would be perhaps the SACRIFICE required in order to change of life.

    Now, am I worthy of this? Only you can tell. Am I making sense? Do I brush you in the wrong way? Am I too young, do I have quit for not enough time? Would you pay for such a thing? Is a diploma required?

    Of course some of these questions need time to be answered. But if I helped you once, if I let you down once, or if you hate my style and my personality, PLEASE SAY SO. You will do me the greatest favour that ever had been.

    I wish you the best day ever. All answers will be immensely appreciated.
  2. AsSlv

    AsSlv Fapstronaut

    Hi Anne,

    I think the short answer would be: "I don't know"

    But answering honestly your questions:

    Now, am I worthy of this?

    I think you have lots of personal experience and yes you are worthy for sure.

    Am I making sense?

    Mostly. The phrase "I will never relapse" is not true at all. You'll probably relapse if you don't keep up fighting and as a catholic you know very well that you need to be spiritually strong, receive the sacraments, go to confession regularly even having only small sins. Without God's help we cannot avoid the sin, that's a consequence of the original sin. I know this for personal experience. I did PMO (or MO) few times in my life, however after more than one thousand days clean I relapsed once in April and once in July. And I think those relapses were related to my pride of having been clean for 1000 days or more.

    Do I brush you in the wrong way?

    No, but sometimes you use a strong language. I don't bother, but some people may.

    Am I too young, do I have quit for not enough time?

    I don't think age is the main concern here, however being in the early 20s make you less able to deal with people in their late 40s I guess.

    Would you pay for such a thing?

    Sure thing. I think it's worthy paying for this coaching.

    Is a diploma required?

    Maybe. A degree in Psychology won't do harm.
  3. THANK YOU, this is exactly the kind of answer I was looking for. I very obviously 10000% agree about what you say about Catholicism; I didn't talked about it here because I'm willing to help everyone of every faith. If you happen to be Catholic, then great! I'll be able to help you even more because I'm strongly believing that 1000% of my strength comes from God. He's the only reason I have made it up to here yet. Of course."I will never relapse" is just the short, easy way to say everything I have behind. But I could write a book with all I want to say, and I probably will. So for now, I just say that I will never relapse, and I mean it.

    I am aware that the language I use can be excessive. I do it for very specific reasons but it's definitely not an excuse. I am fully willing to adapt to anyone regarding their needs and preferences.

    Ha. Definitely looking forwards some Psychology courses then.

    thank you so much SantosSilvasAndre. I owe you a lot for this!

    If anyone else has something to say, please do!
  4. AsSlv

    AsSlv Fapstronaut

    Writing a book is definitely a good idea.

    Many people, even in my profession, says that masturbation is healthy. You have a say on this, for your experience and for your recovery.

    Writing will expose you a lot, though, and you need to think how it would affect your future husband and kids.
  5. Honestly I'm so distressed about having one day a husband and kids. There is. Nothing. I want more than this. But it seems so far away, so impossible to reach. And anyway, I'd prefer my husband to be a Fapstronaut. And the same goes for my children. I'd like them to know soon how harmful it can be. Because of my experience, because I started at 17, because I was too terrified to even mention the word "period" with my mom. Then, if they cannot resist, at least would I have done my job. My children don't belong to me but to God.

    And for myself, I'm not afraid. I'm so not afraid at all. I feel like I'm protected by my beliefs. Is it dumb? Yeah probably, but it's all I got. Because of the nature of my religion, because of what it teaches me, I'm untouchable. I won't hate nobody for not agreeing what I say. I won't hate nobody for my beliefs or even for myself. Because I believe that the real problem is hate.

    I don't know how to start a book, how to get it published. There's such a flowing hurricane in my mind, so much things I want to say, I end up saying nothing. How many pages? How many words? How and where to get it published? Is it interesting enough to even have a chance to be published? Do I write it in my mother tongue, French, or in English, the language I prefer for writing but I'm less comfortable with? I'm more concerned about these stuff than what to write. I bought for my birthday a book called "Run Fat Bitch Run" and it crushed me because this is Providence that wrote it to me apparently, and also because this is EXACTLY the book I'd like to write. Something mixing personal experience, general health tips and advices, testimonies, and for my book, very specific reboot advices and addiction quitting program. Who would read that?

    I think that the key points I could use are:
    * I'm a girl
    * I started PMO late
    * I was the only user in my family
    * I'm Catholic and believing but wasn't during my PMO time.

    Plus a few other stuff. Jeez, it's so hard to talk about this, because it's like, everything I want to do. I want to write a book but I don't know how to do it.
  6. IGY

    IGY Guest

    There is a world of difference between offering your opinion on a forum and being a personal trainer for quitting addictions. I am not sure if you are asking about this in respect of a variety of addictions or sex addictions specifically or porn and masturbation only. It is not necessary to have formal qualifications to make a claim that you can offer coaching or personal training sessions in some aspect of life. If you have mentoring qualifications, that would give clients some confidence in your abilities.

    I do not always agree with what you write, but that doesn't mean that you are wrong (or that either of us is right). Some may not find advice in a complex area of life such as relationships credible coming from someone so young. Some people on this site clearly like your style, although it does not appeal to me. Verbosity is not a helpful quality for a personal trainer. The ability to actively listen to others is essential and I am not sure you have learnt that. You tend to bluntly tell others what you regard as true, rather than reasoning with them or appealing to them. Your swearing is unacceptable to me, but some will be fine with it. You seem to see things in black and white, which is simplistic and doesn't allow people to find where they fit in. In summary, I would say that you could be an effective personal trainer for quitting addictions for some people.
  7. Thank you very much IGY, I will try while answering you not to sound like I am trying to excuse myself, apologies in advance if I fail!

    Don't forget that I can adapt. I swear because it's the first thing that comes to my mind and because for me regarding myself it's more effective but if I deal with someone with which it isn't the case then perfectly fine. I also agree with the fact that we have totally different styles and approach, most definitely.

    I was talking more specifically PMO quitting because it's all I know. I am very aware of all the issues you state though. And also, I think that it's important not to forget that in this kind of cases, I am not fishing for clients or whatever; only the people interested in my approach will be interested in what I offer. I personally obviously wouldn't trust someone to the point I am paying him if I'm not sure that our approaches and even beliefs are similar.

    You probably are true about my lack of listening but I would have a tendency to think of it as a tool. Just like some people like to be talked harshly in order to move on. Some people DO are black and white (like me), and only them will be interested in what I offer. I have some troubles reasoning and appealing to myself already so I wasn't thinking of starting such a job immediately; I'm just considering all options in case I am not received in my dream studied and wanted to have opinions like yours to know if I wouldn't be absolutely not good at such a job.

    I take your summary as being very positive in my eyes, so thank you very much! And thank you for giving me a honest opinions even though we are so different, it means a lot, and it's helping me to get more mature.

    Ah, in any way I am totally not ready to start some Psychology studies in order to get qualifications so I guess I might just leave it there. Definitely thinking about the book though.
  8. IGY

    IGY Guest

    I think your response is measured and mature and I am pleased you could see that my comments were constructive. You may find this information useful:

    It explains the drawbacks of all or nothing thinking and explains how this defence mechanism can be acquired during childhood and beyond. Many clinical words and phrases are used so you might find the French Wiki page more enlightening. Best wishes: IGY
  9. Ha, thanks! Coming from you, I'm pretty sure it means that it's true X)I have read it; is it somehow similar or linked to bipolarity? I had SO MUCH people asking me if I was bipolar, but I never was diagnosed as such, only depressive, so I'm starting to ask myself a lot of stuff.
  10. IGY

    IGY Guest

    No, there is no link to Bipolar Disorder. Splitting is symptomatic of Borderline Personality Disorder.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 11, 2014
  11. Christ, either I am wayyy more fucked up than what I thought, either I will be if I continue to act as such.

    What I didn't got from the article is how it's cured? Sorry, I don't know much about psychology.
  12. IGY

    IGY Guest

    It says: "Treatment strategies have been developed for individuals and groups based on dialectical behavior therapy, and for couples. There are also self-help books on related topics such as mindfulness and emotional regulation that have been helpful for individuals who struggle with the consequences of splitting."
  13. Sorry there wasn't that part in French, shoulda read the English thing. Well. I think that I don't consider myself as being sick and I like the way I treat emotions for one. Perhaps it will change one day, who knows, but for now it fits me to think in black and white. I mean, as long as I don't hurt anyone, it's ok, right?
  14. IGY

    IGY Guest

    It is absolutely fine. There are some situations when a black and white approach is even beneficial. But in training and guiding people regarding their confused and complicated sexuality, I would think that greater flexibility would be important, even essential. No offence intended :)
  15. No offence felt! You're right, and I am going to work about it, because I believe that it could have some beneficial effects throughout my whole life. And I definitely will wait before engaging in such a thing. It's not something that can be done lightly anyway. Thank you again for your much appreciated input IGY!
  16. persian29

    persian29 Fapstronaut

    nah dont bother with this..nofap is just a part time job..u cant pursue a career in it
  17. Zyzz's Witnesses

    Zyzz's Witnesses Fapstronaut

    Now, am I worthy of this? -

    No, you are a woman helping men.. maybe a personal trainer for other woman.We are just different.

    Do I have quit for not enough time? - Personally my opinion is that a trainer should have at least 5 years PMO free.

    Would you pay for such a thing? - Yes, but not for your service.

    Is a diploma required? - In Psychology maybe.

    /Just an honest opinion, no hate/
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2014
  18. Why would I hate you? I have no reason to do so, you gave me your honest opinion :D I completely understand for you not to be interested in what I propose! That is why I appreciate you to give me your views! I hope you get as many money and bitches than what you thrive for :eek:
  19. Helllll I wasn't asking for that much omfg!! Thank you so deep!!

    I think that the niche target idea is the most important one and your example seem perfect to me. To be perfectly honest the rest is like you were talking Klingon to me.

    I love the idea of a blog, which would allow me to write. Hum. After thinking I think that I'm not ready yet to enter such a thing as I want it to be well done and to be fully committed to it, which requires a lot of time and effort. You offer highly valuable advices and will not forget them, and will try to apply them to anything I'd like to start, even though in the end it is not that. Short communication and management does seems more practical to start as studies than psychology so it's a bit of a relief.

    Don't worry. My issue is that I follow my heart too much. I completely agree with what you say and definitely will take some time to deeply answer these questions - although I think I know the answer and the answer is to be a damn artist and make people think and feel. Tomorrow's supposed to be the big decision. I'm so stressed I'm going to faint.
  20. Yes, because I take it partly as a religious vocation. I thought a lot about if God forbid I'm not taken, so I will come back to Paris and start Philosophy and/or Theology and/or Writing classes. And anyway, if I do become an artist nothing prevents me from actually studying aforementioned stuff. But I'd prefer to be an artist. I prefer to create visuals than to put words together.

    I don't see other ways to become an artist, which is weird as my absolute role-model, who's also an artist, is a complete self-made woman. But she's extremely talented and recognized musically so I believe that it is easier. Besides when you're tall pale-eyed and you make everyone in the room ocean wet, all the more of you've been a model, it helps too.

    The point is, I struggled so hard to know that I want to become an artist, that tomorrow's decision will be the turning point: if I'm received, then I will be an artist. I will start calling myself as such (or at least an artist in becoming) and I will call what I write poetry. Which seemed utterly absurd and nonsensical for now. It's just too arrogant for me. Art is the thing I value the most just under Love and God (which is the same btw). I can't call myself an artist when I look at Botticelli for example. But I believe it's linked to confidence issues that thanks to nofap definitely are evolving.

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