Please help! (Advice)

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by docco, Jan 1, 2019.

  1. docco

    docco Fapstronaut

    Hey guys,

    I'm 26, live in London.

    Only in the past week have I come to terms with my porn addiction. I fully acknowledged it, and then tried to abstain.

    Once I did that, I truly saw how intense and tight a hold it has on me. I made it four days without porn and masturbation before relapsing, I fapped about 3 times in one night, "in for a penny" I thought.

    It makes me anti-social, depressed, unmotivated and shameful.

    It's New Years Day and It's been pretty miserable, I started to think maybe I can't give this up. I reached the bottom of the barrel once again, luckily, usually the only way is up - so I have deleted every single last bit of porn from my hard drive, blocked porn sites on my phone and Mac, unfollowed any girl on social media that could unfocus me.

    I'm really trying - deleting 10 years worth of hoarded pornography was weirdly difficult. It seems I had some strange attachment to it. But letting go already has made me feel lighter and cleaner.

    I need any tips you can give for staying on the right path, what worked for you?

    Happy New Year everyone!

    Luke x
  2. ShotDunyun

    ShotDunyun Fapstronaut

    That was an impressive first step, it took me months to delete my special stash. You are going to find yourself with a lot of time and energy, I always recommend to work out if you are not doing already. Also try to distract yourself with anything but porn or porn substitutes. Take a walk when the urges hit you. Acknowledge that this is a very difficult task and you are going to feel like trash, but keep going. One day it will make sense
    HegHeu, u376 and Criss27 like this.
  3. docco

    docco Fapstronaut

    Thanks man, appreciate that.
    Criss27 likes this.
  4. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    The Lone Ranger likes this.
  5. Hros

    Hros Fapstronaut

    The Lone Ranger likes this.
  6. docco

    docco Fapstronaut

    Thank you all, really useful stuff x
  7. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

    You lost a lot of time and energy doing an activity that only harmed you, I think the fact that you realized that for yourself is a great feat. Feeling terrible just by thinking about it has worked for me so far.
    The Lone Ranger likes this.
  8. Great job for deleting the stuff. You know the feeling you had when you had to choose to let it go? This is exactly what you have to do again and again.

    Now there are things you can do to make this a lot easier. and this has to do with your entire lifestyle.

    First, your clear decision why you are choosing this, and overcoming any objection in your mind why PMO would be okay.

    Once you do this, then you need a total lifestyle revolution. Sleep, food, exercise, company of wise people, meditation and self-development.

    You also need to be okay with feelings of loneliness, depression, self-pity and all other emotions that will visit you in the upcoming days.

    Also, you have to accept that you will fail again and again, but choose to FORGIVE youself, journal and try again.

    If you do the above 4 steps my guess is you will reach your first year without PMO within the next 3 years
    I can overcome and docco like this.
  9. CoolBuddy7

    CoolBuddy7 Fapstronaut

    That's Exactly How I feel Too ! You know, I would recommend you to Workout and Take care of your Body just like @ShotDunyun Recommended. If you have already been working out, Increase the intensity and the amount of Sets you would do for a Workout, and you may also find reading books to be pleasing and Worthy of your Time. Please do note not to replace your PMO time that you had with anything else you might find online, like Watching any new Series, or doing anything else like that ! You must utilise that Time you had for something Noteworthy and to improve your Life ! Maybe spend some time with Nature, or Take a walk, Listen to music, or anything you enjoy doing already ! Do remember to take good Care of your Health because you have already done enough Damage to it !
    Hope it Helps ! Best of Luck for your recovery !
    docco and ShotDunyun like this.
  10. The Lone Ranger

    The Lone Ranger Fapstronaut

    A lot of good answers above! Great to see people truly helping others out by passing on useful info.

    My contribution is: writing down your reasons, your motives for doing this in a really honest way. Once the going gets tuff the take the list in one hand and imagine your dick (excuse my language) in the other hand. Then ask yourself, which one will it be? It’s a trade, you can’t have both. You’re a grown man and are free to choose as you wish.

    This has worked for me two or three times when my addicted brain did everything to lure me back to the P-swamp I recently crawled up from. I now, 130 days away from P, I’m nothing but grateful that I’ve put that crap behind me.

    Best of wishes on your journey towards sobriety!
    docco likes this.
  11. Meditate...
    Offscreen mode....
  12. Meditate...
    Offscreen mode....
  13. Meditate...
    Offscreen mode....
    docco likes this.
  14. docco

    docco Fapstronaut

    This was gold, thank you sir.
    RightEffort likes this.
  15. docco

    docco Fapstronaut


    I love this! I will do it x
  16. diece

    diece Fapstronaut

    The best way I've found to beat PMO is to find a girl.

    So my suggestion would be to go out with the intention of having fun and being open to meeting new people. Chance are, if you do this, you'll find a cool girl in the process.
  17. RememberWhyWeQuit

    RememberWhyWeQuit Fapstronaut

    Some insight on the following topic after battling over six years against this addiction is to never self pity yourself and don't ever have the mindset of binging after relapsing. One of the problems that incurred for me and maybe many others is being too fixated on days without masturbating but, what matters is your mindset and that you keep understanding that porn is toxic and not beneficial to anyone. Don't ever have binge mindset keep yourself pre-occupied, identify triggers, and never normalize porn realize that this is superficial and ruins millions of lives. Best wishes to everyone we can overcome this addiction together!
  18. Hey Luke, a couple thoughts that seemed to have helped me, and I think others...

    First, try to gain motivation by thinking of the life you want free from this addiction. Or, consider the dualistic opposite of how awful it is, and how much better your life would be without it. Reading through the Success Stories forum is always good. I usually do that at least every other day, and it keeps me primed to stay focused on what I want my future to be.

    Next, there's a trick. Well, sort of a key, and I think most experienced people will agree to this: No Peaking. None. Zilch. Nada. Not even once. It all has to go. It took me quite a while to make that realization and truly own it. For me, it meant also ditching some social media platforms like IG and twitter. I also had to come to terms that I was addicted, or at least craved, interacting and getting attention from hot people as a form of validation, but that would also cause me to slip into masturbating to porn substitutes.

    Along with that, don't fantasize either. For the time being, push out all sexual thoughts. It seems impossible or ridiculous, but it is very doable. It just takes persistence. Then with time it terns to habit, then just nature. What i usually do is just take note of the thought, and then discard it. Push it out. I'll sometimes tell myself the word "no" or "void" to blank it out, and the move on.

    To help with this, meditation is extremely beneficial, especially Vipassana meditation. As you do it over time you gain greater awareness of your thoughts, and able to discard and choose what to think. You are not your thoughts, you are not your feelings.

    Along with all this, make goals! Like life goals! huge goals! That helps tremendously. Then when those urges hit, or when you get blue balls (Which happens to all of us) convert that energy to productivity or creativity. It has tremendous power, and once you see that power in action, it self-reinforces your journey.

    Also, keep in mind, this journey is not strictly linear by any means. There are ups and downs, and set backs. Take a growth mindset with this and anything you do, and learn from each new experience so that you can be better and improved moving forward.

    Cheer buddy!
  19. graymatter13

    graymatter13 Fapstronaut

    Yes it is hard for you to delete your stash, because you spent a lot of time and effort creating that
    But we should also acknowledge that its existence detrimental
    and success never comes without sacrifices and pain
    Just know that whatever you feel is normal and part of the process,

    Focus on finding ways to cope with rather than escaping them,
    Cold showers are great! They are amazing urge-killers
    It feels wonderful to do something even though every cell in your body hates it, and feeling of success afterwards is definitely worth it
    Starting with NoFap e-book was also really helpful to understand addiction - once you know how it works, it is easier to control and be aware

    It's a hard and a demanding process, but I'm %100 sure anyone, including you, can do it

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