PLEASE Help, Guys. I Need It.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by TedH3, May 22, 2021.

  1. TedH3

    TedH3 Fapstronaut

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    I just went 3 days without PMO. Last night, I got off twice, once to a cam-sight. I'm going to be 30 this year, I HAVE GOT to overcome this, and I need your help.

    Short background, I got into porn as a coping mechanism at the age of 11. I've been on a PMO rampage since that point. Knowing that this is a real addiction, I really need victory over it. I've tried so many methods through the years, even failing NoFap my first go round about 6 years ago. Since then, I've ended my backsliden journey and Christ has found His way back into my life. Now, I'm becoming a leader in ministry and have an even greater incentive, and reason, to end this, here and now. This topic, especially as it relates to my particulat situation, isn't all that popular in the church (though I'd maintain my position in this topic and its need to be a mainline conversation), and I know that success and victory happens here. Please guys, I'm aware of the calling on my life, and I don't want to live in the shadows regarding this particular obstacle anymore. I NEED HELP! Literally begging for it. Please help.

    P.S. I read some of the posts from newcomers like myself, and realized some of the struggles I have being quite similar. HOCD is a new term that I've come across today, and I know that is a struggle for me as well. Suicidal tendencies, lack of concentration, no motivation, slowly regressing inward (especially during times that I feel the need to PMO).

    Thank you guys for being so open, as your openness is not only a teaching tool, I'm realizing how relatable we can be during this journey.
     
  2. TedH3

    TedH3 Fapstronaut

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    Also, I should have asked, how do I officially get started here? What should I be doing?
     
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  3. TheIntelligent

    TheIntelligent Fapstronaut

    Nobody have the magic solutions of life so you will have to start since now solutions of long-term and follow it:

    1. Inform yourself about the basics, some videos on YouTube or the eBooks Getting Started with NoFap and Your Brain on Porn are enough.
    2. Install blockers on all your devices to prevent you from watching porn accidentally and proposedly.
    3. Start creating good habits for your own life and deleting bad habits. Good habits: exercise the body, study, read, meditate, pray, have a good diet, watch documentaries, work daily on a project (a second language or entrepreneur stuff). Bad habits: have a bad diet, watch a lot of series or movies and no useful content, spending a lot of time on social media, spending a lot of time on secondary things instead of the priorities, etc...
    4. Take action, don't stop, start interacting here and always keep your hope, relapses are common but fight them with your best!
    That's it, no magic solutions but all of these really work!
     
  4. Valkus90

    Valkus90 Fapstronaut

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    Don't ever be too hard on yourself, no pun intended. I'm going through pretty much what you've gone through, and I'm on day two. The only way you'll make it tough on yourself is when you don't listen to the voice telling you not to do it.

    I was super into virtual sims like IMVU/Secondlife because it was easy to just get on there and do that mcnasty ERP. Thing is, that is putting thoughts in your head that are pretty much unrealistic. I'm on day 2 so don't think I'm some kind of pro but its becoming easier as days go by, and when you think of something sexual, remind yourself that women aren't represented from those thoughts. Pornstars are definitely not a representation of what a woman is. You have to get that bullshit out of your head because thats the first step to get on an easy road of not relapsing.

    I go to the gym which helps me feel REALLY good about myself and push myself to work harder, its obviously a life style change but its all about willpower. I'm a big nerd boi, so I always remind myself that I got that high willpower stat. Plus the gym has a lot of beautiful ladies thats for sure, but when I'm there I literally look past all of that. I know some of them are there because they like the attention, and the others are there just like everyone else, trying to better their body. Its all about perception, once you get that out of your system, you'll have a much more healthier mind set.
     
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  5. TedH3

    TedH3 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks guys. I could use as many accountability partners as possible, making sure I remain with good habits and away from PMO.

    Just curious, does the aspect of challenges help you guys at all, or do you feel that it's better to just stop?
     
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  6. Valkus90

    Valkus90 Fapstronaut

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    More or less, the last 2-3 times I fapped, right after I just felt depressed for like 10-15 minutes.

    For the past year for anything I want to do, I set a goal and write it down on my white board. I've been sober from weed for 24 days, took my vitamins 2 weeks in a row, almost finished my resume and so on.

    It helps me a lot since I was a kid I never really didn't stay on track with my goals, I'd do it for like a week then just either quit what I was doing or be inconsistent with it. When you admit you have a problem, its always good to write it down somewhere to remind yourself what you're working hard for.
     
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  7. TedH3

    TedH3 Fapstronaut

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    That's good stuff. I've got my calendar board that I've been using this year to achieve my second half marathon. I'm like that as well, committing to goals has always been an issue with me. I aim to end that cycle this year as well. Thanks for that.
     
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  8. DeeJ4y

    DeeJ4y Fapstronaut

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    Occupy yourself with new things like exercise, meditation, stretching, going for walks, cold showers, reading a book, building something etc. Start small though since you do not want to exhaust yourself. As you continue on nofap you will get more energy to do more stuff. Being bored or feeling bad has caused me relapses in the past. Find you triggers - journaling helps - something that you can do here. As people before me said - learn the basics through youtube videos etc - or read a book called your brain on porn. It is in audible for free trial if you have not used it. I will also link another book that is made for people who are quitting smoking that has been converted to quitting P*rn. I was shared this and I hope to spread the message. Forgive yourself from the mistakes you have made or as for forgiveness for them. God bless you!
     

    Attached Files:

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  9. DeeJ4y

    DeeJ4y Fapstronaut

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    Also writing the positives of quitting P*rn use and the negatives of continuing p*rn use and reading them often helps. To remember why one started in the first place is important since your brain will do everything in its power to manipulate you into using again.
     
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  10. Chefb87

    Chefb87 Fapstronaut

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    First off it's a huge step forward that you are aware you're using it as a coping mechanism. That's huge!

    I would google "three circles addiction " and make your own. This will define what you consider healthy behaviors , risky behaviors that will bring you to relapse , and anything you consider a relapse . I found actually defining and writing down. Your rules will help you not be able to justify or somehow in your head decide it's ok..
    Look into any 12 step groups. SAA, SA, SLA.
    I've been going to SAA for 2 plus years at least once a week the entire time. Gainer a sponsor and started working on the 12 steps using the book. " A gentle path through the 12 steps "
    Read read read read read any and all books you can get your hands on. For me I first started if with books about sex and porn addiction , then books on how it effects others, then self esteem books , books about fear , confidence , inner child , outer child , children of alcoholics, family trauma , growing up in disfunctional families.. become curious about why you are the way you are.
     
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  11. Another fellow Christian, hello!
    It's always easier for me to talk with people having faith, especially one I can relate to. Also, I think that all of the tips above are ways you can choose to defeat this addiction. If you want, you can write to me as well. I'm a bit more experienced, practically free, actually, although the battle never ends.

    My rule that I give everyone: make this realisation - "from this very moment and on you'll never PMO again in your entire life."
    It's a scary thought at the beginning of the journey, I know it myself, but it's a golden rule as well - the realisation of that truth.

    God bless, mate!
     
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  12. Chefb87

    Chefb87 Fapstronaut

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    I've done this as well and it's really helped.. I sat down and write a goodbye letter to watching porn other sexual behaviours. I found that it really helped !
     
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  13. TedH3

    TedH3 Fapstronaut

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    Hey, thanks for that. I'll give it a read and tell you what I think of it. I'll most likely have questions, espcially if it impacted you positively.
     
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  14. modern milarepa

    modern milarepa Fapstronaut

    Hi, welcome

    Try to do something physical everyday it's more easy to control the body than the mind. A healthy body is the prelude to a healthy mind.

    Also sports release healthy amounts of dopamine and you feel less need to PMO
     
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  15. TedH3

    TedH3 Fapstronaut

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    You're definitely right! I just began a 14 week training cycle that ends with a hardcore Navy SEALS bootcamp style training regimen. I'm hoping this will be an aid to my motivation to not PMO.
     
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