Please Help - Horrible Porn-Induced Lies

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Optimum Fortitude, Nov 10, 2019 at 5:22 PM.

  1. Optimum Fortitude

    Optimum Fortitude Fapstronaut

    Hi guys,

    I know a girl who has a borderline personality. She has a really sad family history and has no friends.

    When I was deep into my P addiction, she would always text me and I didn't what to do to push her off in a nice way. One day, I started telling her crazy invented pornographic stories about myself.

    Initially, I wanted her to be disgusted by me. But she was just listening and asking more questions, believing everything I was telling her.

    I knew she had a psychological issue, but because I was only texting her (knew her IRL from past), I didn't realize how horrible I was toying with her. I told her all sorts of crazy pornographic stories, making her believe my porn-induced fantasies had actuallt happened to me. And she believed it all.

    I feel so terrible and guilty because I know she is psychologically vulnerable.

    One day I met that girl again IRL because I knew it was my only way to have closure and stop my deviant behavior. I had to face her IRL to realize my actions were impacting a real person's life.

    I never told her that a lot of things she believes on my sexual life are completely fake. But I still feel so horrible. She is a vunerable person because of her borderline personality. So I don't know if telling the truth won't make her snap or something. Or if she forgives me, I don't even know how she could. I just wish she would act normal and say I'm crazy and not want to talk to me ever again. But I know she will forgive me because I'm the only friend she has in her life.

    On top of that, I had sex with her twice. And I just don't know how to create distance between her and I. The situation makes me feel absolutely horrible. I feel like I have to protect her because she is vuneralble. And at the same time I feel like my lies are unacceptable. I

    They were a porn induced. I quit P 90 days ago. I'm starting to realize how completely deviant my behavior was.

    Please help
     
    Wugazi32 and dankestmemes like this.
  2. TheLightOne

    TheLightOne Fapstronaut

    69
    31
    18
    Its pretty fucked up but ppl do worse things ;)
     
  3. dankestmemes

    dankestmemes Fapstronaut

    Ironically, this is exactly how to pick up most women.
     
    Wugazi32 likes this.
  4. Optimum Fortitude

    Optimum Fortitude Fapstronaut

    What would you do though? Tell the truth? I am having a hard time dealing with the guilt.
     
  5. dankestmemes

    dankestmemes Fapstronaut

    You better because when the truth comes out, and it's not from you, YOU will look like the asshole. Certain things like history of past abuse, especially as a child are okay to keep IMO. When we got married, I told my wife about the time I was in kindergarten and two girls in first grade made me touch them under their bathing suits. I didn't know it was REALLY bad at the time, but I knew it was supposed to "be a secret." But if I kept it a secret from my wife, no big deal. It was so long ago and the people involved are away somewhere. I've forgiven them. Determining whether or not something will be harmful and the repercussions it will have takes wisdom. And if we were wise people, we wouldn't be posting here.
    Is she a stable person? Will this collapse her whole worldview if you reveal yourself? It's possible she may forgive you or even have surprises of her own for YOU!
     
    Optimum Fortitude likes this.
  6. Hesychast

    Hesychast Fapstronaut

    23
    48
    13
    People living with BPD are full of surprises. It's not great to typecast people based on a PD but I've had extensive experience dating girls with the condition. Invariably, they have many secrets of their own which they do not communicate, as a consequence of the intense fear of abandonment they feel.

    I don't think there's anything to lose by being honest really... There's every chance you might end up finding some things out which will knock you for six eventually. I wouldn't worry so much about protecting her, more about why you feel the need to protect her. Honestly, she'll have her own methods of coping and very likely, more social contact than you're aware of. One thing that has occurred time and time again in my borderline relationships has been dishonesty about who she was seeking validation from.

    I hate to say it, but there's a very strong tendency for people living with BPD to unintentionally be incredibly manipulative. It has to do with the core lack of 'sense of self' and intensely polarised view of people (black and white thinking/splitting.)
    Have you read much about the condition? It's something you need to gently ease yourself into but it might help you realise over time that your own issues (ie, being dishonest about your sexual experiences,) are yours to work through, and hers are her own.
     
  7. dankestmemes

    dankestmemes Fapstronaut

    I see this a lot with girlfriends or spouses of criminals. They always pick up the phone when these scumbags are locked up. Because they're afraid of being abandoned and the only love ever shown them was by these scumbags. They're the ones who bring in all the contraband during visits.
     
    Optimum Fortitude likes this.

Share This Page