Please help me today

pantuflasdecoco

pantuflasdecoco

Fapstronaut
I have no friends
Also no girlfriend, no job, not really a career that I know I will conclude (I am currently doing 2 careers and I want to drop off both) I am 21 y/o male from Argentina, just yesterday was my birthday and the most depressing birthday to this day.

See, I don't want to be perfect,
I don't want to have an amazing body,
I think I'm not even interested in eating healthy food, being healthy
I don't know what the fuck I want
I just want friends
My problem is that I don't know how to talk,
My problem is that Im not interested in anything,
at the same time, I've been having little interests for years (I played piano, guitar, draw, leart English, French, Japanese really commitmed, I voluntereed for picking up garbage and trash in forest and beaches, I attented traditional animation classes, etc.)

But all the time I feel Im not really into anything, I don't have my soul into anything

I dont want to live anymore, I think of suicide all the fucking time
Noone wants to have me as friend

My problem is that I expect too much for a friendship
I guess I kind of romantized / ideolized what is a friend all this time
I guess I concluded that either is my soulmate or it's not a friend at all

I see the negative in every person, in every one I find something to feel angry towards them.
I am angry all the time
Last week I felt I lost my "soulmate", it was a girl I didn't even seen her in real life, just chatted with her for 2 years and a half. Sounds like bullshit said like that but I've never felt anything towards anyone like I felt for her, I feel like all my life I was searching for someone and it was her. Now this year she got a boyfriend and she started changing the way we were talking, she got more distant every time. Last week we just talked about it and she said that the way we talkled all this time is now gone. Maybe I made myself extremly emotionally dependent on her. Again, sounds like bullshit all this, I can't even myself believe it, someone I don't even know in real life, but it happened, and destroyed me. Without her I have the strongest feel of being alone like I never had before.

I feel that I don't want anything with anyone except her
That I don't want any kind of relationship if it's not that extremlly close relationship-like I had with her.

I feel lost

Angry all the time, depressed,
alone like never before. Really alone

Incapable of talking
My problem is that, talking, feeling, being alive
I stay at home all day everyday, in front of a screen all day

I don't want to have a perfect life
I start to think that I actually like being a little messy

I dont have anyone to talk about this, I don't even like saying all this in English, have to translate everything in mny head, I wish I could find a forum like this in Spanish that It's not just 2 users.

I find something bad in everybody, so maybe I even won't reply the comments. Maybe I will be angry about them, I feel like everybody have to be kind to me. Maybe I'm extremlly sensitive, really speaking.

I JUST WANT TO LIVE, TO LIVE THE REAL WORLD, TO KNOW HOW TO TALK, TO LIVE SOMETHING REAL, TO BEING ABLE TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING AND FEEL CALM,
 
Hello,

I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling. Rebooting has its ups and downs, just like life. We see many people experiencing both the ups and downs during the reboot, and though it may be hard to see now, these feelings you are having won’t last forever. It will get better with time, if you are patient and wait.

In the meantime, please seek professional help. I know the idea of calling a helpline might terrify you, but in times of crisis, we often need someone their to put our lives in perspective. So please contact someone who can help and don’t hang up on them. The International Association for Suicide Prevention maintains a list of suicide prevention hotlines for countries all over the world. Also, if you don’t feel up to actually talking to someone on the phone, unsuicide maintains a list of online Instant Messaging and chat suicide prevention resources.

You are not alone in this. There are ways to treat depression. Please contact people that can help you. Being depressed often makes it feel like you don’t have any more options. But that is a lie. That is just the depression talking. These feeling you have won’t last forever. We are in this with you, and we will all be cheering for you to get through this!
 
Hello, @pantuflasdecoco. I can understand some of what you’re feeling about not being interested in anything. I agree I agree with @rostronaut that it is time to seek professional help. Especially because you are feeling suicidal. But even beyond that, the feelings of disinterest in everything in life sounds like clinical depression to me. I speak from experience. I have had it for over 25 years. Mine is permanent, and I have to take medication for it. Maybe yours isn’t and you only need some medication and counseling for a short time. But please, reach out to a professional. There is hope and you do not have to feel like this, my friend! You are worthy of happiness and joy and a good life! Please do this for yourself! And please let us know how you’re doing.
 
Hola @pantuflasdecoco,

Llevo ya más de un año que encontré este sitio y desde entonces he estado tratando de vencer mi adicción al "sexting" con desconocidos... pero no había creado una cuenta. Hoy vi tu publicación y decidí hacerlo.

Quiero decirte que NO eres el único con problemas como los que has descrito, me pongo a mi mismo de ejemplo.

A mis 24 años, soy un virgen que nunca ha tenido novia. ¡Qué va! ni siquiera he tenido mi primer beso. Tampoco tengo lo que se dice AMIGOS. He tenido "amistades" muy breves, relaciones en las que realmente he creído y tenido fé, pero, ¿qué crees? siempre me han cambiado por otros "amigos" o simplemente se han "aburrido de mi". He experimentado el mismo tipo de ansiedad que tú, en el que me he sentido demasiado sensible respecto a diversas cosas, he tenido paranoias que podrían ser catalogadas como ridículas y emociones semejantes.

Respecto a lo profesional pues... estoy trabajando en ello. Decidí estudiar una carrera que no corresponde a mi pasión pensando en la "seguridad económica". Casualmente hoy la terminé, pero no me siento competente ni creo tener futuro en ella. ¡Tragedia!

Aun así, he decidido que soy una persona valiosa que merece lo más bello del mundo. He elegido amarme como nadie más lo va a hacer en la vida. No es fácil, claro que no, es un trabajo de todos los días, pero vale la pena esforzarse en ello, SIEMPRE.

Sugiero que sigas los consejos de los otros usuarios que escribieron antes de mi, y, si así lo deseas, también te extiendo la mano si alguna vez deseas hablar con alguien sobre lo que sea.

Te escribo en español porque mencionaste que eres argentino y que tienes cierta frustración en no encontrar otros hispanohablantes en el sitio.

Quisiera poder decirte más cosas con las que tuviera la certeza de poder ayudarte, pero nunca he sido bueno para escribir.

Un abrazo fuerte desde México. NO ESTÁS SOLO.


P.d:. Si a alguien le molesta que escriba en español, pues que se j*da (I speak english too anyways).
 
@rostronaut Thank you for the instant messaging chats list, I wasn't aware there was such thing. Maybe I will use it.

The thing is that I don't like professional help, or I don't want to seek it. Maybe I should, it's just that I just don't want to talk with someone who is there because it's their job o because they get paid for it. I know it might be a stupid position, but I don't feel like seeking them.

@P-Free Thank you for your comment. Sorry if this sounds disrespectful, but is medication really necessary for depression? Maybe it depends on the level, I've heard It's not worthy because of side effects, i'm very skeptical about it...
 
pantuflasdecoco said:
@rostronaut Thank you for the instant messaging chats list, I wasn't aware there was such thing. Maybe I will use it.

The thing is that I don't like professional help, or I don't want to seek it. Maybe I should, it's just that I just don't want to talk with someone who is there because it's their job o because they get paid for it. I know it might be a stupid position, but I don't feel like seeking them.

@P-Free Thank you for your comment. Sorry if this sounds disrespectful, but is medication really necessary for depression? Maybe it depends on the level, I've heard It's not worthy because of side effects, i'm very skeptical about it...
Click to expand...

No disrespect taken. Certain drugs do have certain side effects. Fortunately, the one that I’m on doesn’t. It all depends on the level of the person’s depression. Mine is serious enough that I cannot function without the medication. Again, no disrespect taken. You will find the path that is right for you. Until then, the best of luck be with you!
 
That was the most poetic opening post I've ever read on this site. I'm sorry for your feelings of distress and loneliness, but you have a natural gift of expressing yourself. First of all, let's rule out anything suicidal. Life is a challenge. We can go in this direction, that direction, with every moment. Also, every experience is our only true teacher. Waves of duality will always be with us: joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain, feelings of belonging and feelings of rejection or isolation. I try to practice detachment and evenmindedness to the constant waves of change as if I'm deep in the calm ocean and observing the surface waves without it destroying my peace. ---- Are you into astrology? Perhaps you should check your transits and see a bigger picture. astrodienst.com is excellent and it's free. Anyway, you're still very young and there's a rich, long life ahead of you if you commit yourself to that actualization.
 
Hey kardeşim ben Türk'üm ve İngilizce'm o kadar iyi değil. Çeviriden İngilizce ye çevirirsin artık.
ilk olarak nofap açısından böyle şeyler yani iniş ve kalkışlar normaldir, benimde zararsızlıktan kaçınırız veya kendime zarar verme gibi düşüncelerim (çok önceden-en az 2 yıl) ama kendime zarar vermedim veya bu düşünceleri kafamdan atmaya çalıştım. Neden mi? Çünkü onun gün yaşamak için bir sebep buldum, onu dışarıdaki ağaçlara bak, güzel derin maviliğine bak, böceklere-kuşlara kısacası etrafındaki güzelliklere bak. Depresyon da yine bunun için birisini araman gerekir. Güçlü ol. Beyin ve güzel şeyler düşünürsen beynin psikokimyasal olarak "ENDORFİN" denilen salgı salgılanır ve bu senin hayatını olumlu etkileyebilirim. Ama kahvaltı ki mutsuz isen ve kendini gittikçe bilerek dibe doğru çekiyorsan "STRES" hormonu salgılanmaya başlar ve halsizlik, 0 moral ve bunun gibi kötü şeyler görülür. Cevap sende dostum. Cevap iki kularodu arasında. Güçlü ve uygun seçeceksin yoksa zayıf ve aciz birisi olacak mı? Ve çok unutma ki senden çok daha diplerde yaşayan insanlar var birde onların yerinde olmak istemezsin.
 
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