Please help me understand- HOCD or my new reality?

Hi- I am a long time lurker, first time poster; but feel I need to ask... Did people's HOCD improve after dropping porn and doing NoFap? I'm a 25 year old male, and I recently gave up porn after first watching it when I was about 12. Near the end, I guess I watched it every day and became a little dependent. My tastes gradually changed from lesbian/vanilla sex to occasional bi-sexual stuff (with the women in the picture), transgender and strap on etc as well as the vanilla stuff.

I've always struggled against the 'accusations' of being gay. I've been a dancer for just over 20 years, and so would deal with a lot of people calling me gay. I was once called gay by a gay 'friend' who was certain that, being gay himself, he had a very good 'gaydar' and that I was just in the closet. For many years, I just told myself 'yeah so what if I am', and didn't really understand what it meant. Throughout that time, though, I dated a number of women and had a couple of one night stands. I'm currently in the middle of a long term, long distance relationship with a girlfriend (formerly a FWB, now a girlfriend; I've known her for about 3 years).

Perhaps about a year ago, I woke up with the clear 'What if you're gay?' question in my mind, and it's fair to say it's been dogging me since. It was before I gave up on porn, and to be honest I didn't think porn was the issue... plus for some reason the question didn't bug me much before I stopped the porn. I guess I didn't really know what it meant, or cared about if I was since I never found men attractive when out and about.

I attempted to stop porn about 6-8 months ago (latest streak has been 24 days), partially because I grew bored of it, but also because it was affecting my relationship with the girlfriend. For some reason, I'd been finding sex less and less appealing, and I felt my girlfriend's body should have more value than the hundreds of naked women I saw on the internet.

One massive thing I've found, though, is that I have flatlined hard, and my HOCD (I think it's HOCD) is in overdrive. I constantly check for attractive women when I'm out and about, and panic that I might be gay when nothing happens inside. I'm also aware that I'm looking at men more, just to see if I'm attracted to them. It's led me into thinking that my 12 years of straight(ish) porn was a 'lie' and that I might have been gay all along.

I think about this CONSTANTLY, to the point where I think about little else. I get anxious in public, and I feel a deep stomach fear when I think about it. I don't get erections at the moment, but when I try to masturbate it is women that I think about it.

So my question is... does my story above suggest that I have is HOCD or is it perhaps homosexuality? Throughout all of this, there's no third party (no cor-blimey sort of guys), and when I truly think about it I just don't see myself with a man at all- but I just cannot stop thinking that I might be gay, or that I am already and just need to live with it.

I just don't remember having any particular desire for men in the past. While I was always socially awkward and not very good at getting dates, it would be the girls I was interested in.