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Please help me with a plan

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by anewversion, Apr 21, 2019.

  1. Apr 21, 2019 #1
    anewversion

    anewversion Fapstronaut

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    I've been failing at Nofap for over two years now.

    My longest streak was 9 days but I have recently managed 14 days.

    I only managed this due to the pain I felt losing the girl I have been seeing for the last two years. She basically said amongst other things I wasn't sexual enough. Why?

    Well during that time I have been a complete PMO addict. I've been an addict since the age of about 16 and I'm 37 now. The only reason why I recently relapsed is because after 14 days I physically felt like I couldn't hold on any more.

    The complicating factor is the fact I have fetishes that I had well before porn. Since I was around 8. So really I get my hits of dopamine every day in every day life with out the use of porn.

    Since Thursday 18th I have relapsed hard. In the 14 days on Nofap there where some good days and some normal days. Some days I felt more happy and funny. Others pretty much the same.

    I feel like I lost my gf because of porn. I must stop doing this.

    I need you to tell me what a realistic plan looks like to stay clean.

    Do I go for a two week challenge and allow my self MO with no porn every two weeks?

    Do I aim for 30 days. Should I aim for 90.

    But what's the long ball game. What's the plan here?

    At the moment I have a massive void inside of me due to my gf leaving me. I really need to meet new girls to soothe this pain but I am also relapsing all the time.

    I know a lot of you will say leave the dating thing during your reboot. But I am an introverted person. I very easily go in to full hermit mode which will only lead to more PMO and depression. Me getting out there and dating girls is the OPPOSITE. So for me this is immensely helpful.

    But what's my realistic plan?
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2019
    anewversion, Apr 21, 2019
    anewversion, Apr 21, 2019
    #1
  2. Apr 21, 2019 #2
    Tao Jones

    Tao Jones Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    4,004
    15,847
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    My Journal
    Breaking addiction happens one day at a time. When that is too much, we do it one thought and one decision at a time.

    P is the drug. We take it with our eyes. Absolutely no P is the answer. MO associates P with a pleasure reward, making it much harder to quit. MO must be dissociated from P. At first, aiming for no P and keeping MO as limited as possible has been an effective strategy for many. But MO will lead back to P eventually, so both must be eliminated completely in time.

    How to remove access to P? Radical lifestyle change will be required. You cannot do this alone. 12-step group might be helpful. APs on NoFap can be helpful. Accountability software and/or web filters/blockers can be helpful. You must be ready to commit to whatever it takes. Quitting this will be the hardest thing in your entire life.

    This is a great community. Lean on it heavily. Let us know how we can support and encourage you along the way.
     
    Tao Jones, Apr 21, 2019
    Tao Jones, Apr 21, 2019
    #2
    Deleted Account, Wario32 and Anonymous86 like this.
  3. Apr 22, 2019 #3
    Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

    1,955
    3,836
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    Exchanging bad habit for a good one is the easiest path to recovery. I exchanged PMO for vigorous daily exercise, plus made some other life changes (enough daily sun exposure, daily Omega 3 intake, trying to get 8 hours of sleep, not to get locked in negative thinking, forcing myself to be more social, writing daily journal). Setting new goals and achieving them takes your mind away from porn which makes PMO abstention easier. I'd also recommend 3 months of "monk mode" to reset your brain chemistry to full extend then you can return to having sex and/or controlled MO.

    My journal where you can see steps I've taken -> https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/hopeless-case-searching-for-hope.187822/
     
    Fenix Rising, Apr 22, 2019
    Fenix Rising, Apr 22, 2019
    #3

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