Please help me

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by mido9798, Sep 18, 2019.

  1. mido9798

    mido9798 New Fapstronaut

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    As I sit here at 3:17 AM in the morning, having just finished fapping for the 7th time today.. I feel trapped. I feel so trapped in this damn fap zone that I can't pull myself out no matter what I do. It's become my way of life. I've been fapping ever since I was 12 years old, although back then it was maybe one time a week. Over the past 10 years, my bane has grown bigger and bigger, and now it looms over me, spelling out my demise. I'm 22 years old, a virgin, I cut off all the friends that gave a shit about me, I'm failing college for the 3rd time in a row, I'm completely out of shape, and I have crippling social anxiety every which way I turn. The longest I've ever gone without fapping is a week and that was a year ago, and it was the best god damn week of my life. But now, I'm doing it 6-7 times a day and no matter how hard I try, I can't get past the 2 day mark.. I don't know what to do anymore, I just feel like giving up and going to live out on the streets so my parents can't watch me fail for the 3rd time in a fucking row. Someone please tell me what I have to do to get out of this fapping haze my mind is in, I've never wanted anything so much in my entire life up until this moment. I just want to feel again, not be numb. Please guys, you're all I have left, what does a fuck up like me do to save myself?
     
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  2. Indurian

    Indurian Fapstronaut

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    Sorry to hear what you're going through. There's lots that can be done so try to stay positive my friend. Educate yourself as much as possible about the harms of porn use. I can't emphasis that enough. Read books about it, watch YT videos etc

    What do you plan on doing to change your life?
     
  3. Mr.Chips

    Mr.Chips Fapstronaut

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    Sorry for what you are facing man! it seems hard to face all this mess together, don't give up, start solving things step by step. Set a deep plan to cope with the hardships and keep moving slowly. Don't be hard on yourself, 6-7 PMO is too much, start with reducing it; Like set blockers, avoid the triggering materials as well as triggering places & moments. If you can't stop for a day then at least work on one M a day, take it once day at a time. Also seek an Accountability partner, and Keep reading Rebooting materials (Contents help you to understand this addiction and tips to stop it), it is like a fuel to stop. Do journaling (it is really useful).
    About college, try to find different strategies to study, whether with a friend, Internet.

    Don't stress yourself, Avoid the reasons that give you depression by finding a solution to cope with them (plan or a strategy), because depression maybe a reason to push you to PMO. Change your whole lifestyle and have a healthy routine.
    Don't give up, things can always change, good luck :)
     
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  4. Consencus

    Consencus Fapstronaut

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    Brotha I'm so sorry to hear about this. We are all facing problems in our lives but we all have to find a way to deal with them. You need to distract yourself! Trust me, find a hobby. Go to the gym and start working out it'll benefit you in so many ways and for sure it'll keep your mind off masturbating. Masturbating 7 times a day is not healthy at all brotha and I urge you to take actions immediately because it will affect you in the long run. Trust me I've been masturbating since I was 14 and now I'm currently 18 and It affected me big time. You don't want this problem taking over your life. Remember YOU are in charge of your life, not your friends, not your family and not even your brain. RESIST the urges and block out any sexual behaviour you feel doing to yourself.

    As for college brotha I'm sorry to hear. But just because it takes you longer to graduate college doesn't mean you're dumb or a failure. I was held back a semester in high school because I was not motivated at all to go attend my classes. All my friends graduated without me and I felt like pure shit. You have to have a talk with yourself and set your priorities straight brotha you can't be consumed by failure.

    I know its hard brotha but we are all here to help and support you on this journey. If you ever need some help or advice don't feel afraid to DM me or anyone. Cheers.
     
  5. dtdrpepperguy

    dtdrpepperguy New Fapstronaut

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    I'm sorry to hear what you're going through man, but the one thing you have to remember always, is that you're not alone. Everyone on these forums is dealing with the same struggles you are, and we know the pain you're dealing with.

    I just about 6 weeks ago now confessed my porn addiction to my girlfriend of almost 3 years. It started as early as age 7 for me, and has gripped me until now at age 22. Watching the expression in her face unfold as I told her the truth was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. I just wanted to die right then and there because of the extreme guilt of betraying her. I would rather have been beaten to a bloody pulp and left in a ditch to die than to have to confess something like that to her. I betrayed her trust, humiliated her, worse than anything else, having to confess that likely made her think I dont love her. It's as bad as cheating. I love her so so much, more than anything else in the world, and the pain she and I went through that day will likely never be matched for the rest of our lives, and it was entirely my fault.

    By everything that is right in the world, she should have left me. She deserves so much better than me. She deserves someone who would never have betrayed her trust like that, someone who can be the man that I can't. But against all odds, she chose not to leave me. She told me she loves me and wants to help me beat the addiction because she can see just how much damage it's done to me.

    I thank Jesus every day for giving me a woman as incredible as her, and her choice to stay with me gave me the motivation needed to best this addiction for good. Now, that's not to say I haven't backslidden into temptation since then, but the more I resist the urge, the stronger I get and the easier it becomes to resist.

    I know my situation isnt the same as yours, but I just thought maybe if you read my story, it would show you that you're not lost. Theres hope for everyone to beat PMO, no matter how suffocated you feel by the addiction. It's only been 6 weeks for me so the temptation is still incredibly strong, but I can already see and feel the results of removing PMO from my life.

    Dont feel hopeless. You're not hopeless. If there was hope for me, theres hope for anyone. I am the worst all, and even I can see the sliver of light at the end of the thousand mile tunnel.
     
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  6. I’m so groovy

    I’m so groovy Fapstronaut

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    There’s no way someone like you can go cold turkey! 7times in a day!? Unless by Gods grace! so I suggest you start by giving yourself a calendar! So tell urself ur going to fap say once every 9days! The reason why I said nine days is because that’s just about enough time for you to feel alive especially when ur an addict! And when u start feeling good about yourself or think a bit straight again, you can ask yourself do I want to go back to feeling shitty or do I want to keep feeling this good and even better in the near future??, no here’s the catch, even if you answer that question with a NO, you can fap but try doing it to something less weird, I don’t know what ur into right now as concerning porn but trying going lower in terms of what you watch so say u have a foot fetish or something , try watching just regular porn with a guy and a girl and then fap to that. 2 things could happen in this scenario! You either get so bored of it that you decide it’s no good and then you stop OR you actually do get off to it! Which ever happens is a good start but make sure u try and stick to the calendar of once every 9/10 days! The reason why I say this too is also because there’s something about the brain that’s amazing! If it’s craving say good for example and you tell yourself okay there’s no food right here, right now at the moment and that you would eat later that night, the brain finds a way to subsidize that hunger and you find that u don’t feel as hungry anymore! Same with P if you say” not now I’d attend to that on my one day(whichever day you pick it to be) the urges would pop up but your brain goes “well at least I’m gonna get fed that dopamine on this day so let me cool off till then” it would get to a point that because doing it just once in 10days is so minimal you decide you could actually do without it! That’s we’re quitting begins I think!
     
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  7. 12&6

    12&6 Fapstronaut

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    Rome wasnt built in a day brother. It was built brick by brick- an hell-they invented cement,so some things youll learn and mod along the way. You are not now nor will you ever be a failure. One day ata time. Let those days grow into weeks,months and years as they will. Focus on you first. Your journey is tailored to YOU by YOU. Start like they referenced- give yourself leeway. Your brain is hooked on a rush and intensity that was designed to create life! Its addicting for a reason. Dont beat yourself up. Honestly-in the grand design or evolution of man did you ever think..."hey,this bustin loads is amazing" no kidding..question is why? Thats how we spawn,spread the love,seed the row,whatever you wanna say but nature,universe aliens God,whatever you dig sure did play a joke on man making that his carrot and stick. Start slowly...back away from the weapon lol...used properly itll give you and your girl or your partner the O..and it communicates that affectivly on her end by design and feel and quite possibly the look on her face and a pulse. Learn what power you were born with.

    When I was younger I hit a rock bottom moment. All types of trouble. I sought refuge in a place I had never gone before and one that was at times intimidating.
    The gym.
    I found some of the best positive minded people in the world there. True people. Not judgemental. I learned things I never thought Id like, changed my physical self,then my mind,then diet...it all changed. It became a temple for me.They didnt care about looks,there were the gym rats but still they realized the battle,the struggle is in your MIND. Working out isnt as much a physical thing as a mental. I then started in on my diet. I love learning things so I grasped it. Over 25 yrs later. Im still there. Its my therapy. Make a plan,get some tunes and put one foot infront of the other because your going to kick some a** there and that can become addicting. Become active instantly.
    Second- education is important but health vital. Im not telling you to tell college to f**k off but I am saying maybe one semester. College has temptations. Im not there anymore but wtf..I see college women nowadays and I feel square....(and then I thank the world for creating and having women) Focus on short term goals first. PMO is a long term beast of a bit. One day at a time. Calendar so you physically see it. Start then next by getting active. Your brain needs a new neuro pathway to relate to the urge. Gym that sh*t. Music it, write it...whatever...but replace it. Get out of your area you relate it to if possible. Be social,write..create w/that energy!! Hike do something an anything.
    Lastly,when you become aware of this energy,you dance w/it. At least for me it was as if I could feel new nerve endings. Very drug like. Then youll learn to harness it. Its like a rodeo...a lot of power for one man...then youll gain mastery of it...most that Id imagine is their own personal comfort level of timing.
    When that happens think about directing that energy to one. Imagine that and then you have the answer as to why life made the O so addicting. Its in us all fora reason. Men especially. You are no failure. You are no freak. You are a man in the wilderness as we all are. Rage against that forest,and become a master of your domain as you will. Theres others like you out there brother. An most are never more than a shout away.Stay gold.
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2019
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  8. D. Jigen

    D. Jigen Fapstronaut

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    Get a hold of yourself. Everything might be failling. But you still got your body and your mind. Recognize that porn is the reason why your life has gone shit. Reduce the time you allow to faping. make it 4 Times a days. A week after that 3. A week after that 2. Keep that at 2 and start reading success stories on the forum. Get out of your head and go outside, go for a run, sign up for boxing class. Imagine what life you want for yourself. After that make it 1 time a day. Put yourself in situation where you can't easily have access to porn. Every time you get urges, pray, take a cold shower, medidate, put on your shoes to run or whatever you want to keep you from engaging. When it will get better (and it will if you commit to what i've been telling you) look out for ressources for recovery such as www.recoverynation.com. If you're serious about quitting, i believe it will be a tremendous help for you. Stay strong bro. I know the feeling of being trapped and at the bottom of everything. But it won't be getting better by whining (and believe me i've done that). The only way out is to move forward with all your strength.
     
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  9. Robinthehood

    Robinthehood Fapstronaut

    Take it steady bro. Recognise that every step you take from your first one, is you moving towards a better life. That's power man, you can do what you want, your choice, yes or no to porn, yes or no to stand up today and say 'fuck this shit' .

    I don't see a reply from you on here, I hope you are doing ok.
     
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  10. bluemax4

    bluemax4 Fapstronaut

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    Write down a combination of letters and numbers (that you won't be able to remember) and send them in a future email to yourself. After that change the password on your PC and shut it down. That way you won't have access to the internet for however long you feel necessary for recovery. Make sure you do constructive things with your time like studying, exercising, seeing family, enjoying the outdoors etc

    You can send a future email, using this site www.futureme.org/
     
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  11. Hold it in

    Hold it in Fapstronaut

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    The gentlemen who said get a calendar, schedule is right. Porn, Masturbation things of this nature can be an addiction. Get a plan and stick to it, even if you fail. Keep at it, you must rewire your brain into your new way of life.

    I have a Schedule down for Jacking off. 1 time a week. I still beat back urges all week until I allow myself that thing. It's worked incredibly well for me. Does it suck? Hell yeah. You don't know how many times I just wanna say screw this and burp my penis. Keep at it, keep at it, keep at it!

    Speak that thing out of your life. All the best to you man, you can do this!
     
  12. bluemax4

    bluemax4 Fapstronaut

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    Why do you still jack off once a week?
     
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  13. Hold it in

    Hold it in Fapstronaut

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    Because my main problem is porn. Not really jacking off, and I have enough mental drama going on. To deny myself completely would push me over the edge psychologically speaking

    Masturbation is only a problem if I'm looking at porn. So, if I'm looking at it I won't stop playing with it. If I eliminate porn all together, my Peter playing usually stops
     
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  14. bluemax4

    bluemax4 Fapstronaut

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    I might attempt that approach myself for 3 months before doing no masturbation. Master one then conquer the other.
     
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  15. Hold it in

    Hold it in Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, get your brain rewired for success and then after that Masturbation will not be an issue
     
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  16. bluemax4

    bluemax4 Fapstronaut

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    How long have you been porn free?
     
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  17. Hold it in

    Hold it in Fapstronaut

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    With some minor slip ups recently, about the last 6 months
     
  18. bluemax4

    bluemax4 Fapstronaut

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    Super, so you've still seen benefits whilst still 'jacking off' occasionally ?
     
  19. Hold it in

    Hold it in Fapstronaut

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    Sure. More confidence, I'm not as shy. The sleep is the only thing that is probably just as bad because of being horny. Especially at night when it seems like my mind can wander and so does my cock lol
     
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  20. Grandalyn

    Grandalyn New Fapstronaut

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    Hm, it's a huge problem man! But actually based on an emotional level, than physiological. I'd rather advise you to talk to a psychologist to help you and also find a group or someone with the same problems as you have. It should help!!!
     

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