Please help regarding ED, in desperate need of success stories! Been having problems for many years

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by AGuyInHisBestYears, May 26, 2019.

  1. AGuyInHisBestYears

    AGuyInHisBestYears Fapstronaut

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    I've been having ED since probably 5 or 6 years back, and I'm currently 23. I've been to professionals, countless counseling sessions, I've had my testosterone measured professionally as part of the whole thing. I quit porn for one year, but didn't notice any difference in regards to my ED - so after that I just started up porn again. I've had plenty of sexual relations and intercourse during this time, but it's often been quite the challenge to get myself hard enough and in the majority of the cases I've had to use pills. Sometimes I won't even get it up when I'm using pills (which makes me think it's a psychological issue and not a physical one).

    In regards to the rest of my life: I'm stress-free, I exercise, I eat well, I meditate, I feel attractive. I'm not insecure about sex. I'm a very balanced human being with the exception of this one problem. I have no problem quitting porn as I've done so for extended periods before, but after seeing no results for over a year - it makes it all seem worthless. I'm not someone that watches porn every day either, or masturbates more than once. I think I can say with absolute confidence that I'm not addicted, but that doesn't take away that porn gives me pleasure.

    Are there any success stories for people that only recovered from ED after years of being porn-free? Any other ideas?

    I'll probably just quit porn again and just hold it out. I really, really want to have a healthy sex life - and after these years I can't really find any other reason as to why I'm having these problems. No professional hasn't been able to pinpoint anything either.

    If there's someone out there in a similar situation to what I've described and wants to go at getting rid of porn together and recover, anonymously - please hit me up. Might be good with some support.
     
  2. Tiger uppercut!

    Tiger uppercut! Nofap Moderator
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    When you say you quit porn for one year, do you mean you also stopped p-subs, fantasizing and masturbation?
     
  3. AGuyInHisBestYears

    AGuyInHisBestYears Fapstronaut

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    This was like 2-3 years ago so might not remember everything but yeah, I absolutely stopped everything for the first few months, half a year. After that I started masturbating to fantasies the rest of the duration, but probably just once or twice a week (not porn fantasies though).
     
  4. Tiger uppercut!

    Tiger uppercut! Nofap Moderator
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    Nice work. If you’re not getting it to work even when using pills you either built up a tolerance to them or it’s anxiety. I had the same problem sometimes. If I talked to my partner about it and mentally prepared myself that it’s ok if it doesn’t work....then it worked every time.
     
  5. AGuyInHisBestYears

    AGuyInHisBestYears Fapstronaut

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    Thanks! That's why I'm pretty sure my problem isn't addiction from the point of view that I crave porn or masturbating, it's just a nice thing that gives me pleasure you know. Which is why I went back when I didn't see any results. As you see, I'm starting to think that I require a longer time than a year and probably need to quit all masturbation as well. After doing all the things I described in my post, it really feels like the real culprit must be porn - and then the anxiety about not getting it up when having sex is just reinforcing my already existant porn-induced ED.

    What makes it harder is that I haven't been in a steady relationship for many years, which adds to the pressure of sexual performance when I hook-up with someone once or twice.
     
    Tiger uppercut! likes this.
  6. Tiger uppercut!

    Tiger uppercut! Nofap Moderator
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    Oh I get it, man. The pressure sucks. Like I said though, if you are open about it then it really takes a LOT of the pressure off and you can just focus on your partner. Everything will click then. :)
     
  7. AGuyInHisBestYears

    AGuyInHisBestYears Fapstronaut

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    Absolutely! I have been doing it quite awkwardly with my more steady hook-ups, talking to them after some time and pointing out that I have a tough time getting it up. I wouldn't say it helps that much though unfortunately..
     
  8. arken3

    arken3 Fapstronaut

    Any pain at all, while sitting, urinating, after ejaculating, etc? Even a slight burn? Sometimes muscle tension can be an issue that leads to inflammation.

    If ED meds don't work, which would be unexpected that you have ED anyway, it's pretty clear sign that it's in your brain. Doesn't have to be PTSD or porn addiction (though I recommend getting away from P). Could be some sort of anxiety or who knows, but it's buried in your brain. Have you ever tried meditation?
     
  9. AGuyInHisBestYears

    AGuyInHisBestYears Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, thanks for the tip. No pain or anything - it's been this way for years. It's probably in my brain yes, but as I wrote in the first post: "In regards to the rest of my life: I'm stress-free, I exercise, I eat well, I meditate, I feel attractive. I'm not insecure about sex. I'm a very balanced human being with the exception of this one problem.".
    I wish I had a clearer sign of what the cause could be, like if I was constantly stressed out or if I had anxiety or depression in general - but I'm lucky at the same time to be spared from that. That's why I think it's porn and a psychological issue - I can clearly remember a time (like 10 years ago) when I just started to get sexually active, and then I didn't have any problems at all getting it up or keeping it up.
     
  10. arken3

    arken3 Fapstronaut

    Ah, missed that you already meditate. So, it sounds like you're a pretty self-aware person. Then the only thing I can think of for the psychological part is therapy. I am personally doing this myself soon, and honestly don't know what I'm going to talk about, but I know there's something. Perhaps you feel the same way? For me it's probably related to years of internalized homophobia, self-denial, and unfamiliarity with intimacy. Does that relate to you at all, or do you have any ideas what might be important topics for you?

    Were your ED issues brought on instantly, like could you point to a day it happened? Or was it more gradual, and if so, what was going on during that time in your life?
     
  11. AGuyInHisBestYears

    AGuyInHisBestYears Fapstronaut

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    Thanks. I've had a few counseling session with a professional sex therapist, but after a few sessions we couldn't really find the spot. I've been thinking about contacting another centre thats primarily focused on sexual health and see what they think, might just do that. The problem that was before and is still true is that I'm not in a steady relationship and I don't regurarly have sex as I would if I was in one - that makes it hard to "experiment", and all we can do at the sessions is theorize on why this might be happening. Sure, every once in a while I sleep with someone, but I'm often not 100% comfortable in those situations (as it's with a new person) which makes it harder to rule out first-time pressure. The ED happened to me after I was in a relationship as well, so I'm sure it's not just the pressure to perform either. The relationships were perfectly fine too, hard to find any faults in both the emotional and physical aspects of those. I'm sure there's always *something*, but I've tried really hard to come up with something and even tried to battle it out with the earlier sex therapist, but it never hurts to try again.

    Regarding the other stuff, I've always been comfortable in my (and others) sexuality in that I don't really care to define myself. I've experimented with guys but that was not just my thing. I would say I'm familiar with intimacy and been so for a while - I'm quite sure what I want sexually, so it's not a question of me not being able to live out my "fantasies" in the bedroom. I'm glad you're finding your way though and taking the step towards therapy, hope it goes well!

    I can't pinpoint it exactly when it started, but I think it crept up on me more and more during my first real relationship - towards the end I had a harder time getting it up, this was probably around 6-7 years ago when I was 16-17. The only thing that happened to me during that time was that I got half-circumcised due to phimosis, but that shouldn't really matter. I still have foreskin left and I'm still sensitive. I have bad memory otherwise so I can't really recall that timeperiod too well. I do react to physical stimuli which makes me able to get it up once in a while, but it often takes a while and it's hard to keep it up. The psychological sexual attraction nearly doesn't do a thing to my erection though. Porn though is pretty much instant erection.

    Kinda long and unstructured post, hopefully you were able to follow along.
     
  12. arken3

    arken3 Fapstronaut

    I'm also in this situation, and haven't even been in a relationship so I have no frame of reference. Definitely does add another variable to the problem.

    Perhaps the drama of the relationship ending did some subtle psychological damage? At any rate, a therapist can't hurt. Glad you're trying again. I'm not sure what to expect either, but figure it's worth a shot. Keep me posted!
     
  13. AGuyInHisBestYears

    AGuyInHisBestYears Fapstronaut

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    Hm, yeah. We didn't have too much drama tbh. I was the one to break up due to me just being uninterested, and it was such a long time ago. God, I hate how I make it sound like I don't have any problems in the world or any traumas that have affected me - but to be honest I have a really, really hard time coming up with something that could've affected me in such a way.

    Thanks for the encouragement, and all the luck to you as well! Let's keep fighting! I will keep you posted on any updates. So far so good regarding my ability to keep away from PMO though.
     
  14. arken3

    arken3 Fapstronaut

    This is probably the best strategy. Don't worry about solving all the problems at once. 90 days of this and you may have more answers than you can see right now. I'd also point out that, we generally can't see certain things about ourselves until we get perspective from someone else, which again points to therapy.
     

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