PLEASE, NEED ADVICE: Intermittent use?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Andy_M, Mar 9, 2019.

  1. Andy_M

    Andy_M Fapstronaut

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    Hi, guys! I will try to be concise and brief.
    (pardon for any misspelling and grammar mistakes, english is my second language)

    I ve been hanging around nofap community for 5 years now. I discovered NoFap through YBOP.com. Still remember the date i started reading everything about harmful effects of porn, etc. The 8th of July 2014. I was so excited, i went on a streak of 81 days: i wasnt watching porn, wasnt masturbating, i wasnt even looking at girls:) everything was great, I thought i found my new source of superpowers, but then, on 81st day, i relapsed, binged for couple of hours.

    I tried to get up, dust off and start again, but after 15 days i binged again. And here comes a strange thing...

    I vividly remember walking out my appartment building, and there was a girl passing me by. I couldnt help myself but checking her. So i ogled. It was almost like some internal force squezzed my brain, throw a fishhook on my eyes and pulled me to look in her direction. Despite my logic's protests, i rendered myself being helpless. Nevertheless, i went with my day.
    In 3 weeks i relapsed and binged again.

    That pattern continued for 4.5 years with streaks from 10 to 23 days ending with binges for 2-3 hours.

    Another strange thing happened to me in summer of 2015, when i realised that i couldnt fall asleep without masturbating if i ogled even 1 girl that day. Crazy? Weird? I know:( but i've been living like that for almost 4 years now. During summer i am even afraid to look up from sidewalk, because i am afraid of noticing some girls, my uncontrolled ogling, etc. And dont even ask me about swimming pools, beaches, malls, etc. - i scared of those places as hell:)

    I graduated from NoFap Academy, went to psychiatrist, joined Sexaholics Anonymous, dvelved on topic of lust and other stuff. But the problem never went away. Moreover, here comes more fun: my uncontrolled behaviour made me downgrade my phone to the one without internet, i unsubscribed from cabel tv, and blocked internet access at home. All of this because of my fear of relapse. Or at least i thought so...

    Recently, i discovered this article
    https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/reb...ong-abstinence-with-binges-an-addiction-risk/

    It seems like it fits my situation. Maybe any other fapstronauts suffer from this nasty effect:(

    I just wanted to ask, guys, could it be THE reason or i am totally cocoo? what do you think in general? Any advice or feedback would be highly appreciated!!!
     
  2. LilD

    LilD Fapstronaut

    Dude, have you tried dating girls instead of building a wall between you and them? Obviously, you like looking at them and get aroused, that's what your body is supposed to do! Fighting your own nature won't do you any good. Sexual attraction is not a defect, it's a normal function.
     
    spirit_activated and Andy_M like this.

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