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Please [still enslaved to this loneliness]

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by IGY, Nov 2, 2015.

  1. HopeFaith

    HopeFaith Fapstronaut

    I was pondering if to reply or not but because you are suffering hugely I decided to try, even if you dislike me or what I have to say, and most likely you will reject what I have to say.

    What you are feeling IGY is right! The inside of your body has been scraped out and hollowed but not by your friend that rejected you IGY. This happened long time ago....so long ago that you don’t even remember ever being any other way, probably when you were a child. Those rejections are happening repeatedly in your life so that you can finally heal that scraped out wound!

    I said that your feelings are right because heathy people feel deeply embodied inside their bodies, they feel safe and present inside. In fact, their body is their security they can retreat into, in order to stabilise themselves when things don’t go well on the outside. You don’t have that inside security and the hollow feelings and profound loneliness you are experiencing is nothing more than your own souls pain of separation and longing for YOU to return to YOU: to your body, to your heart, to your soul.

    Also you will only experience this pain when you loose external crutches: friends, addictions, pills as they all temporary numb it out for you so you don’t feel it. But the wound is always there because rather than looking at it and dealing with it by healing it, you have been runing away from it. Also no meds, friends, addiction will ever succeed at keeping this wound away from you .... because the u universe wants you to heal for good and this means going through it rather than running away from it or doing a temporal patch up job.

    I was where you are so I know how extremely unpleasant those feelings you are experiencing are. But I also was lucky 2 years ago as I used one therapiest that literally connected me back into my body. Afterwards I carried on practicing daily body mindfulness meditation of reconnecting with myself and today..... although I still feel occasionally lonely..... the feelings are mellow, bearable easily withstandable, where us my body feels full: full of me being present with my feelings and with my body all the time.

    So the key to ending your suffering lies in your hands if you would like to use it.
    This is the lady I used, she works over Skype:


    Also consider trying somatic mindfulness, NARM, constelation therapy, IFS, focussing. Those are all methods available to you should you decide to heal your wound. Because this wound is what drives your addiction and your mood problems are all resulting from it. Just read about emotional disregulation, disassociation, complex trauma.

    If you succeed at reconnecting back to your body, half of the battle will be behind you. The other half will be to sort out all the disregulated and overpowering emotions of yours but that is relatively easy once you are properly embodied. It will only take time and a very good practitioner, your persistence and a deep desire to start feeling well.

    I wish you all the best in your journey and will not reply anymore to your posts as I know you don’t agree with what I have to say. I just had to try this one time as I know that without proper treatment your suffering will go on for ever and I would not wish it on you or on anybody else, as it it excruciating. Take care IGY.
    Last edited: May 9, 2018
  2. Thank you @Headspace, you are a true and trusted friend and I am most grateful to count you among my friends. :) But in my day-to-day life, I have just one friend remaining. Although he is not in my life too often. He is married with three children with the youngest approaching his first birthday. He works full time of course, so I only see him once every couple of months for an hour or so. We send occasional text messages so he is almost like an online friend as well. :| Thanks pal.
  3. That is very kind, thanks. I know you are sincere in your empathy @HopeFaith, and I agree with many of your comments.

    I shall be having long term psychodynamic psychotherapy (LTPP) in due course. I am confident I shall face and address my emotional dysregulation, disassociation and complex traumas. I do, indeed, have a deep desire to start feeling well. :) :)
    HopeFaith and Buddhabro like this.
  4. Skullcap

    Skullcap Fapstronaut

    I noticed this thread is a year old. Are you over your online friend, igy? I am glad you are going to get therapy and treatment. It has helped me the most.
    Don Gately likes this.
  5. Damn bro, I can actually feel your pain. I can sense the amount of pain coming from your heart, it's a tragedy. Yes, I know that's coming from rejection but I do know it sucks ass, especially for those with a long-time crush.

    I hope you get better and just move on with your life. Try to find someone else instead and hopefully, that girl actually accepts and gets into a relationship with you. It's hard but how else do you get into a relationship. It's basically a game of emotional Russian Roulette. It's a game of chance.

    So keep trying and hopefully, you get a girl that likes you but for now, better yourself and that day shall come for you. Take care.

    -Captain Rex of the 501st Legion
  6. I would like to thank all the contributors on this page regarding my recent loss of a very significant friendship, namely, @Awakeatlast | @Headspace | @HopeFaith | @Skullcap | @Captain Rex and many others that have sent me personal messages about this. To be a part of this community with such supportive peers is an enriching experience. Thank you. Happily, I can report that our relationship was salvaged on Tuesday! :cool: Yeah, that's right. I can hardly believe it tbh! :)

    My amazement at this change and my happiness to have this friendship restored arose, in part, from my customary way of (dys)functioning in the world - with black-and-white (all-or-nothing) thinking. o_O Without going on a tangent in this post, for any that wish to understand why some people think in such a way, please follow this link: Splitting (psychology). o_O Evidently, Splitting is commonly found among those with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) with which we both live.

    I was grateful at the time, and certainly yesterday, that there had been no insults thrown by either of us and no wild accusations were levelled. So, I walked in to the specialist BPD day centre we attend and he was sitting in the main seating area. I had no inner dread, like "Uh-oh! Shit! He's here!" Rather, I sat down briefly opposite and said "Hello ________" as I would do anyway. He looked up and said, "Oh, hello. Long time, no see mate." Then, I went to get some cold water to drink and went in to see the psychologist and mental health nurse with whom I had an appointment. An hour later, he was no longer there. If he had been, I would certainly have said "Goodbye". I was not going to ignore him.

    So, we met by chance, a full week after my last communication with him via Facebook:- "Don't contact me again"). :oops: A few hours later (Tuesday evening), he sent several, really warm and conciliatory messages and we started to "talk". It felt right and after a while, it was clear to us both that we wanted our close friendship of the past to continue. I am so happy about this - we both are. He apologised "for making such a mess of things", and everything was great! :)
    Awakeatlast and Skullcap like this.
  7. Skullcap

    Skullcap Fapstronaut

    That's great!! I was asking if you have got over the friend you originally made this thread about.. out of curiosity as I read the whole thread and arguments that took place here in this thread. You don't have to answer if I'm a bother.
    Peace bro!
  8. Yes, I intended to answer that and I was and I am happy to do. I am not sure why I didn't. Sorry mate. :( Sadly, there was no further contact with the friend I spoke of on the early pages of this thread. I still miss him a lot and I think of him often i.e. several times a week. You could say I have not got over him. On the other hand, that loss doesn't prevent me doing anything in my life right now. Yes, there were some very strong arguments and insensitive comments were made, especially by tweeby (although much of what he posted at the time was deleted because it was so nasty). Take care man.
  9. I am pleased to hear that pal. Enjoy the upcoming weekend, too! :)
  10. Skullcap

    Skullcap Fapstronaut

    I like the honesty. You don't have to get over him. You honor the friendship by thinking about him, remembering him and praying for his welfare. I wouldn't consider the whole thing a fall out of friendship. Fall outs don't make sense. If you suddenly start hating someone you loved for so many days, that love doesn't mean jack! Unfortunately people focus too much on the external aspects. What I mean is that friendships, as real as they can be, are also time bound and conditional. They depend on a lot of factors and can be very circumstantial. I broke up with my girl last year. I still love her. There is no hate. But we grew apart so much as persons that living together was not conducive for the love we had anymore. I still visit her sometimes and she still calls me on the phone sometimes. That love you have for your friend means that it's a part of yourself. It's yours. Yours and yours alone forever and ever. It can't be hurt. And that love can't be hurt no matter what. It is pure and unconditional. It is selfless. Pray for your friends welfare. You will feel better about yourself. Let the purity of love and the force of it consume you. ;) Keep him in your heart. Don't consider it a fall out or a tragic end or contemplate over whose fault it is. If you do so, you'll be hard on yourself. And I am quite pleased you were hard on yourself and struggled to get over him. I don't see that kind of quality of love in this world anymore.
  11. Thank you so much man. Yes there was a tremendous amount of mutual respect and plutonic love in that relationship. We had no recriminations and I am sure that he continues to think of me in the same positive way I think of him. You are right that the closeness and the connection we felt i.e. the quality of love is seldom seen in this world. :) Thank you buddy. :cool:
    Skullcap likes this.
  12. Skullcap

    Skullcap Fapstronaut

    I'm sure he remembers and prays for you. Make no doubt about it. Your heart can't just walk away from a friendship like that. Such friendships are forever.
  13. Skullcap

    Skullcap Fapstronaut

    Love is your nature. It's not outside. He helped you discover all that love you had within you. It's very healing man. That love is not going to leave you.

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