Please [still enslaved to this loneliness]

I was pondering if to reply or not but because you are suffering hugely I decided to try, even if you dislike me or what I have to say, and most likely you will reject what I have to say.

What you are feeling IGY is right! The inside of your body has been scraped out and hollowed but not by your friend that rejected you IGY. This happened long time ago....so long ago that you don’t even remember ever being any other way, probably when you were a child. Those rejections are happening repeatedly in your life so that you can finally heal that scraped out wound!

I said that your feelings are right because heathy people feel deeply embodied inside their bodies, they feel safe and present inside. In fact, their body is their security they can retreat into, in order to stabilise themselves when things don’t go well on the outside. You don’t have that inside security and the hollow feelings and profound loneliness you are experiencing is nothing more than your own souls pain of separation and longing for YOU to return to YOU: to your body, to your heart, to your soul.

Also you will only experience this pain when you loose external crutches: friends, addictions, pills as they all temporary numb it out for you so you don’t feel it. But the wound is always there because rather than looking at it and dealing with it by healing it, you have been runing away from it. Also no meds, friends, addiction will ever succeed at keeping this wound away from you .... because the u universe wants you to heal for good and this means going through it rather than running away from it or doing a temporal patch up job.


I was where you are so I know how extremely unpleasant those feelings you are experiencing are. But I also was lucky 2 years ago as I used one therapiest that literally connected me back into my body. Afterwards I carried on practicing daily body mindfulness meditation of reconnecting with myself and today..... although I still feel occasionally lonely..... the feelings are mellow, bearable easily withstandable, where us my body feels full: full of me being present with my feelings and with my body all the time.

So the key to ending your suffering lies in your hands if you would like to use it.
This is the lady I used, she works over Skype:

http://www.paigebartholomew.com/

Also consider trying somatic mindfulness, NARM, constelation therapy, IFS, focussing. Those are all methods available to you should you decide to heal your wound. Because this wound is what drives your addiction and your mood problems are all resulting from it. Just read about emotional disregulation, disassociation, complex trauma.

If you succeed at reconnecting back to your body, half of the battle will be behind you. The other half will be to sort out all the disregulated and overpowering emotions of yours but that is relatively easy once you are properly embodied. It will only take time and a very good practitioner, your persistence and a deep desire to start feeling well.

I wish you all the best in your journey and will not reply anymore to your posts as I know you don’t agree with what I have to say. I just had to try this one time as I know that without proper treatment your suffering will go on for ever and I would not wish it on you or on anybody else, as it it excruciating. Take care IGY.

 

I noticed this thread is a year old. Are you over your online friend, igy? I am glad you are going to get therapy and treatment. It has helped me the most.

 

That's great!! I was asking if you have got over the friend you originally made this thread about.. out of curiosity as I read the whole thread and arguments that took place here in this thread. You don't have to answer if I'm a bother.
Peace bro!

 

I like the honesty. You don't have to get over him. You honor the friendship by thinking about him, remembering him and praying for his welfare. I wouldn't consider the whole thing a fall out of friendship. Fall outs don't make sense. If you suddenly start hating someone you loved for so many days, that love doesn't mean jack! Unfortunately people focus too much on the external aspects. What I mean is that friendships, as real as they can be, are also time bound and conditional. They depend on a lot of factors and can be very circumstantial. I broke up with my girl last year. I still love her. There is no hate. But we grew apart so much as persons that living together was not conducive for the love we had anymore. I still visit her sometimes and she still calls me on the phone sometimes. That love you have for your friend means that it's a part of yourself. It's yours. Yours and yours alone forever and ever. It can't be hurt. And that love can't be hurt no matter what. It is pure and unconditional. It is selfless. Pray for your friends welfare. You will feel better about yourself. Let the purity of love and the force of it consume you. Keep him in your heart. Don't consider it a fall out or a tragic end or contemplate over whose fault it is. If you do so, you'll be hard on yourself. And I am quite pleased you were hard on yourself and struggled to get over him. I don't see that kind of quality of love in this world anymore.

 

Im

I'm sure he remembers and prays for you. Make no doubt about it. Your heart can't just walk away from a friendship like that. Such friendships are forever.

 

Love is your nature. It's not outside. He helped you discover all that love you had within you. It's very healing man. That love is not going to leave you.