Please tell me it gets better

Well I'm not in the group... So, hello!
I can tell you that as a SO, it's fuckin tough to get through the first set of holidays during reboot.
It's tough as all hell.
Especially around family...
Especially with kids (I have 5)
So... What is he doing for reboot?
Is it just therapy?
What are you doing for yourself?
Because... I don't know about "taking every pill"
Unless you have him on medication for flaccid penis (and I'm taking about heart medication to make it so he can't get it up... Like at anytime)
It sounds like he's just jumping around in the dark, grasping at anything he can to try to help.
Sorry, if that's blunt...
Truly.
I understand you are in pain.
And being sad amplifes pain, like 10 fold.
But I'm more wondering if he has a daily plan for you to rely on so you can be sure he's accountable and get back his integrity again.

 

How's hard mode going?
& being accountable everyday in little ways, checking in and answering questions (when you have them) and not being defensive...
Are good starts

 

Also, it's said that if the betrayal trauma consists of 1,000 cuts than 1,001 apologies is the first step towards healing... Or something like that.
I'm not sure.
Really
I just know consistency helps, and physical proof helps everyday for me

 

Yes! I feel this exact way. It is the part I can't get over. And I get that addiction means they aren't doing it to hurt us, but for me, my husband's PA started after us having a discussion about P where he knew my feelings on it, knew I thought of it as cheating. And he did not have a PA at that time. So, his addiction developed after this. That is really hard to take, that he chose to do it knowing it would hurt me (because we talked about it) and continue it to the point of addiction.

 

Have either of you checked the secret tabs or made sure they were locked?
For your own sanity?

 

Sorry... I know I will ask the hard questions... But I didn't make it this far without learning some tricks and making mistakes

 

You iPhone or Android?
And feel free to ask whatever you want to.
I'm here to help you.
Seriously.

 

It does... And a full private mode that can turn the whole phone into a secret double phone.
I'll private message you.
I don't help make the PAs into smarter "criminals"

 

Yes, hugs are good! I know what you mean about liking some of the posts here, I like because I relate, not because I actually "like" it. I hate that any of us have to go through this.

 

We should teach our sons differently...
For sure.

But it's good to know what to look for.
It's not good to tell them how we found it..

 

Are you meaning me? I turned off private browsing (iPhone) and have it pretty locked down. He asked me to remove web browsing completely and the "allow only certain websites" option makes him not be able to access it even in other apps, which he wanted.

The only thing we don't have locked down is his work computer, because we can't. I don't think he is doing anything on there, but I really wouldn't know if he was. I can just kind of tell by the changes in his personality that he isn't. But the option is always there for him, I guess.

 

First off, how phone savvy are you?
This is chrome??
Do you ever leave internet net tabs and return to them? Not fully close them and pop them back up?
This is most likely that.
He's just leaving pages open and because the pages are already logged it's not relogging them.
Like best buy.
Close it... Maybe go make a sandwich, sit and then reopen and look at TV prices... Idk.
But it's sounds right.
Ask him about it.
We all do it.('similar things)
Double check.
Good luck

 

Welcome to the forum. I’m sorry you’re going through this...I truly wish none of us were here..but unfortunately we are. Most SO can completely relate with the feelings you have. As I believe Kenzi mentioned the initial discovery and months after are the toughest to get through. Wounds are fresh and it’s hard to see through the storm. I can tell you it does get better. It’s hard to see that now but I promise it will. Sometimes it helps to look at the success stories on here. They can be very encouraging. Educating yourself on porn addiction and addiction in general is very helpful. But the most important thing is to make sure to take care of yourself. Do things to make yourself feel good even if they are little things...walks, exercising, shopping, massage, nails...anything. Just do something good for YOU! You’ve been through a lot and deserve something good..especially if you are depressed. Do something that refreshes you and your mind to help you get to a good place.

Hang in there!