PMO addiction always acts as a veil

Today I went deeper into myself. A cycle of relapses and very short streaks made me see how I really felt and what I thought about myself.

I keep comparing myself to others, albeit knowing it is not useful at all. When studying, I think I will never become the next [insert important author here], that I will never write that much, or have that level of comprehension on the subject. I am anxious about my future; when I think about being a teacher, I have fears of not being able to teach things properly or to remember the information. I also feel totally impotent or weak in a lot of everyday aspects, tasks or even social relations. I have no initiative, or at least that I think.

An these are only a part of the whole story, I also believe I won't have a job, or struggle a lot with my life so that I regret it all in the end. I feel like shit and my environment is shitty too, my family is always anxious and treating each other badly (I do that too) and my friends seem too shallow to talk about something like this.

PMO only deepens the hole and makes me feel like I am a loser or a nobody, in spite of knowing, well inside me, that I can achieve great things (many people told me that). It makes me "reset" and go back into every other addictions and antisocial habits like gaming, listening to music all day, watching anime, surfing the web, etc., etc. These past days I have been so unproductive that I feel I can't go any deeper.

One of the effects of NoFap I like the most is when I start to accumulate days and I stop feeling bad, when my mind stops thinking about how a disaster I seem to be and starts to compute towards making me a better person, achieving things and being more social and impulsive. Motivation and discipline increase, I read more, I study more, I go out more. PMO only hides this, and in my case it hid all these problems for years... Never fall for its trap, it is never healthy, it always works to keep you away from something you should be improving or thinking about.

Greetings, thanks for reading what I felt.