PMO and lack of love and meaning

I am more more finding out that PMO is for me only a way to escape life.
PMO make me apathetic and numb which is easier than actually feel something.
I have been 'sober' now for less than a week and I already feel some kind of the emotions, the thing is that are very negative, the meaningless of my life,the complete loneliness, how delusional people are always for me.
Today the girl I thought was my girlfriend told me that she was only having fun and I could see she really doesn't care.
I don't have real friends or a any real interest in life, I will fight this shit but I have to fill the empty space with something else.