PMO induced ED?

Hey. This sounds like delayed ejaculation (DE), which can come about as a combination of being psychologically reliant on porn to get you off, and physically reliant on a much tighter grip than a vagina can give you.

I can speak only from my experience, but the good news is that abstaining from porn and masturbation will help over time. What will also help, assuming you're going to continue having sex in the interim, is accepting for a while that you might not O. Accepting it will reduce the pressure you put on yourself and ensure that doesn't hinder you as you physically recover.

The bad news is it could take some time. And you absolutely MUSTN'T go back to porn or masturbation while you're recovering. You may want to, especially if you're having trouble with O in real life, but that will just reinforce the problem.

Best of luck. You're doing a difficult thing, but it's a problem that affects a lot of men of all different ages, and you should be proud for trying to fix it.

 

I have struggled all my adult life with DE, and it's not directly the result of PMO, which started quite late in life. First of all, I think it's important not to define "having sex" as necessarily reaching a climax. If you're touching in that way, and sharing in that way, then it's definitely sex, even if there is no O. Part of the difficulty with DE is learning to let go of the sense that if there is no O, it's a failure. In my particular situation, it can feel wonderful for hours, and still, I won't be able to get there, so I'm beginning to acknowledging the "wonderful" regardless of the "results." That's my $0.02 for today--

 

Hi my partner has DE. He also thought it was not porn induced because he did not start viewing porn until late in life but always had DE. Funny thing is that when he stopped the porn for a few months the DE got better. He still cannot O during intercourse but he can from my hand and mouth which he could never do while using the porn. I totally get that there are other ways to enjoy sex but for most women DE is a huge issue. I'm sorry you are suffering with it and I'm even more sorry that I can't enjoy a sexual relationship with a man that can't O inside of me but I can't .

 

JJ whatever you do DONT finish yourself off after you're done having sex with your girlfriend try and avoid pmo for a month or more entirely and it will get better had the same issue for a long time and figured it would be okay after I would get my ex gf off that I'd finish myself off and it makes things worse just tough it out stay strong and accept the fact you aren't going to O during sex and it will relax you and make the experience so much better

 

This is excellent advice! That was what my partner did always finished himself off but there was no intimacy in that and I grew to be disgusted by it. If you know you can rely on your hand to O you akways will and you need to retrain yourself to O from her not your hand. It's tough for the guy I know. But what we do is have sex including foreplay for a set period of time say 30 min and if he does not O then he does not and we try another day. Eventually it works. But the man has to be willing to not O for an extended period of time.

 

Yea it completely killed my exes drive to have sex with me knowing she couldn't make me O and I would do it myself afterwards. I had stopped PMO for almost a month and finally Od with her and things slowly got better with our sex life. Patience and dedication are key!

 

It's a little more standard for gay men, to take turns, and finishing oneself is really nice sometimes, for both guys. So there's not the same stigma, with that whole intercourse expectation thing. I mean, we do, but it's not necessarily the goal. Culture is funny.

 

Interesting I did not know that. Most heterosexual women want a man to O,from them. De is a big problem it ends a lot of relationship.

 

Well it can also be a good tool of the man to be erect, but hold back his O ... he loves to feel the erection ... to play with his and her arousment ... so he doesn't go over the cliff so soon .. and that makes her more aroused ... "she wants his cock" ... in a D/s relationship, it can be a way to make her almost "dependent" ... He shows great self-discipline with that (given he does not secretely masturbate) ...

 

No it's not fun and it does not make us more aroused. Being in a relationship with a man with DE is not fun. You do not get more aroused you wonder why he can't O what's wrong with you are you unattractive to him? You are in pain from him lasting too long. You just want to have a normal sexual relationship where you don't have to set aside an hour for sex. You start to dread it. And I should mention it's not fun for the man. He wants to O he is not trying to hold out to get better pleasure. But he can't,

 

You're 100% right! It sucks because it takes away from being in the moment when all you're worried about is if you'll O or not and it definitely makes the woman question if they are attractive enough or good enough in bed for their man. Plus they always end up in pain from hour long sessions and it causes both parties to almost dread having sex knowing the same result will most likely happen from the last time

 

BTW: Is he circumcised ?

 

I think someone needs to tell men we women don't want hour long sex sessions on the regular! The only thing I can think is that men watch porn and think women want porn star men and since they last forever tha

No he's not.

 

You might laugh: I recently met a woman who WANTED to be fucked and fingered for FOUR hours ! I admit, she is really a special case, because it's like a drug for her.

 

I'm not laughing I am sure some women like that and most can enjoy foreplay (fingering) for a lot longer than intercourse. But that's a choice being made and whole hour long sessions may be great when you are young with no responsibilities or on vacation they are just not plausible in long term relationships. And that's where you see the problems arise with DE not in hook ups or short term flings. If a couple is choosing to have a session that long that's not defined as DE because a necessary component in the diagnosis is that it's causing stress or problems if it's not great! But people in relationships where DE is involved don't choose they have no control over the situation. So if the man wants to O in 10 minutes he can't that's where the problem lies.

 

I can't imagine ever feeling like this, and it would be devastating to me if my partner did. Impatience, at least for me, is a direct contributor to DE. I would have no chance at all reaching O--no matter how long my partner kept at it--if he needed to "finish up and get going..." or because he just thought I took too long. There are plenty of times when we acknowledge that to focus any longer or harder on the O would make it less and less likely for me, but even then, we try for as long as we want before letting it rest until next time. If your partner struggles with DE, then take it from me, you can't set time limits or communicate that it's taking too long. It will just get worse and worse.

 

I never set time limits or said it was taking too long. But I did say I am in pain I need to stop and I think that's only fair. You can't expect a partner to continue doing something that is causing them physical pain. And my best advice on DE or what worked for us is that we agreed first he would only o from me no use of his hands. We would have sex and foreplay for a set period of time say 30 minutes and if he did not O we would stop and try again another day. That worked. It worked because he was able to not get angry with himself or frustrated. If you have been at it for an hour you tend to get angry at yourself or he did. It worked because it got us to have more sex since we both knew it was not going to be an hour long thing where both of us ended feeling like failures. 30 minutes I've got time everyday for that! But the couple has to be committed and realize it may take a very long time. The man needs to accept that he won't O for awhile.

 

Well, certainly not if it's painful. I missed where the post mentioned pain. And of course, whether one feels like a failure is part of the underlying issue--the idea that sex only counts if there's orgasm within an hour.

Now for me, I feel a lot of frustration, but that's because it's all there and I just can't put it together, and my husband is deeply compassionate about it, but doesn't feel like he's a failure, either. Still, watching the clock would make it all the harder for me, and thirty minutes is barely time to drink a glass of wine, let alone conjoin in a life bond to reconnect identity as a unit and express decades of love and commitment. It's just not something I can put on a to-do list for today.