PMO is My Vehicle of Avoidance

Avoidance is ruining my life. PMO is the vehicle I use for avoidance. During the times I have had any level of sobriety in the past year (85 days and 45 days) I had lots of work to do that could be used instead as my vehicle of avoidance. I am tired of using PMO to avoid confrontation.

A little about me. I am in my early 60s but won't retire until 70 because of many financial fuck-ups (around which my avoidance is centered). I have a goal to learn stock futures training and have started but PMO is getting in the way, as I will waste many hours on PMO, primarily in sex chat rooms, when I should be studying.

I was always able to keep the PMO issue at bay until I got internet access in the mid-90s. It's been hell ever since. I desperately need to stop. I did a 12 Step program about 12 years ago that was effective for a while but I never dealt with the stressors that sent me into porn for escape. I know I have no hope of dealing with the issues that I let push me into porn and sex chat rooms unless I have dealt with PMO as the escape vehicle.
Today is my first full day 1 of the 90 day challenge. I am so looking forward to being engaged in the forums to beat this monster and rewire my brain away from the dopamine and other brain chemical rush that PMO provides.

Thank you for reading this. Have a fantastic day, year, and decade!!

 

Made it through 3 days (all the days of 2020 so far) so I am happy. Emotional triggers are my worst to overcome if I have idle time which is this morning. I will write out my 2020 goals instead to keep moving forward. The key is to do something productive instead of just any old activity. Even if I don't act out, if it is just a time wasting activity then I will feel like shit. Stack enough time on non-PMO wasting things (surfing Facebook, Twitter) then I will feel bad and say i might as well PMO, at least it's exciting. No more. This year is going to be a good year! No more doing stupid shit.

 

Last night was huge. In the past it would have been a big PMO binge as my wife went to bed early. I stayed true to my 2020 goals and worked on my financial mess. Eventually, I will work my way out of it but it will take persistent effort. I got a lot of good done last night and am feeling very good about my direction in 2020 as no PMO in this year so far.