I'm at a point to where it feels like I'm deliberately sabotaging my soul and my mind. It seems like I'm using pornography as a way to sabotage myself and I'm not sure why I'm doing these things. I've blocked everything off of my computer to the point to where I can't access any video sites whatsoever. However, I'm still looking up porn pics on google images and I'm going to a website that is for GIFs and look up pornographic photos there. I don't know but it feels like I'm at the point of despair and I'm looking up these things not so much for the porn in of itself, but for reinforcing self-negativity. It's horrific!