Poll/Question about movie watching now...

BreakingDawn · Nov 11, 2020

MountainInMyWay said: ↑

I’m sure it has to do with certain insecurities of his past, but still very confusing when he told me this. I’m wondering if that matters in a Soft vs Hard reboot situation.
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Gotchya.

If you could pass one message along to him for me it would be this: Find a counselor who can help dive deeply into the malignant emotional processes and lies you've absorbed even from your childhood.

Alongside my reboot, I started seeing a counselor. My own hard-mode reboot is just as much about my emotional and spiritual well being as it is about my sexuality. The two are inextricable. It's amazing how helpful a professional, who knows what they're doing, can be.

To clarify, I mean counseling just for him, not for the two of you. I started counseling for myself, on my own, without even my wife's input. Now she would agree it's been one of the single most important steps I've taken to heal our marriage.

CrimsnBlade · Nov 11, 2020

BreakingDawn said: ↑

There's a lot of great info above. I don't have much to add, other than ...

On the other side of a real reboot, your partner should break his patterns of sexualizing/objectifying women in general and learn how to express his sexuality specifically toward you.

There are a number of actual women in my life I used to fantasize about. There are a number of popular actresses I used to seek out. While I was using, references to them would trigger my urge to seek an opportunity to MO. Now? I see these women in real life or scroll past a news article about these actresses, and I'm just not that interested.

Of course, when I say "reboot" I mean 90 days, no porn, masturbation, or orgasm. No sex. Even if you're married. Total sexual deprivation. You can see my counter for how far along I am in my own reboot.

Now what triggers me? My wife. Seriously. I never appreciated what I already had until I deprived myself of everything else.

This has been months of rebooting in the making. Zero porn. Zero masturbation. Zero sex. Zero music with sexual themes. Zero movies with sexual content. Zero anything that would cause me to spiral back into my old habits. It has been perhaps the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life, but I feel a passion and love for my wife that I haven't felt since we started dating. Only through a true hard-mode reboot, my wife's unconditional commitment and support, and a whole ton of God's grace.

Your SO can get there, too. He can break the sexual connection to the images of these women. But he needs to want to fight like hell for it.
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Couldn't have said it better myself.

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Poll/Question about movie watching now...

If SO previously looked up about 100 specific actresses to MO, what’s your advice for the future?

He should reveal who he looked at before so you know what to avoid (killing you each process)

He should not reveal until a movie comes on with that actress and reveal it then (still killing you)

He should not reveal names but basically say: We can’t watch this movie. (Ugh)

He should not say anything & just turn his head away when the actress is on (leaving you oblivious)

He should pick the movies you watch together that are ‘safe’ to watch for at least 90 days(or more?)

Complicated. Response below.

BreakingDawn Fapstronaut

CrimsnBlade Fapstronaut

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