Porn addict = Angry guy

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Prov.4:23, Apr 22, 2015.

  1. Prov.4:23

    Prov.4:23 Fapstronaut

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    I once attended a marriage conference where the speaker said that when there are intense levels of anger on the male's part, it is almost always related to porn. That got me thinking, I was always very angry toward my spouse after acting out. Is it possible that this is related to self-hate, which leads to a lack of concern for those around us as well?
     
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  2. riis11

    riis11 Fapstronaut

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    I too have been angry after PMOing and I have gotten angry at my spouse after sex and bring unable to perform. I understand that anger is a mechanism that is used to transfer our guilt or shame that we feel from PMOing onto someone else. By transferring the emotion to another person, it some how distances the guilt and shame that we are feeling away from ourselves.
     
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  3. Prov.4:23

    Prov.4:23 Fapstronaut

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    That does make a lot of sense @riis11 . So much easier if the problem isn't us. Just another reason to be done with this stuff!
     
  4. The addiction talks to the addict. You have to look at it that way. When getting clean you almost have to step outside yourself and look at what you are doing, subjectively. One of the things the addiction tells the addict is that using the addiction is acceptable to punish others for whatever perceived transgression they may have committed. Get in a fight with your SO? PMO, show her. Another thing the addiction does is tell the addict they have earned it, either as a reward, or because they have been unjustly treated. For the addict to recover the addict must understand that life is not always just and it will not be made just through relapse to PMO. The addict must know the addiction lies when it comes up with any justification for relapse to PMO. So the question is what comes first; anger toward your spouse, then PMO, or PMO, then anger toward your spouse. PMO is the ultimate escape, and it drastically reduces empathy and sympathy toward your spouse, which in turn creates its own cycle of indifference, distance, and anger. Our spouses can sense when we become desensitized to them, when we look through them, or at them with the thousand yard stare. A porn addict in the midst of using is not all there, the only place that addict is 100% there is in front of a screen with his pants down.

    Prov, you must guard your heart. Understand that addiction is the most jealous lover you will ever take, and it will attempt to estrange you from the things that give you love and life. Hate and death are always jealous of love and life. Our spouses may not say it directly, but what they want, and what they certainly deserve, is to be the object of 100% of our affection. No way they deserve to be competing with the artificially high dopamine buzz porn gives us. It is not just that we don't deserve that lifestyle, but neither do they.

    You are 10 days in. You goal is 30, which is laudable, but 30 won't fix it. 90 might not fix you, but I have never seen a guy get back in control in less than 90, so you need to plan on the hard 90. In your remaining 80 days, you will be tested as you may never have been tested. Prepare yourself, brace yourself. If what has gone on in this forum in the last three days teaches us anything it is that quitting PMO can drive one just as mad as the PMO lifestyle itself. If you have not already, put porn blockers on. Watch the Gary Wilson vid, every day, twice if it helps. Come here and write instead of relapsing. Help others. How do we help ourselves? We help ourselves by helping others. I have absolute confidence in your ability to win this, though it will be hard. You have posted 37 times in this place since joining on April 15. I will be following your progress. Good luck. I'll post this on your other thread too.

    Bill the Kid.
     
  5. This is another thread that I really relate to on this website. I am so glad I joined and I hope to reach my 90 day goal now and be pmo free for life! I notice I get very angry and defensive after I relapse and it is just an overall horrible feeling. I really like your post WilliamOneAndDone it made a lot of sense to me and is very profound. thank you everyone on here this time i will reach 90 days and keep it going for life!
     
    Prov.4:23 likes this.
  6. Steel Fury

    Steel Fury Fapstronaut

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    I don't have a spouse, but I'll add that I've been known to get angry and abrupt with people *before* relapsing as well. It's almost as if there's something in my brain that wants it's dopamine hit NOW, and it doesn't react to kindly to anything or anyone it thinks is standing in the way. It's actually an attitude I've been consciously trying to change in recent months. I'm now telling myself that I need this person/"interruption" around to help me on the nofap journey. It's still a work in progress at this stage, but I think I have made some progress.
     

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