Porn Addiction and HOCD?? HELP!

Hi guys,

Had a really weird wet dream last this morning at around 6.00-6.30 am. It was semi lucid, and I dreamt that someone who I barely know from college was sitting on the chair next to my bed, and that he was telling me hpw he failed everything and was being kicked out. I then came in my boxers. What is weirder is that there was no sex involved as far as I can remember, and that I barely know the guy, much less like him. I'm now worried this was a gay wet dream. What do you think?

 

Thanks SpideyMan.

What is also weird is that I like you am getting more of a rush from men than women at the moment, and don't know if it's anxiety, arousal or what. Before I started porn, and when I was in puberty, this didn't happen. Don't know what's going on right now.

Forgot to say that I was desperate for a pee when I had the wet dream, so could that have had something to do with it?

 

Thanks SpideyMan.

What is also weird is that I like you am getting more of a rush from men than women at the moment, and don't know if it's anxiety, arousal or what. Before I started porn, and when I was in puberty, this didn't happen. Don't know what's going on right now.

Forgot to say that I was desperate for a pee when I had the wet dream, so could that have had something to do with it?

 

Spidey, I find your anecdotes(preferably your first post) to be an Interesting read on how you came to be. Your curiosity embarked you on a journey. During that journey you developed an infatuation. The infatuation being men's Butts. Perhaps it was there all along, and the online imagery merely enhanced the desire. It sounds like you like it. You did say you experience stronger orgasms with it in mind.

Self esteem is basic. Depending on where you are, you can pick that up in the street. Raising your self esteem will compel confidence, which will diminish your nervousness around other Men.

Stay away from porn and do what comes natural to you. In the end, whatever result you may receive, remember, In this world you can only truly be one thing and that's Who-You-Are.

 

^^This is a common mis-conception. Again, down to the fact that onlookers simply do NOT understand HOCD and perceive anyone exhibiting these symptoms are merely in the closet. He doesn't need to accept himself for who he is. And I'm sorry but there's no cat in hell's chance you can go 20 odd years with opposite sex attractions and suddenly turn gay.

As soon as you hit puberty you just know your orientation. What's happening here is an over indulgence in porn has caused his neuro receptors to search for more taboo ways to get off. Sexual arousal is coming in the form of anxiety nothing more.

Let me give you an example, my friend came out to me. This is what he told me, he said everytime he had to have sex with his girlfriend he needed viagra ALL the time. He always had to plan when they had sex because if he didn't he wouldn't be able to take a viagra pill. He always talked of the physical nature of sex... , but he never once talked of the emotional nature. The cuddling, the hand holding, the feeling off loss if she ever left him.

If you ask yourself these questions I bet you will answer NO to every single one. I bet you don't need viagra everytime you have sex with your girlfriend. I bet you've felt an emotional bond you would be scared to lose if she left you.

Take a look at some of the other people's journals, those who identify with gay or lesbian and you will see, none of them fear turning gay. They fear the acceptance. They also talk of how they long for same sex relationships to be normal. They talk emotively regarding genders of the same sex.

Take a look at Jacob's journal (username Anythingispossible), Anne-dauphine's journal, and gayromeo's journal. You will notice the way they emotively describe homosexuality is different from your own experiences.

These characteristics are absent with HOCD sufferers. Keep off porn bro and remember this isn't a quick fix.

Happy Holidays

 

Stay strong SpideyMan, you can get through this. Try to relax and think of other things when you find your mind drifting towards the bad thoughts. I know how bad it is, as every time I see a good looking guy I get that rush, which feels more like panic than arousal, and it's horrible. Before porn, I just saw men as plain and women as sexy, now I have lost most of my attraction to women, and keep questioning if it was even there in the first place, which makes me even feel even worse. I feel for you brother, I really do.

 

Empty Closets is useful for people who are actually gay or bi, as it gives them a place to talk and seek advice, but it is lethal for people like us, because it sends further into a spiral of panic, anxiety, questioning, mental arguing, checking, relief or distress, and repeat over again. I made the mistake of looking at empty closets when I first got this thing, and it made me a hell of a lot worse, so much so that I lost two full weeks of college checking, worrying and checking again. I would spend hours online testing and checking, and would go from 9am to 4pm without noticing, only stopping briefly to eat, and then keeping right on checking.

What made it worse for me is that I was a late developer, so I was even more worried about turning gay/that I had suddenly become gay. It also didn't help that I read an article about physical characteristics of gay men, and I fit some of them. I then read other studies that disproved some of them, so basically gave up and just accepted that many apparently physical attributes are not actually that important.

By masturbating, you a reinforcing the neural pathways and making it worse. I'm not scientific enough to explain it, but read these articles on YBOP and it will explain why PMO is harming your ability to stop and making your HOCD worse.

http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ask-us-iam-attracted-to-gay-transsexual
http://yourbrainonporn.com/straight-men-gay-porn-and-other-brain-map-mysteries
http://yourbrainonporn.com/can-you-trust-your-johnson

I hope this helps, but be careful not to let yourself use these as checking and reassurance tools, as that will also reinforce the cycle of HOCD.

Good luck, and try to chill out, even though I know where you are right now makes feeling chilled out look like and impossible dream.

 

Straight individuals with homosexual OCD experience obsessive fears about the possibility of being gay.

What I've noticed in Spidey's post is that it has gone beyond the fear of being gay. He's not rejecting the thoughts. His mind and body are responding to it in a sexual way. He's thinking about men's Butts and gay sex. Not only is he getting aroused by these thoughts, but he is actually cumming from it. Read his post*

 

Reece83 I understand you're trying to help but your conclusions are anecdotal, sure you could probably say the same about HOCD. You're basing this on the OP acting out same sex sexual fantasies. But this has come about by an escalation of porn usage. Arousal has taken the form of anxiety now rather than sexual arousal.

OP you must understand that PMOing is making your OCDs worse. You think it is providing relief but it is not.

As I said before you need to begin a long reset. It's going to be difficult, and your OCDs will get worse before it gets better. The whole world will doubt you. I'm sorry but this is what is going to happen, you just got to remain positive. This is nothing more than OCD getting you to feel as anxious as possible.

PM if you have any questions man.

 

No there is no such therapy or meds. The only sex therapy is for those addicted to sex. You are addicted to masturbation.

There are drugs to help with your ocd tendencies and it might help alleviate your symptoms and concerns. Your GP or therapist should be able to prescribe you with something.

That along with a good reboot is what is called for, otherwise you will question everything and you know this is ridiculous. Stop worrying, stop researching...

Have a read of the following:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdpK9Y-vrR4

 

Spidey...try not to become obsessed over these feelings. Sometimes the fear and obsession can bring you closer to the edge. Instead of living terrified that you are becoming aroused by this material.... Recognize what it truly is. Your brain is seeking something new to feed the addiction. For many of us as we've become mired in Porn we have needed more shock and more outlandish images to increase the flow of dopamine. I have a friend who is a heterosexual through and through... But his addiction has caused him to hover his mouse over gay links in the past. It's a terrible Pandora's box that wants to put you in a strangle hold. Don't allow it to happen and don't allow the fear of it to control you. You are the one with the power,