Porn addiction has escalated me to extreme content that crosses my boundaries

Hey man,

I feel the same. I have HOCD and my head is so confused now , everyday feel so long and like a chore. I was addicted to porn constantly seeking reassurance, masturbating maybe 2/3 times a day. IEventually I was moving onto some stuff I would’ve previously considered weird and not my thing (cuck, hardcore bdsm, femboy).

I have no attraction to any of these things. This is killing my relationship with my gf because I’m losing my sex drive. Advice I can give is, resist the urges (easier said than done) and if the thoughts come across your mind just shrug them off for now and time should hopefully be the healer
 
BEATINGHOCD said:
Hey bro, I am in the same boat as you and also have HOCD, I’ve been able to get some okay streaks, and I when I relapse, I only watch vanilla and don’t binge. My last relapse was literally to a picture of a milf. I can tell you that so far I’ve noticed a huge increase in my sexual desire for women coming back, and also I’m becoming repulsed by the things I escalated to into porn, and it’s becoming more and more obvious that porn can really twist your sexual tastes into fake things. NoFap and resisting compulsions is key brother, stay strong!
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Hopefully that’s where I’m gonna be. I’ve taken the liberty of blocking any NSFW sites on my phone which should help. It’s crazy how compulsive porn use can warp your mind into being “aroused” by things that would disgust you in the past. I’m taking it one day at a time. I’m determined to get through this so that I can go back to the man I once was.
 
BEATINGHOCD said:
Same here bro. I actually ended up relapsing but I didn’t binge and dude I can’t even tell you how aroused I was by just vanilla content, literally seeing the women taking off her clothes had my jaw dropped. It’s working for me, it’s becoming clear to me, this shit is real fam. I’m disgusted just thinking about the stuff I used to watch and I went on a rookie streak, 10 days without porn, and I feel such a huge difference. I didn’t even feel guilty after the relapse, I was honestly in shock by how aroused I was to something so simple, a women undressing. I also found myself disgusted by seeing the penis as well… porn is some crazy stuff dude.

Have you gotten any good streaks going?
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I’ve actually been 4 days so far. Not much but for me that’s actually an achievement. It’s been hard to avoid relapsing but I’ve been pushing hard not to. I’m glad you’ve been feeling better already!
 
PornHasRuinedMe2255 said:
I’ve been addicted to porn since a very young age. Even as far back in middle school I was already using porn compulsively. I didn’t have many friends and I always stayed in my house which led to doing nothing but watching pornography. Since then I can no longer get off to the thingsthat once got me off. I used to get rock hard just looking at an attractivewoman, but no more. I don’t get morning erections anymore. Myescalation first began by getting intothat step sister shit, then it moved on to BDSM, then anal, then it started to go too far. In the past two years I escalated to Trans porn. This was verydistressing to me because I am a heterosexual man, so the fact that I needed this level of extremity proved how far into addiction I am. If thatwasn’t bad enough I’ve since escalated to full on gay porn. Itstarted with femboy shit, then just kept escalating. The worst part is I can even feel myself getting numb to this. Has anyone else gone throughthis? If so how did you heal, or is iteven possible to get my true sexualityback?
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It literally took me years to realize that my addiction was the one who was pushing me to escalate my boundaries to watching stuff like that. I really struggled with my identity because of how strong my urges were to look at that stuff and the boundaries I crossed. I learned that I’m not “bi”, I’m just an addict who wants to get high. This stuff is extremely powerful. It can easily fool us.
 
PornHasRuinedMe2255 said:
I’ve been addicted to porn since a very young age. Even as far back in middle school I was already using porn compulsively. I didn’t have many friends and I always stayed in my house which led to doing nothing but watching pornography. Since then I can no longer get off to the thingsthat once got me off. I used to get rock hard just looking at an attractivewoman, but no more. I don’t get morning erections anymore. Myescalation first began by getting intothat step sister shit, then it moved on to BDSM, then anal, then it started to go too far. In the past two years I escalated to Trans porn. This was verydistressing to me because I am a heterosexual man, so the fact that I needed this level of extremity proved how far into addiction I am. If thatwasn’t bad enough I’ve since escalated to full on gay porn. Itstarted with femboy shit, then just kept escalating. The worst part is I can even feel myself getting numb to this. Has anyone else gone throughthis? If so how did you heal, or is iteven possible to get my true sexualityback?
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I've been watching this stuff from an early age too (when I was 10 -11) for roughly 5-6 years so I get it, you start with some simple stuff, and then it starts escalating. I remember that at first, I didn't like the oral pleasures type of videos but of course, the more I watched the more extreme it got (more violent). The only thing that helps is to stop watching and practice nofap. I still struggle with nofap but the longer I am on nofap, the better it gets. There's just no other way than to just sit it out and stop watching it.

With your sexuality, I'm no expert but I think it will get back to normal. You got used to watching harder and harder stuff so if you restart your brain, it should probably go back to your original sex. preference. When I was 15, I basically couldn't get off from just a picture and had to watch some weird stuff but now, when I, unfortunately, relapse (its gonna happen) it's usually because of some pictures so your brain will re-sensitives itself.

Stay hard and get through this. Good Luck
 
PornHasRuinedMe2255 said:
I’ve been addicted to porn since a very young age. Even as far back in middle school I was already using porn compulsively. I didn’t have many friends and I always stayed in my house which led to doing nothing but watching pornography. Since then I can no longer get off to the thingsthat once got me off. I used to get rock hard just looking at an attractivewoman, but no more. I don’t get morning erections anymore. Myescalation first began by getting intothat step sister shit, then it moved on to BDSM, then anal, then it started to go too far. In the past two years I escalated to Trans porn. This was verydistressing to me because I am a heterosexual man, so the fact that I needed this level of extremity proved how far into addiction I am. If thatwasn’t bad enough I’ve since escalated to full on gay porn. Itstarted with femboy shit, then just kept escalating. The worst part is I can even feel myself getting numb to this. Has anyone else gone throughthis? If so how did you heal, or is iteven possible to get my true sexualityback?
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If you stick to Nofap im not gonna lie you will find the first week or so hard especially if you haven't been a week without masturbating or watching pornography but as the days and weeks go on you will be one step closer to being free of PMO and its during that time you start to feel confident, start to feel more happy and even if you do get urges and start to feel horny on some days you will realise its not even worth it to watch porn and masterbate. Even I and other Nofappers can agree that you will not want to go back to watching porn and masturbating the further you get into Nofap so good luck man and stay strong you can do this!
 
BEATINGHOCD said:
I’m gonna keep it 100 percent honest, that is not okay.

You NEED to quit, you need to make this your main focus, every time you get an urge, you need to run, go against every fiber in your body if you have too, you need to let your brain heal.

I was doing good for a little, then I relapsed and went into a binge, i PMO’d almost everyday anywhere between 1-4 times, thankfully not to anything extreme, and I didn’t even crave anything extreme, it was just vanilla content, but I think it’s because I previously went on a decent streak, but I started to feel the desensitization again as I was noticing I was getting bored of the vanilla, but thankfully I stopped before I could go any further.

I say this to you because I fell into this binge, and I’ve let myself down, and you’re letting yourself. This reality check was needed for myself, I literally sat myself down for an hour and rethought my whole life, where I wanna be, and how I’m failing myself and all the people that love me.

I have finally gotten myself back into control, and you need to. I’m on day 1, so are you, LETS GO BRO.
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I know man, I'm gonna do better. I owe it to myself and loved ones. It's just like you said relapse once and then end up on a binge, starts with vanilla but quickly goes back to extreme. I put a content blocker on my computer and every device I own now that can access those pages, I really want to get over this.
 
Eddie_Moscone_BB said:
It literally took me years to realize that my addiction was the one who was pushing me to escalate my boundaries to watching stuff like that. I really struggled with my identity because of how strong my urges were to look at that stuff and the boundaries I crossed. I learned that I’m not “bi”, I’m just an addict who wants to get high. This stuff is extremely powerful. It can easily fool us.
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It definitely is powerful. Makes me question and stress over my own identity even though I never had any of these urges prior to porn.
 
OLLIE_100 said:
If you stick to Nofap im not gonna lie you will find the first week or so hard especially if you haven't been a week without masturbating or watching pornography but as the days and weeks go on you will be one step closer to being free of PMO and its during that time you start to feel confident, start to feel more happy and even if you do get urges and start to feel horny on some days you will realise its not even worth it to watch porn and masterbate. Even I and other Nofappers can agree that you will not want to go back to watching porn and masturbating the further you get into Nofap so good luck man and stay strong you can do this!
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Thank you, I'm really trying. It's very hard to get over these hurdles in the beginning since I've been compulsively using porn for so long now but I am going to keep pushing on!
 
Coming back to update this after a month. I wish I had a positive update but I don’t. Life’s been really hard and unfortunately I’ve been using porn to cope. As you can imagine though it doesn’t really do anything but make me feel worse. In the moment you get that temporary high but then it all comes flooding back and you realize what you’ve done. I’m still relapsing to the same intense shit as before. My attraction to the things I was once into had diminished and I’m still getting off to things that don’t reflect my sexuality. (ie. Trans, Gay, Femboy). This just adds increased anxiety as I’m stuck obsessing over it and constantly panicking about how my sexuality has been warped by compulsive porn usage. I need motivation desperately and am in serious need of advice. I hate myself for this
 
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PornHasRuinedMe2255 said:
Coming back to update this after a month. I wish I had a positive update but I don’t. Life’s been really hard and unfortunately I’ve been using porn to cope. As you can imagine though it doesn’t really do anything but make me feel worse. In the moment you get that temporary high but then it all comes flooding back and you realize what you’ve done. I’m still relapsing to the same intense shit as before. My attraction to the things I was once into had diminished and I’m still getting off to things that don’t reflect my sexuality. (ie. Trans, Gay, Femboy). This just adds increased anxiety as I’m stuck obsessing over it and constantly panicking about how my sexuality has been warped by compulsive porn usage. I need motivation desperately and am in serious need of advice. I hate myself for this
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Dont think about categories of p. I did so many mistakes and i guess unfortunately i will - some smoke some watch stupid things. My heart is crying is everyday about this. I hope i would have never done it. Due to gym and vids i ve seen more diks then puccies (on purpose wrong written). But if we stop, we should feel better. Write dm if you want to talk.
 
mrpractical said:
Dont think about categories of p. I did so many mistakes and i guess unfortunately i will - some smoke some watch stupid things. My heart is crying is everyday about this. I hope i would have never done it. Due to gym and vids i ve seen more diks then puccies (on purpose wrong written). But if we stop, we should feel better. Write dm if you want to talk.
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I know I shouldn't focus on the categories too much as it'll make me feel worse but Its hard not too. And thank you, I'll most likely dm sometime tomorrow, for now I'm gonna try to get some sleep.
 
PornHasRuinedMe2255 said:
Months later and I’m unfortunately still struggling with this. I had a good streak going for a while but I ended up giving in and relapsing. My brain is so fucked up from this addiction. It stresses me out so much, I hate it
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just logged in for the first time in awhile, and same bro. I’m so fucked up man. This addiction is literally controlling my life right now. The worst part is I can’t even believe myself anymore when I say I’m going to stop anymore, the hope is gone.
 
Believe2Achieve said:
just logged in for the first time in awhile, and same bro. I’m so fucked up man. This addiction is literally controlling my life right now. The worst part is I can’t even believe myself anymore when I say I’m going to stop anymore, the hope is gone.
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I feel you, and I’m sorry you’re in the same boat. It’s such a terrible cycle to get stuck in. Feels impossible to quit.
 
PornHasRuinedMe2255 said:
I feel you, and I’m sorry you’re in the same boat. It’s such a terrible cycle to get stuck in. Feels impossible to quit.
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Feels impossible, but definitely possible. Keyword is feels because that shows that you know it’s just the feeling, and not a fact.

(from my own experience) It may feel like you’re completely tainted, unworthy of love, corrupted, deviant, broken, and so far gone to the point of no return, but don’t listen to those untrue, intrusive, unwanted thoughts and feelings.

I can understand how you may feel because I’m going through somethings the same/similar as you too just like many of us here.

Porn is a toxic fucking poison. It warps your natural sexual arousal template, distorts your attractions/sexual inclinations, and throws off your own moral compass, values, and beliefs.

Add ocd to the mix (HOCD, and POCD) and that becomes a completely destructive combination to one’s own health in every aspect imaginable.

We got this, never give up. No matter how many times you fall down, no matter how bleak the future may seem, no matter how low you fall and hit those rock bottoms, there will always be light and there will always be a path to freedom, love, happiness, peace, and success. You will always have the choice to course correct. It’s a tough journey, and that path is not linear, but it is your divine right and your free will is to be honoured. We have to be mindful/conscious of our own actions because the consequences/results can either be positive, or negative. Anything involving Pmo, fetish material (ts, traps, group, yada yada all that) sex without love imo, perversions, IS NOT helpful to us and those around us.

Even knowing all that I’ve still managed to relapse countless-countless times, coming here and resetting the counter, journaling about it, saying I’m gonna work harder, saying Im gonna implement strategies but not doing them, or not being disciplined enough to keep them, then escalating, confusing myself, repeating the cycle. You can probably relate.

Wish you the best
 
Son_Of_GodSource said:
Feels impossible, but definitely possible. Keyword is feels because that shows that you know it’s just the feeling, and not a fact.

(from my own experience) It may feel like you’re completely tainted, unworthy of love, corrupted, deviant, broken, and so far gone to the point of no return, but don’t listen to those untrue, intrusive, unwanted thoughts and feelings.

I can understand how you may feel because I’m going through somethings the same/similar as you too just like many of us here.

Porn is a toxic fucking poison. It warps your natural sexual arousal template, distorts your attractions/sexual inclinations, and throws off your own moral compass, values, and beliefs.

Add ocd to the mix (HOCD, and POCD) and that becomes a completely destructive combination to one’s own health in every aspect imaginable.

We got this, never give up. No matter how many times you fall down, no matter how bleak the future may seem, no matter how low you fall and hit those rock bottoms, there will always be light and there will always be a path to freedom, love, happiness, peace, and success. You will always have the choice to course correct. It’s a tough journey, and that path is not linear, but it is your divine right and your free will is to be honoured. We have to be mindful/conscious of our own actions because the consequences/results can either be positive, or negative. Anything involving Pmo, fetish material (ts, traps, group, yada yada all that) sex without love imo, perversions, IS NOT helpful to us and those around us.

Even knowing all that I’ve still managed to relapse countless-countless times, coming here and resetting the counter, journaling about it, saying I’m gonna work harder, saying Im gonna implement strategies but not doing them, or not being disciplined enough to keep them, then escalating, confusing myself, repeating the cycle. You can probably relate.

Wish you the best
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Thank you for this response, I really needed to hear this rn. I'm gonna keep going, I've gone ahead and deleted any porn I had saved which I hope will help.
 
Yup, everybody here knows how deep the rabbit hole goes. I am 32 years old. Been battling this addiction a few years. Now is that I am winning 2-3 week streaks constantly and have been more days without POM than with. Now is the first time I am going for 90 days. When one is down the rabbit hole even 2 days without POM is a miracle. If you need any advice happy to help. The only way is to quit P. It is possible to overcome but it is hard work and takes time. Progress is not linear. Very hard to fight this but is the only way. No point in crying about it or asking why me. Just start quiting P.
 
HustleandMotivate said:
Yup, everybody here knows how deep the rabbit hole goes. I am 32 years old. Been battling this addiction a few years. Now is that I am winning 2-3 week streaks constantly and have been more days without POM than with. Now is the first time I am going for 90 days. When one is down the rabbit hole even 2 days without POM is a miracle. If you need any advice happy to help. The only way is to quit P. It is possible to overcome but it is hard work and takes time. Progress is not linear. Very hard to fight this but is the only way. No point in crying about it or asking why me. Just start quiting P.
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Good luck on going for 90 days. Do you have any advice on how to avoid urges?
 
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