Porn addiction turned into escort browsing addiction

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by petite_mort, Mar 2, 2020.

  1. petite_mort

    petite_mort Fapstronaut

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    Good evening there,

    I've come back from a long journey since I last posted here and I must admit that unfortunately I'm still under the masturbation spell; however, under new circumstances, it developed into something else. Four years ago I got into my first serious relationship which was stormy to begin with (with rape, cheating and emotional abuse coming into play at various stages), and we broke up about a month ago. While the relationship would've most likely crashed because of other factors, the last straw was when my ex-partner found out about my escort-browsing addiction last spring. At some point in the relationship, my porn addiction came back and once I learned about online escorting, I slowly started feeding the addiction off such websites, to the point that at for a good while it almost replaced the porn altogether. My girlfriend forgave me numerous times and tried to make it work out for me, forcing me (thankfully) to go to therapy, but the initial blow coupled with relapses were too much and we logically called it quits. Now I've hit some sort of rock bottom, relapsing increasingly after my moving out to both porn and escort browsing, and although I've gained much knowledge as to why I'm doing this, I feel it's not enough to make me act accordingly.

    I wanted to know if anybody here moved from porn masturbation to escort masturbation and fantasizing, how did you tie the former to the latter in your personal history, what were its dynamics comparatively to porn-induced masturbation and how did you manage to erase it from your life. I feel like I've added another string to the addiction bow and it's bumming me out, and I'm afraid there is space in one's brain to add more, so I'd be happy to get similarly affected people to speak their minds on this particular strand of the infamous addiction that brought us all here.


    Peace
     
    StrudelStuhl likes this.
  2. greenmtnboy

    greenmtnboy Fapstronaut

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    Not unexpectedly, many of the porn actresses make a lot more as escorts. So porn becomes advertising for prostitution. I would consider the consequences. Move a muscle change your thoughts... Get to positive meetings.
     
  3. g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

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    If you watch porn, you feel like your not worthy to fuck the girl you watch. When you fuck an escort, you feel like you can only fuck if you pay for it, you are not worthy in other words.

    All these issues are of unworthiness
     
  4. Chefb87

    Chefb87 Fapstronaut

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    Your story sounds exactly like mine. I started with porn, it then went towards finding those escort browsing sites, which eventually turned into actually going to see one for the first time. Which then turned into seeing many , and in some cases some very threatening, and scary situations. If I had to travel anywhere, as soon as I knew where I was going I would plan. And browse these sites for those cities for months before going. And I would act out on this.
    My addiction came crashing down. When I had got back from NYC and my fiance looked through my phone ( for good reason) and she saw an interaction between me, and a friend about what I was about to do. ( Going to hotel to see pornstar, and how excited I was )
    That was the worse night of my life. And another month after I disclosed everything to her. All of the escorts and tub and tugs and drugs I did with them. The first one being when she was 4 months pregnant with our boy.
    Almost 11 months if not acting out, and hell even touching myself for the most part. It's been challenging to progress. But so worth it. There's a list I made of behavior that is healthy ( outer circle ) things that are not healthy and will bring me to relapse ( middle circle ) and things I consider a relapse (inner) if I go to any of those inner circle behaviour I have to reset my count. In that circle I have " browsing escort sites " it's THAT serious that I don't even go on those sites in the first place.
    My recommendation is to seriously try to see how dangerous of a path you are potentially on. Youve discovered the door from porn to escorts. And you've opened that door. I strongly urge and beg you not to walk into that room .
     
  5. StrudelStuhl

    StrudelStuhl Fapstronaut

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    I have my own story to share about escorts.
    It has always been so difficult to me to talk to girls. In almost every single encounter where I tried things there had been a point where I felt a very strong rush of negative emotions. I simply was unable to move things forward. Instead I either just walked away feeling embarressed or I tried to force myself to go further which always became creepy and so I felt ashamed as well. The most frustrating part: I am good looking. So I can litteraly see all these options but I am unable to act upon them...and feeling the shame again.
    At 21 years old I told myself, if I just had sex and some experience, then the shame and embarressment would go away. So I ordered an escort to a hotelroom and it was awful. I couldn't keep an erection, partly because of my PMO addiction and partly because I didn't find the women attractive. There was absolutely none emotional involvement on my part. No excitement, no hornyness, just flatline.
    When my roommate went abroad for 4 months to study for his master thesis I had an escort in my flat two times. both were good looking, one of them stunning, but the same thing happened again: Couldn't keep an erection, no excitement, no hornyness, just flatline.
    But this was only the beginning. During all this time I was browsing escort apps almost daily and called them pretending to be a client. For some reason it turned me one asking them to take my virginity. I sent them dick pics, sometimes with my face (stupid) because it turned me on, especially when I got a nice answer back. Most obviously just ignored or blocked me. The worst: I paid some via PayPal to have them show me their bodies whilst I jerked off. And they watched me jerking off. When I do this some weird part of me feels empowered but it is so pathetic and outright perverse. I did that so often that some of them screamed at me because they recognized my voice. They called me all the bad names in the book and even threatened me with their pimp or the police because of the pictures. I begged myself multiple times in my diary to stop doing it. But so far I always went back after a while.
    The last time when I visited an escort (so 4 times in total) I had my first orgasm with a woman, that was 3 months ago. She wasn't the most beautiful girl but she seemed genuine and I genuinly liked her for some reason. She cuddled with me. And by now I know what is going on. I am desperate for affection. There is this deep desire of me to be intimate with someone who genuinely cares. Talking about virginity with those women and sending them dick pics turns me on because that part of me wants to be loved for what he actually is. I watched a random interview a few of days ago about a girl that quited escort services. She said there were two sorts of guys visiting her: The ones that just saw her as an object for sex and the ones who craved actual intimacy, affection and love.
    I will never be or feel loved by using escorts. I will never experience intimacy that way. Just as no one will ever experience sex by watching porn. It is a lie I keep telling myself subconciously. The same lie I feel like the whole escort and porn industry is based upon. The same lie we here on this forum want to be unmasked as such. Everyone who reads this: I strongly urge you to never use any escorts services ever. There is only pain for you disguised by surperficial pleasure.
    I have to reset my counter now.
     
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  6. Moon Shard

    Moon Shard Fapstronaut

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    Wtf I have no judgment over porn addiction and escorts, but how dare you treat your woman and child like shit. It’s awful like it’s you have zero remorse in that post. I think being a dirty cheater and your bad friend are your biggest problems. Grow up, there’s zero excuses to cheat. It doesn’t take much effort to fap from a compulsion, but it’s a conscious decision and it takes effort to go out and cheat. Ditch the friend for excusing your behavior, and shape up because I’m sure the mom will tell her son the reason why she left you if she hasn’t already.
     
  7. Hey, I see you have a clear stance there and seem to know what is morally ok and what is not. I understand you are angry. This forum here is for helping all to open up and talk, share, come out of shame and guilt. You shouting at him:

    “... but how dare you treat your woman and child like shit. It’s awful like it’s you have zero remorse in that post. I think being a dirty cheater and your bad friend are your biggest problems. Grow up, there’s zero excuses to cheat.“

    and threatening

    „... because I’m sure the mom will tell her son the reason why she left you if she hasn’t already.“

    is not helpful even if you mean well. No one here on Nofap, IMO, is really in the position to throw stones at others ;).

    He shared part of his story and ends it with urging the other not to walk through that door, i.e. not to do the same as he did.

    „Youve discovered the door from porn to escorts. And you've opened that door. I strongly urge and beg you not to walk into that room .“

    That shows he is well aware of what he did hurt others. Above all we hurt ourselves. As long as we‘re addicted, we have no choices. The addiction is the Dictator.

    We‘re all here cause we are remorseful, cause we have regrets, cause we realized we have a problem, cause we want to work on ourselves, cause we want to stop hurting others. Help him to heal.
     
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2020
  8. alexg1709

    alexg1709 Fapstronaut

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    Same thing has happened to me too.

    This addiction we are trying to beat is very sneaky and can manifest in many other behavioural aspects.

    In recovery you have to fight all urges that could lead you back to old destructive ways.
     
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  9. hollyman

    hollyman Fapstronaut

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    yeps its escalate from no porn to search escorts...

    in my experience and i experienced it right know....is to listen or attend an religious speak......

    it helped me to realize that we people are gona die someday and every sin is count ... being virgin at this age is frusstating not to mention i must absence to any form of porn.... its frustasing but i believe it will last forever someday somehow that frustating thing's will be nowhere... so i wont escalate it to prostitute and since prostitute nowaday full of human traficking, forced, kidnaped woman.... i dont want to envolve myslef on that tho
     
  10. Moon Shard

    Moon Shard Fapstronaut

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    “When I had got back from NYC and my fiance looked through my phone ( for good reason) and she saw an interaction between me, and a friend about what I was about to do. ( Going to hotel to see pornstar, and how excited I was )”

    I’m sorry but who expresses excitement about failing if it was “due to addiction”? He’s cheating because he wants to, not because he can’t control himself. It’s obvious.
     
  11. What about some reflection on your own behavior here? Never lied? Always honest? Pure? Clean? Better than him? Perfect? Ok, then throw your stones ;)
     
  12. CodeTalker

    CodeTalker Fapstronaut

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    I totally understand why you are angry. But I can tell you that strong addiction can trick your mind. In my case, at some point I wanted to buy a sex doll, and I tricked my mind with countless good (bad) reasons to buy one. This lasted for months. But in the meantime I still wanted to stop pmo.
    i knew how messed up it would be to buy that doll but as soon as those thoughts appeared, I threw them far away.

    I may be wrong, but he could be tricked the same way. Not thinking about how he hurts his wife and kid, and just focusing on the goal of seeing an escort. Not seeing that like cheating because he still loves his wife. But he got lost.
     
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  13. Moon Shard

    Moon Shard Fapstronaut

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    I’m not the one with a problem here, I’m here for my partner. I never cheated on him or betrayed him so there’s zero comparison between me and a person that keeps paying random people to fuck. This is a forum to support those with PORN ADDICTION. He has a separate problem that he needs to address with professionals.
     
  14. Glad to hear you have no problems and glad to hear your partner has someone at his side who supports him. I see, no need to reflect your behavior and of course you are fully entitled to condemn others, even if you don‘t know them let alone their full story. A puzzle can consist of a thousand pieces, you heard maybe 5 of them. But hey ... walk around with your judging stick and hit everyone except porn addicts for being on the wrong platform. Shame on them. How dare they come here, Good you know what he needs. You can be lucky your partner is just a porn addict.
     
  15. domsi

    domsi Fapstronaut

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    Moon Shard, youre angry at your partner for having a porn addiction, but dont let your anger out on a different person whos seeking help for themselves.
     
  16. alexg1709

    alexg1709 Fapstronaut

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    Since you have no problems and are here to support someone maybe you should keep your opinions to yourself and just read posts without commenting. YOU do not seem to have any understanding or concept on what addiction is.

    Addiction is addiction be it drugs PORN gambling etc.

    As addicts people do all kind of messed up things and when they build up courage to speak about their issues and seek advice the last thing they need to see is some 19 year old still wiping her nose judging them about their actions.
     
  17. T-1000

    T-1000 Fapstronaut

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    I can deeply relate, I have seen escorts off/on since my early 20's, I even lost my virginity to one. I don't think I've ever had a good sexual experience with one, I have either been too drunk, had troubles keeping an erection or both. I recently broke a dry streak of 2-3 years by seeing one and I couldn't keep it up it was embarrassing, I couldn't tell if it was a mixture of alcohol, not being that attracted to her or PIED, though I think all three were a factor I think pornography is the worst of it, it just desensitizes you too much. Sometimes I feel like I should see an escort as no woman would want to be date a guy who is useless in bed which I currently am, especially one in his early 30's but then I can' t get it up anyway so may as well just stick to nofap and see what happens, either way...haven't been an overall joyful experience for me.
     
  18. Booksandtrees

    Booksandtrees Fapstronaut

    Some very powerful stories here. Thank you all for being so open and helpful. I wish you all strong recoveries.
     
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