Porn and my Struggles with my Sexuality

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by c26, May 10, 2020.

  1. c26

    c26 Fapstronaut

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    I was first exposed to P at around the age of 10. I was insecure about myself and thought that by looking up pictures of guys I would learn if I was truly normal or not - I grew up without a father figure so the internet was my only hope. Being exposed to this stuff at a young age definitely had an effect on me, because by the time I began puberty (at around 12-13), I started M-ing to stuff that was familiar to me. 6-7 years later (about 3 of which I've tried to quit) and not much has changed.

    I have only been interested that one feature of guys (I'll keep it somewhat SFW so you can guess what that is), and nothing else, therefore I have always considered myself straight. My online sexual orientation is different than my real-life one. However, I recently read stuff online about if you think this way you may be an "internalized homophobe" so I thought I may be gay after all and decided to meet with a guy on Grindr. All I can say is that fantasizing about it was a million times better than it was in real life... I hated every moment of it, and couldn't even perform.

    So experimenting helped me understand my true sexuality, however weeks later I'm still addicted to the same stuff. Little has changed.

    Has anyone else ever dealt with anything similar? Please feel free to add your own experiences!

    Thanks in advance to anyone reading this.
     
  2. AJ0078

    AJ0078 Fapstronaut
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    Hey man,
    Thank you for sharing.

    I experienced a similar thing. I have of course chosen NoFap as my life no matter how many times I fall; but, when I did watch p, I would look up what you described also. Now, as an eighteen year-old young man, I realized I might be bisexual. That may not be the case for you because everyone is different. It was difficult for me to accept at first. Yet, I'm not too concerned with "the extent of my bisexuality" since I now know I'm just attracted to solid, beautiful human beings who are also on their purpose.

    The only advice I can give is: don't categorize yourself so much. You are who you are. Don't worry about what the world will label you, because you will always have people who dislike you for who you are no matter how you categorize yourself. Different people are into different people and different things. All I can say is, focus on getting out there and doing what truly makes you happy, and do your love thing only with someone truly special to you.

    Bottom line, just be you man.

    Peace to you,
    AJ
     
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  3. c26

    c26 Fapstronaut

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    Hi AJ, thanks for the response. I think that is a good way to approach things - a pursuit of happiness. I find myself miserable sometimes not knowing who I am... I guess that’s just part of the process!

    best,
     
  4. c26

    c26 Fapstronaut

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    Hi Rubicon,

    That is exactly what I have been experiencing! I do (only) have romantic interest in the opposite sex (all my crushes have been females), I just have never had the sexual desire or confidence to go after them. This (your) post is just what I needed to give me the courage to proceed with nofap. Let’s hope this works!

    Thanks a lot!
     
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  5. marekasap

    marekasap Fapstronaut

    do you imagine to wake up with the girl next to you or a man?
    when you pass hot girl do you look after her or handsome guy?

    If both answers towards you to a girl then you have your answer. I also did the same as you and yes, the fantasy is much much better than reality. Stop watching porn and you will see first beenfits after 30 days. I did that and i can confirm it helps
     
  6. c26

    c26 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the input. I definitely have decided to aim for the 90 days of no PMO. Clearly my brain has been screwed up from nearly a decade of continued porn use. Although my current best is only 7 days, I am certain that by staying active in the forum I can make it much further and hopefully help others who struggle with the same thing.

    Thanks to everyone who has responded to my post. I love the nofap community and how encouraging it is!
     
    AJ0078 likes this.
  7. AJ0078

    AJ0078 Fapstronaut
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    Absolutely! And I echo everyone here as well. Pornography warps your brain in ways you don't expect. Staying away from pornography (and masturbation) IS the best for your overall health as a being.

    You've got this.
    Stay well,
    AJ
     
    c26 likes this.
  8. RubiconZ

    RubiconZ Fapstronaut

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    There are many many posts on this forum about people who have developed fetishes for taboo interests as a result of watching too much porn. Even just the image of the opposite sex naked is initially something taboo and this is part of what excites us. If we break down that taboo entirely using porn, our brain will look for the next taboo thing to be curious about, even if it is something that repulses us in reality.
     
    c26 likes this.

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