Porn and the feeling of separation

Something Ive realised from my own experiences and from the work I do with homeless people/ addicts. That at the very core of all these ailments, whether its porn or drugs or gambling, the story is the same: That feeling of being seperate. Or the feeling of not being loved. I know theres a lot of married guys on here and you might argue that theyre not seperate because theyre married, but even marriage doesnt protect against that feeling. And from what ive learned its something that comes from childhood. Parents who were incapable of giving unconditional positive regard, which is what every child needs in order to thrive. In a lot of cases parents did their best but even so something crucial was missing and when thats the case as kids grow to adults they feel that emptiness inside them acutely and come up with ways to fill the hole. This is where addiction comes in. Porn isnt the problem, neither is drugs or alcohol. The problem is people looking to fill a void in ways that dont work. Look at Elvis. He ballooned to 20st and was a drug addict by the end of his life. He used food and drugs to fill that hole but all they did was kill him. Marlon brando the same. Marlyn monroe had a tragic upbringing and ending up killing herself because she couldnt bear the pain of seperation she felt.
From the people ive encountered though the answer seems to be a spiritual one more than anything else. That there does not exist a person who can give you what you missed as a child. And all you can do is grieve your losses and face the pain of that loss and from there just let go of control and trust you will be healed. Trying to control pmo by taking cold showers or using porn blockers or counters doesnt work. Thats control. Letting go and having the courage to face whats really behind the behavior is what ultimately works. The sense of separation is something that is unbelievably painful but the truth is we're all connected and we're never alone really........some people, like marlyn monroe take their own lives because they feel alone in the world, but if marilyn had realised the truth she might be still alive today. Its scary to face that feeling of seperation but if you face it without a crutch like porn or drugs or even marriage, then on the other side of that pain is real lasting freedom.

 

Yeah I was reluctant to say the God word because I know some people are instantly put off by the very idea. Personally its what I believe, even though its not what i believed before all of this. As the saying goes, there are no athetists in fox holes........but for the word God you can sub in the universe or nature or the Tao or whatever. But there is a restoritive power at work in the universe, whatever you wish to name it, its all the same.