Low_Key_zone
Fapstronaut
It's been 3 years since i started using blockers to prevent me from betraying myself, but they don't really seem to work.
I always find myself deactivating them so that i'll be able to relapse with unrestricted access.
I think it has more to do with me than with the actual blockers, because even if i lose their password, i can still uninstall them in order to relapse, that actually happened once.
I heard that you actually have to "install blockers in your head" so that you won't relapse because you are your main weapon.
Kind of like how a bird rests upon a branch, but if the branch falls, the bird still got its own wings to avoid falling too.
The bird doesn't depend on something external because it has its own weapon against those tragedies.
The only thing is: i could never become strong enough to fly by myself. I always had to rely on something beyond myself for those difficult times.
I still got a blocker on my desktop, two on my browser and even two others on my cellphone, because it's still an extra help, but yet it should not be the only thing.
You know, i'm impressed on how i keep treating this whole situation as if it would somehow solve itself. Everytime i realpse i think:
"I can either stop every single task that need to get done today and start planning on how i could stop relapsing"
"Or i can keep doing what i usually do and hope that it'll give me the discipline i need, which can only be acquired by hard work, to get through this addiction"
Neither of those has worked so far. I had days where i would be the whole day long planning for those emergency moments of relapse and on the next day there was another failure...
Also, i tried to work twice as hard to prove myself that i can be a great person, but then eventually i failed once again.
I just ran out of ideas, it feels like i've tried everything but nothing has worked.
I always find myself deactivating them so that i'll be able to relapse with unrestricted access.
I think it has more to do with me than with the actual blockers, because even if i lose their password, i can still uninstall them in order to relapse, that actually happened once.
I heard that you actually have to "install blockers in your head" so that you won't relapse because you are your main weapon.
Kind of like how a bird rests upon a branch, but if the branch falls, the bird still got its own wings to avoid falling too.
The bird doesn't depend on something external because it has its own weapon against those tragedies.
The only thing is: i could never become strong enough to fly by myself. I always had to rely on something beyond myself for those difficult times.
I still got a blocker on my desktop, two on my browser and even two others on my cellphone, because it's still an extra help, but yet it should not be the only thing.
You know, i'm impressed on how i keep treating this whole situation as if it would somehow solve itself. Everytime i realpse i think:
"I can either stop every single task that need to get done today and start planning on how i could stop relapsing"
"Or i can keep doing what i usually do and hope that it'll give me the discipline i need, which can only be acquired by hard work, to get through this addiction"
Neither of those has worked so far. I had days where i would be the whole day long planning for those emergency moments of relapse and on the next day there was another failure...
Also, i tried to work twice as hard to prove myself that i can be a great person, but then eventually i failed once again.
I just ran out of ideas, it feels like i've tried everything but nothing has worked.
