Porn changes our partners view of women

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by MidnightOwl, Oct 11, 2019.

  1. MidnightOwl

    MidnightOwl Fapstronaut

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    Before my partner viewed porn he was so loving & gentle. Now I find he's rough & doesn't have that loving touch. It's like we've turned into objects that mean nothing
     
    Suk likes this.
  2. fadedfidelity

    fadedfidelity Fapstronaut

    Yep. All of us SO here know this all too well. Porn addicts have no souls and treat women like shit. No emotion, no empathy, nothing. Just empty shells with anger and lust. All of them trying to numb some fucked up part of themselves without actually getting help to fix it. All the while they just blame us and ruin everyone else’s lives around them. The wife and the children suffer, as does the home. The wife gets depressed and overwhelmed of not having a present partner. Then the kids get neglected and know things are off. The house goes to shit with weeds and the lawn not getting kept. The wife cannot help a PA and keep up with everything else. This PA stuff is total bullshit.
     
  3. MidnightOwl

    MidnightOwl Fapstronaut

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    Tell me about it. My pa is 50 days free atm ( I hope ) & still i feel ugly & unwanted. The sight of me does absolutely nothing for him anymore. The only thing he has suffered is pied & dgs. Obviously self inflicted. Us SO have done nothing wrong & somehow during all of this were meant to applaud so many days free? While we suffer mentally with rejection daily , watching the men we fell in love with totally & utterly change with no care in the world. While we try to hold everyone else together.
     
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  4. budvap

    budvap Fapstronaut

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    It is individual and may depend on how deep in his addiction your partner is. But I would see your words are too much... Don't you really see any single point where your husband has soul, loves you, has emotions, empathy, anything?

    I feel very responsible for what I have done to my wife and we speak very openly. But I and she as well see also many bright and noble moments in our lives. The sad truth is that they are not enough as they should normally be, indeed.

    I do not know your situation so your marriage may be that miserable. But if it is eventually not, with these thoughts you only hurt yourself more than necessary, don't you?

    This, I completely agree with, though :(
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2019
  5. hope4healing

    hope4healing Fapstronaut

    First, I think most marriages that include an active PA are miserable, although some more than others. I don't know of a single marriage that improved in quality because one of them continued farther into the addiction. Along with the steady decline comes the realization for the SO that their partner is losing/has lost the ability to express emotions, show empathy, and sometimes they are no longer able to treat their SO decently. From the SO's side, there are times when it truly does seem like they've even lost their soul. When you watch someone you love (and who supposedly loves you) evolve from a kind, thoughtful, gentle person into a selfish, heartless PA, it is not your thoughts that are hurting you...it is the reality of living with a PA that inflicts the pain and damage, and pretending everything is ok does not make it different.
     
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  6. budvap

    budvap Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your reply. I was thinking it over and I must admit that’s true. Our inner perspective of ourselves (PA partners) is so much different from the reality! It is, perhaps, common to all addictions. PA is bit trickier since it is not so apparent from outside especially to those who do not share the everyday live with us. So we do not hear from others “look at yourself, you should do anything about it”.

    I never declined my responsibility for my PA, yet I am slowly accepting its full extent. You, SOs who participate on this forum, are helpful in that process. Thank you all for sharing!

    ps I spoke to my wife and she said, yes we had some good moments in our marriage but these were usually when you (mean I) was not into “it” (fortunately there were some periods). She said she does not remember any good moment during last three years (when my PA along with my associated workaholism went through the roof). THREE YEARS! :(
     
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  7. Suk

    Suk Fapstronaut

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    Exactly, thank god i thought i was the only one who felt this way. Hi, I'm 19 and I'm currently quitting my porn addiction, it's been 18days without a single relapse and I'll quit porn for sure, so i love my girl and she likes rough sex(kinda sex we see at hardcore porn) but i can't love her like that, i just can't...it feels like I'm disrespecting the woman i love, any ideas on how to meet midway on this with her?
     
  8. budvap

    budvap Fapstronaut

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    Hi,

    your post is a bit of puzzle to me… The original topic here is that P-addicted partners stop treating their spouses with respect and intimacy. But what you are saying is that you are quitting your PA and YOU want to treat your girlfriend with respect and intimacy but SHE does not like it this way (in bed) and prefers rough sex.

    - Has she been always showing these preferences or did it shift during your relationship?
    - Did you like it this (rough) way when you were on PA and you got somewhat disgusted as you quitted?
    - Do you think your girlfriend is PA, too?

    I am happy to take this discussion further but I am afraid that doing so may shift this thread out of its original topic. You may rather consider starting your own thread in the Rebooting in a Relationship section (but I am not the OP here).
     
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  9. Suk

    Suk Fapstronaut

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    Hello, but I'm currently new here so couldn't figure out where to state this problem....
    1)I don't know if this has always been her preference or changed after she got into a relationship
    2) Even when i was addicted to porn(still am, it's been 18 days on NoFap)i didn't like rough sex at all cz i feel like it's degrading, might hurt her too. I used to watch hardcore porn and i thought that's how you love and please your partner so that thought drastically changed when we had sex for the first time and it was totally different with kisses and hugs and lots of affection
    3)She watches porn but I'm not sure if she is an addict or not
     
  10. budvap

    budvap Fapstronaut

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    OK, I really do not want to spam this thread with our conversation, however interested I am in it ;)

    If you want, please go to Rebooting in a Relationship section, and click on the big red button "Post new thread" on the top of the page. Then please post a link to your new thread here as reply to this post (so I will get an alert that you have replied).

    Sounds OK to you? :)

    EDIT:

    For those interested, we continue here...
     
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2019
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