Porn, drugs, Vr & Toxic creativity

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by area51x, May 21, 2020 at 12:24 PM.

  1. area51x

    area51x Fapstronaut

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    Porn addiction had a particular hold on me as a creative individual. Going from ready made to customized scenes via photoshop/A.I./VR/compositing/3d/splash screens, etc. You name it. Modern fantasy warfare. Compare making a make a simple loaf of bread to elaborating multi level stacked cakes. Creativity may become a bad, self-harming quality, add in use of drugs to amplify the fapping a.k.a "purposely loosing my mind", bordering giving myself a custom MK-utra brainwash job. When i stopped this practice i felt dizzy & nauseous just looking at plain erotic picture galleries as maturbation had become a traumatic mind warping drug ladened event. There is also the addiction of creativity in itself & the anticipation of the orgasm which has been set up & crafted like a firework waiting to be lit. Quite the work of the devil's idle hands. Note that i am an atheist & on my 8th month of ascetic practice of zero orgasm. I put a stop on something that had reached ridiculous levels, specially because of drugs. It had become so toxic it was suicidal to continue. Am in a safe Spirit Detox zone at the moment & have a normal apprehension of the future.
     
    Last edited: May 21, 2020 at 2:38 PM
  2. area51x

    area51x Fapstronaut

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    No replies this forum is pretty stale. Guess guilt ridden, feeling too guilty to look in people's eyes virgin christians is what most this site is about...
     
  3. Indurian

    Indurian Fapstronaut

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    Well done getting free from it. You would probably be best to post this under the success stories section. There will no doubt be people in need of your help who are in the same situation you were. 8 months is great, keep it up my friend
     
    area51x and NamaClature14 like this.
  4. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    First of all, not everyone on here is religious. If you want to blame the lack of (quick enough) reply on something that is also a kind of toxic creativity not based on reality - or strictly speaking an exaggeration of reality perhaps juxtaposed with your identity as an atheist.

    People of course say this from time to time that creativity could be negative, but strictly speaking the quality ITSELF is neutral - it depends on what you apply it towards. Someone who is physically strong could use that strength to destroy or build things. If someone cannot express creativity except in a pathological negative way, then it would be more accurate to say their creativity is controlled by that tendency and in effect does not end up being very creative at all. In a more general way we can say perhaps the creative impulse is not as strong as the will to fap, or the two are not working together but one is dominated by the other when the healthy dynamic is arguably the other way around - which would mean the mind is not always focused on sex.
     
  5. area51x

    area51x Fapstronaut

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    Indurian:
    Thanks i appreciate your responses. Makes me feel less lonely with this very private problem. Sorry for being a bit provoking by picking on virgin christians, seeking to provoke attention.
    Awdoublesaid:
    Thanks for shedding such an original light on the situation, that is refreshing. It's true it's a waist & would be the other way around in a balanced state. All i was expressing is the "double" addictive power of perversion wizardry. The things i spoke of are only the future of porn which will make it even more addictive...
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2020 at 8:54 PM
  6. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    I don't know how you read "pathological" as condescending because it was neither personal (why I said "if someone" which doesn't include just you) nor saying addicted people as a group are to be looked down to. The point of course is we are not just one or the other quality, this behavior whether it takes the form of graphics, writing (even if it's in a chat room as some on here have done) or whatever is a mix of both and we can distinguish and separate out the creativity. The creative part is obvious valuable and we can use it for non-porn entertainment to do great things.
     
  7. area51x

    area51x Fapstronaut

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    i had re-wrote that post with a more civilized manor. I'm sorry you had to read that. i'm sorry. Thanks for your attention. I waisted so much time that is right i actually failed my school year because of my zeal, not funny. I made a donkey of myself. Wacking off like a jerk instead of studying. i am full of regret although i kind of had fun
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2020 at 11:10 PM
    Indurian likes this.
  8. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    No worries you still got those skills which can be used for valuable things to improve your life.
     

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