Porn feels like a demon that I can never get to leave.

Fight the Good Fight

  1. I feel empty, scared, sad and hopeless about everything in life. Porn is this demon holding me back taking over me and has been my whole life, the only difference now is I see it as pure evil and desperately need it out of my life to grow, but don't know how I can do this as nothing has worked. Don't ever give PMO a chance, if you do it will run a mile with you down to hell.

    Here is a little poem I wrote about the core essence of porn and addiction:

    Porn is a drug,
    it is a demon,
    it is there to destroy and take your soul,
    the more you indulge the greater the pull,
    and all that follows is nothing but despair
    I suppose it all begins with outlook and care


    Honest Confession: Sick of feeling like a dang junkie with no control or choice whatsoever. Considered suicide a few times, as the pain of life is already challenging enough, but add the bad that PMO brings and it all feels genuinely impossible. I always believed I had something wrong with me as I've always had brain fog, but now that I reflect I believe it to be the PMO abuse I've put myself through from all these years. Grew up raising myself with no emotional support from parents, only financial - so this meant years of isolation with bits of family interaction at times.

    Not sure about you guys, but I can barely last a day without thinking and doing something sexual. Perhaps I need to find a way to reduce my sex drive? I've been thinking about this strategy and feel it could work... Exercising being one of them. Even if I'm not overwhelmed and stressed I fap away as if it's some atomically undeniable indulgence human can't escape - but I can't do this anymore, I just can't as it is negatively affecting me and others I care about. You know you are addicted when despite negative consequences you keep indulging even when feeling like a complete outcast to this world - we all want an escape, we all want to be loved, we all want to be at peace - porn does not bring any of these, and never will, it does not have the capacity to do so.

    No words seem to help drive this sickness away, which makes sense as the only way of change is through honest care, thought, and action.

    *Any advice is much appreciated, thank you for taking the time to read up to this point, as I understand you can be doing so many things with your time.
     
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2021
    deepanshu___2 and Azzure like this.
  2. Thanks for posting, I appreciated reading it. I can feel your pain and frustration. I can also relate. You’re not alone. We are all able to connect in some way or another to what you’ve said. What made you decide to post in this forum, would you feel comfortable sharing a bit about your ‘church journey’? Are you a new convert to the church or were you raised in the church from birth? I’d be interested to hear your conversation story, only if you feel comfortable to share it. I’m glad you’re here. There must be so many other brothers and sisters wandering out there feeling exactly like you and I.
     
    NebulousRiver likes this.

  3. Thank you for responding, nice to see someone cares.

    Raised in the church, fought it in my younger days as I didn't understand or see any value in it (literally locked myself in the bathroom to avoid going). Around 17 or so I started going willingly and actually enjoying it, went to seminary, etc. I'm 24 now, and am inactive but am very spiritual and believe in God and many of the teachings that the church has to offer.

    However, I'd always fall back and indulge in lust despite being in a decent environment with parents that may say they love you, but only show it through financial means. Hmm, perhaps it was a severe lack of emotional support and guidance from my parents that partially led me down this path as never facing issues. Life is stressful for everyone, just in different ways. School was unpleasant, while having next to no friends and feeling like an alien to the world, totally out of place and awkward. I never got the proper emotional treatment, so I soaked all my pain in porn. I remember going home from school, locking my door, isolating, and doing you know what for hours. :/ That would become a daily occurrence while progressively getting worse and worse, and the has been my reality for about 15 years of my life. Gee, what a long time to be a prisoner...

    For as long as I know I've been hooked - don't think I've met my true self now that I think of it (that is quite sad). Hopefully I can be free of this one day, but I just can't imagine no longer being victim to this disease as it's now a part of me.
     
    Azzure likes this.
  4. @NebulousRiver, thank you for sharing. From one brother, who has struggled with escaping the porn trap, to another brother, I just want to say that you are not a sad case for being ‘hooked’ for so long. You are of infinite worth to your Heavenly parents despite what you do or how you feel about what you’ve done or haven’t done. I’m really sorry you isolated yourself in your room all those times. I love how you can see in hindsight that you were a prisoner. You have become more self aware, good on you brother. Keep to this frame of mind and you will break totally free. This is our hope. This is our plan. We’ve got this brother.

    It’s time to more on and leave that pathetic part of ourselves behind. We are better than that. We have divinity flowing through our blood. It doesn’t matter how many times you’re attending church or not. What’s most important is your relationship with your Saviour. It’s paramount if you want to rise above the traps and trouble of this world.

    I’m also sorry you feel that way towards your parents. Are you living with them now or have you moved on?
     
  5. I appreciate the understanding @Azzure :)

    "You are of infinite worth to your Heavenly parents despite what you do or how you feel about what you’ve done or haven’t done." - This really warms my heart.

    "We have divinity flowing through our blood."- We do indeed, such a cool way of saying it. Sometimes we may not see it due to darkness overshadowing us.

    Also, isn't our relationship with God / Heavenly Father the most important? I don't truly understand when people say "Jesus saved me" - wouldn't it be Heavenly Father? I do understand that Jesus is someone we can be inspired by from example, but to rely on as well? But then again there is the Trinity, which consists of God the Father, The Son, and The Holy Ghost. What exactly is The Son's role?

    I'm currently living with my brother in a different state, it's been going much better.
     
    Azzure likes this.
  6. Hey brother, you asked what the Son's role is. Well, I'm learning that the answer to your question is contained within a scripture found in John 8:32.
    I believe the Son's role is to set us free. He frees us from physical death, and from spiritual death. These two things we can not overcome on our own.
     
  7. scramento.bob95

    scramento.bob95 Fapstronaut

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    I too struggle with sexual thoughts and urges everyday. At least for me exercising and doing chores clear my mind. I don't know of any magical way to make those thoughts go away. I think the best thing we can do is take it one day at a time and remember the atonement of Jesus Christ can heal all things accord to God's time. Just remember your not alone.
     
    Azzure likes this.

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