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Porn has caused my relationship to brake down

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Almost lost, Mar 31, 2020.

  1. Almost lost

    Almost lost Fapstronaut

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    30y old male
    I ued to use porn at least 1 mayve twice a day

    This use has wired my brain in such a way that the desire has dropped off my relationship and i may have lost my girlfriend because of this and my lies

    Day 1
     
    blacklabel92 and Helluvanight like this.
  2. blacklabel92 likes this.
  3. Almost lost

    Almost lost Fapstronaut

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    Back again. I'm still falling into distrucctive cycles.

    Its like I'm on automatic. I have a morbid curiosity about women that I can't shake staring at them all parts of them. Manly new and novel women to me

    This has happened to me while around my current /may be soon to be ex girlfriend
    1 at New years eve I was caught staring at a girl at a party
    2 on the beach in mid June again staring at a woman and her big boobs
    3 in a pub on a night out
    4 the following day
    5 at the beach again
    6 with her new house mate

    All this revolves around New women. None of which I wanted to be physically active with or was really sexually excited about but I couldn't stop staring at the has my brain being conditioned from years of porn to look at women this way

    My current status with porn is NoFap for 4 days a relapse after a good few months.
    I would watch softcore no penatration porn and images almost daily.

    This comes along with a big addiction to technology mainly YouTube which consumes my life and limits my social interaction
     
    blacklabel92 likes this.
  4. Almost lost

    Almost lost Fapstronaut

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    Anyone help me with this

    How do I fully retrain my brain
     
    blacklabel92 likes this.
  5. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    You quit looking at porn and masturbating.
     
    blacklabel92 and thikk like this.
  6. Actions. Make actual physical motions towards what you want. When you have these moments of clarity, get as much physically accomplished toward your goal as possible. Literally, make a choice and immediately take action or its going to go limp like a log of throwaway thoughts in your mind. Porn cheapens your thoughts, and in my experience you devalue your own thoughts after you become aware of deviating from your true values. The more you distance from your real ideals and goals, the less you give merit to your choices, thoughts, ideas, and you become a rag doll to outside manipulative forces such as advertisers, porn, your mothers incessant nagging, your boss calling you a bum. Etc.

    Youtube problem? Call your internet provider to block the youtube server (this is possible right?). Porn problem? Have them block adult sites. Get rid of your computer, get a dumb phone, throw the tv or monitor away. What really holds you back from sacraficing these things that are hurting you and sabotaging your goals? How badly do you really want to recover your functioning, your relationship, or your integrity? This is no passive decision to make. You are either serious or not. Treat it like a life of death situation. What will it take??
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 4, 2020
    blacklabel92, Almost lost and thikk like this.
  7. Almost lost

    Almost lost Fapstronaut

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    Right lads I'm 8 days in no pmo.

    My head is fried I seam to be constantly tired and I've being dreaming of women the last 2 nights.

    Does anyone know what is happening to me.

    Is this normal
     
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  8. Almost lost

    Almost lost Fapstronaut

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    Right. Hands up I fucked up majorly

    I resorted to porn and lied to my now ex-girlfriend for over 2 months. I've restarted today at day 0.
    We have just broke up today and to be honest im just as horny as all hell my past 2 relationships have both been strained when it came to sex. Through my use of porn and incompatibility on sexual levels between us. So it has been 4 years since I have had got steamy sex with a woman who desires it. To be honest I do not even want porn in my life. I feel ashamed for what I have done to this poor girl I have left her scared for life.

    By lying to her over time I have broken her trust
    My tech addiction has made my eq very small and I find it hard to deal with people.

    I have been staring at women like objects during our relationship.

    In summary I fucked up badly and I could do with some support.

    At this time im just horny and want some hot steamy sex
     
    Kingler and blacklabel92 like this.
  9. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    I doubt you’re horny. You use sex to deal with all of your emotions so you mistake those emotions for being horny. It’s very common. Now would be a good time to do 90 days hard mode. Hot steamy sex. What about love, connection, intimacy? How many more woman do you want to destroy along with yourself, because you won’t face your addiction and do the work it requires to get into recovery. The lies you tell yourself so that you give yourself permission to continue in addiction, there’s a thread about that on @ElderStatesman journal. Best time to end this addiction is now. Otherwise you’re going to wake 30 years from now an wonder wth you’ve done.
     
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  10. blacklabel92

    blacklabel92 Fapstronaut

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    Lies usually fuck up any relationship bro. Id steer clear of em. I know its hard to tell the truth all the time and accept the consequences but the lie ends up fucking you worse. Stick to white lies like. " of course you haven't gained weight since the lockdown sweetie." Dumb, white lies like that help and most women love em. Or " yes baby i did miss you while i was gone for 5 mins at the store" jah feel? Ja feel.
     
  11. Almost lost

    Almost lost Fapstronaut

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    Thanks very much for the perspective I am setting my self up for the 90day challenge in hard mode.
    The lies I told were about me braking a 90day hard mode and not communicating my issues with her
     
  12. Alexander Babu

    Alexander Babu Fapstronaut

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    Y'all very lucky at least y'all have got relationships. I'm 22YO and I still haven't been in a single relationship. It's not that I've problem with porn addiction or any other things. I'm deaf. Which woman is going to date this sad sight of pathetic soul? And I can't believe there are people sacrificing their relationships just because of porn. It's not worth it, dude. Love is precious. Preserve it.
     
  13. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Being deaf does not make you a sad pathetic soul. There is some one out there for you. My daughter, unbeknownst to me, has been teaching herself sign language. She came home, excited, because a deaf man came through the drive through and she was able to sign to him. She said the happiness on his face when he realized she knew sign language, made HER day! We don’t even know anyone who is deaf, so I asked her why she started teaching herself. She said” so I can communicate with deaf people when I run into them!” My daughter has the softest heart. She said she’s not very good, but good enough that he understood. You’re still very young! You have lots of time.
     
  14. Alexander Babu

    Alexander Babu Fapstronaut

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    Your daughter has good heart. So, you must be a good father. I'm Deaf. But, I don't know sign language either. And Thank You for your kind words.
     
  15. Almost lost

    Almost lost Fapstronaut

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    Hi Alexander. You are right love is precious. Porn is destructive.
    I feel for you being Deaf is very debilitating. You have a choice to how you see yourself there is a special person out there for everyone. It starts with believing in yourself.
     
    Alexander Babu likes this.
  16. Alexander Babu

    Alexander Babu Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your kind words. Alexander is my fake name, obviously. Also, don't take your Love for granted, man. That's what I was trying to say.
     
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  17. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    I’m the mother, but I will say she does have her fathers heart. He too, is soft hearted. Why don’t you learn sign language? I’m having her teach me a little, and it’s fun to learn ( but I’m really bad, lol). I forget easily.
     
    Alexander Babu likes this.
  18. Survival 3 Man

    Survival 3 Man Fapstronaut

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    When you meet women in public try your best not to lust because it will make recovery impossible, getting away from porn might not be enough lust is a big problem you need to tell yourself that could be someone wife spray the lies with truth and move your eyes away or walk away. The flesh is weak so flee from sin.
     
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  19. Alexander Babu

    Alexander Babu Fapstronaut

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    Sorry. I guess I just assumed that women in NoFap are rare. Seriously, you must be a good Mom then. And about sign language, I don't think it'll be useful for me. There aren't many people in the world like your daughter who learns sign language so the deaf people doesn't feel left out. I'm only deaf. But I can speak well. Fortunately, I wasn't deaf since birth. So, the outgoing communication is good. The incoming communication is the only problem. By any chance, if I meet someone who knows sign language and uses it to communicate with me, that's when the sign language is useful for me. But, I don't see that happening in the foreseeable future.
     
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  20. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Lol, no problem, my husband is the porn addict. My daughter is amazing, as she is so compassionate for others. She really does get that kind heart from her dad, I would’ve never thought about learning sign language. But, since she’s learning I thought I might as well too! I do think I’ve tried to raise all my kids to be kind. They are are super thoughtful and compassionate and giving. Now, at 22,20,17 they are so much fun to be with! I kept waiting for the horrible teen years that everyone talked about but they never happened. You will find someone who loves you just the way you are! I’m praying that each of my kids finds awesome partners to share life with.
     
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