Porn has escalated me to extremity, what do I do?

What you describe is classic porn addiction and escalation. I would think you just need to stay away from porn for an extended period of time, hopefully a 90 day hard mode would be extremely helpful. Don’t make any judgments about yourself or presume any of this means you are a certain way or not. Your mind and body are flooded with poison, and you need to detox. In the short term you will need to do whatever to “white knuckle“ it through this period of time. That can be trying to exercise, meditate, read literature about this issue, journal etc. it would be most helpful if you have other people to talk about this issue with. That could be a therapist, a trusted friend, join a recovery group, etc, whatever you can do to distract yourself away from the urges and pull this has on you. You also need to do self-care and treat yourself with some compassion. You aren’t what you have been doing; you are a good and valued human being who has got caught up in this. Know that you can recover from this, and there is hope. I’m not going to sugarcoat it though, this takes a lot of hard work to do. In the longer-term though, you’ll need to dig deeper to learn about and try to understand the deep roots of why you chose this behavior to deal with your emotions, your anxieties, your fears, your longings that were not being fulfilled. That’s the harder work but it it is the necessary work that will pay off in recovery and freedom from this affliction. You can’t do it alone though, you need other people and you need the support and help from other people. Glad you are here as a starting point, and there are many supportive people here who are willing to help. Best wishes.

 

What you describe is not as uncommon as you might think.
It DOES get better. Stay engaged here, others share your struggle, your doubt, your fears. It's ok brother, you're in the right place.

 

Trust me, if we were sitting down eating breakfast and talking, you'd be shocked how similar all our stories are, it's the porn.

And I tell you another thing, if your therapist doesn't recognize porn as addictive, you might think about a different therapist. Acceptance of the addiction is step 1 to recovery, that acceptance includes your recovery partners.

 

I agree with the other guys who have responded to your post. It is the porn that has done it. It is toxic and poisoned your mind. It twists our thoughts and leads us down paths we don't want to go and wouldn't think of going. I do believe though that once you are away from all porn you will start to see clearly again, think clearly again and not through a distorted, fuzzy, haze

 

Your P induced fetishes will go away with time and absence from porn. One thing that can help is realizing that theres nothing shameful in anything you described. Its a normal escalation, and accepting you have these P induced fetishes will not increase their power at all. In fact, it will make them less tabboo and decrease their power over you. Stay away from P for at least 90 days and you'll see. Good luck

 

Yeah, it's the feeling of isolation I've found that hurts the most. But when you realize a lot of other people have been affected in the exact same way, you realize it's no big deal. Just radiation poisoning, or like a company dumped toxic stuff into your water supply. I also have porn-induced fetishes that are quite embarrassing. In fact, the fact that you are able to say out loud what yours are from the beginning is impressive.

 

Finding out your not alone in your secret shame is incredible isn't it? Together we can walk out of the dark hell we've put ourselves in.

 

This is fairly common mate. I know a dude who only watches lesbian porn. That doesn't mean he's a lesbian right?
It's just dopamine. Dopamine spikes.

 

Bless you brother, me too. I miss the old me, the normal man I used to be.