Porn has now taken precedence over food. I need help.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Gmajor1991, Jul 17, 2017.

  1. Gmajor1991

    Gmajor1991 New Fapstronaut

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    I'll try to keep this to the point. I'll start from the beginning.

    I'm 26. As a teenager, I used to indulge to internet porn for maybe an hour after homework, a couple of nights a week. I didn't think about porn outside of that. When I was 20 I got my first laptop and started finding out how to download gigabytes of porn for free. It has been practically my only pastime since.

    Last year after a bad binge I threw out my hard drive, a library of over 180GB of still images which I had compiled with the drive and focus of a Smithsonian curator. Losing it was like seeing the Library of Alexandria burn. But it didn't help to curb my habits.

    The situation is so bad for me now that pretty much all the pleasure I used to take in life has now been diverted to porn.
    I cleared all the porn off my laptop and phone for the several dozenth time (a normal binge usually starts with recovering my recycle bin files, along with re-downloading gigabytes of my favourite stuff) but I still find some in there in the corners, like sand in my backpack after the beach.

    A normal PMO session for me now can last anywhere from nine to fifteen hours, stopping only to hastily get water or to use the bathroom. This happens on the majority of my days off from work (I work shifts). Days off without porn have just become days to get chores and gym sessions done to keep myself functioning, before indulging again.

    It's been three hours since I last indulged and I'm already jonesing and worried about how bad my cravings will be. I'm already getting the feeling that life won't be as enjoyable without porn, but I know that feeling will be temporary. I just hope I can do it as I'm sick of living like this.
     
  2. Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    Isn't your dick raw?
     
    Sadgirl likes this.
  3. Gmajor1991

    Gmajor1991 New Fapstronaut

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    Not really. During a binge my focus is on finding and downloading porn, more so than masturbating. This is actually part of the problem; the urge to M only really comes on after I've been scrolling though tabs and sites for a little while. Opening one image or video isn't enough for me anymore.
     
  4. Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    Do you have death grip?
     
  5. Gmajor1991

    Gmajor1991 New Fapstronaut

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    No
     
  6. Millenial

    Millenial Fapstronaut

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    You need to get a bit better at keeping your laptop/devices porn free. As you know, if it keeps popping up in some random folder it can trigger you.
    I'd conduct a really thorough search of your laptop and make sure you delete everything.
    Then if you have to download more.. keep a good eye on where you are storing it!
     
    Gmajor1991 likes this.
  7. Protagoras

    Protagoras Fapstronaut

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    Being sick and tired of being sick and tired is usually how many of us arrive here. We are disgusted with the things we do and finally are ready to get help. Check out the suggestions at the top of this forum. Read other people's journals and see that you are not alone. Reach out to any of us if you need help.
     
    Gmajor1991 and Deleted Account like this.
  8. WuTangFinancial

    WuTangFinancial Fapstronaut

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    Getting rid of all the material is a great first step but clearly it will still be quite accessible. Do you live alone? Having that freedom usually prevents accountability.
     
  9. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    This will destroy your life if you keep partaking of it. The claws of addiction will dig deeper into you until you start looking for more darker stuff. Get to 90 days no pmo and beyond. You need a whole lifestyle change, stay offline as much as possible if you need to.
     
  10. Joe1023

    Joe1023 Fapstronaut

    If you live alone, I would suggest Covenant Eyes or a similar program to help you with accountability. Another possibility is to get an external hard drive or dropbox account and backup all (but only) the files you need, and wipe the hard drive clean after that. Then you know you'll never come across something accidentally. Bottom line in my opinion is that you need accountability.
     
    WuTangFinancial likes this.
  11. Gmajor1991

    Gmajor1991 New Fapstronaut

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    At the moment I live with friends, but my room has all my stuff (and my sofa/"reading nook") in there, which is very problematic.
    However in two weeks, I'll be moving to a new place where my bedroom only has room for sleeping and storing clothes, as it should. The living room and other chill-out areas will be shared. I think that'll help
     
  12. WuTangFinancial

    WuTangFinancial Fapstronaut

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    Being around others more often should be very helpful to your situation. Accountability is important if you are having trouble keeping yourself in check. As others said though, it is important to wipe the stash and relinquish temptation from familiar sources.
     

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