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Porn induced fetish or what..?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Deleted Account, Oct 15, 2019.

  1. I got a question about whether my so called presumed fetish is the real me or its something that porn has put into my brain. I ended up on extreme porn such as cuckold, double penetration, etc. The thing is, when I was watching cuckold porn, I wasn't watching it with the intention about being in the cuckold spot at all, I watched it I don't know why, but maybe because the pornstars were hot and when you're searching porn you are already turned on a lot because of so many things in front of you. The videos were bad but I won't lie, I was hooked onto them for some time.. I regret it. However, in reality, I was a different person, I didn't like any guy looking at my girl, I didn't like anybody flirting with her. So I got traumatized after realizing and these two people are really really different. I decided to quit porn. When I quit PMO, is when the tables turned. I started getting urges about cuckolding, I kept looking at myself whether I felt aroused by it and shit. I slipped into an OCD where I kept testing myself to see if I got aroused to these kind of thoughts. Sadly, I did get aroused to it a lot in the beginning. I also went into depression after seeing this response from my body to these thoughts. I made a long streak of 31 days once, that's when I started to see progress. Eventually relapsed to booty images, escalating back to cuckold porn ( didn't jerk off to it, was just curious whether it still turned me on) Well it did. I don't know what they do in porn which makes you hard but i find it terrible seeing myself aroused to this pathetic thing. I started being really depressed and fell in very bad phase. My mind is playing terrible games with me, imagining my girlfriend with other guys, sending arousal to wrong things. I have been dating her for 2 years now, and the fact is that I love her a lot, I see her as a part of my future, having my kids and a lot of dogs.All this didn't happen until I realized I was putting myself in the cuckold's perspective. I never imagined her with anybody else ever. I don't know if I am a cuck or not. But It really disgusts me. It's been a while now, the thoughts don't affect me the same way but I still have some arousal at times, around 30-40% if I think about a situation for a long time. Do you guys think this is a porn induced thing in me and will I ever be alright from this kind of stuff. Because I really don't want to ruin my life this way.
     
  2. It would be really helpful, if someone could pull me out of this mess I've created. I'm 18 right now, I don't want to ruin my life at such as early age because of such a stupid mistake. I want a normal life with ups and downs but not something of this sort, because I really won't be able to live this way. It is turning me on for some xyz fucked up reason, but it really puts in me some state of mental anxiety and depression. I get a terrible feeling of fear. Its like my body tries to warn me about something danger. A cuck wouldn't be mentally depressed after thinking about all this obviously? I fucking get to verge of crying, but still cannot control whats down there. Will this eventually change or will I have to put up with this shit forever?
     
  3. romeolima

    romeolima Fapstronaut

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    I would say it's porn induced because it's porn that's put it there, clearly this is where you have seen this imagery and this idea.

    I think like anything it may never go away, the idea will always at some level have an effect on you. However, as you go through you porn free journey that thought will get smaller and further away.

    I'm not there yet either but I think about porn and porn scenarios far less now than I used to.

    I wish you good luck.
     
  4. Sounds porn induced. I was at that same point. Started porn early, just vanilla porn. Escalated over the years. The past few years i got into cuck porn. I imagined myself as the cuck and the bull usually a BBC. I never had the interests before porn, or the porn progression. I got into a lot of taboo, fetishes, etc. Was also really into bisexual porn and alot of MMF, DP, DV, although id never before had an interest in men. But thats porn for you. Quit porn now and overtime those attractions will fade.
     
  5. Someone can pull you out? Noone is going to pull you out, you will have to work on it on your own.

    Main issue I see is lack of responsibility -
    "I know its bad but its not my fault" which leads to
    "its not my fault - I am not responsible" which leads to
    "if I am not responsible why should i suffer and stop"

    You have to get serious about it, serious means it is now a priority in your life. But not just a priority, serious means you share it with people close to you.
    If you are hiding it from people close to you, you are not serious about fixing it.
     

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