Porn induced HOCD

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Matty007, May 9, 2017.

  1. take a long break from PMO... that's going to help you reset.
     
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  2. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    Bro you have to realize your brain is tricking you @Matty007
     
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  3. Dwelling on the thoughts only makes you more anxious. You should try and come up with ways to refocus your thoughts when you're feeling anxious. If even for 10-15 minutes. You have anything you like to do which would fit the bill? I, for example, play online chess, so I focus on a move for a little while.
     
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  4. diddykong

    diddykong Fapstronaut

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    What I've realised is that the OCD comes on stronger when you're stressed. That's certainly an observation that I've made and it makes sense as OCD is primarily an anxiety disorder. So my theory is that you could have been very stressed or anxious about something which lead you to relapsing and hence would have worsened the OCD.

    The thought of a gay sex scene is just an intrusive thought. We get hundreds of them every day, most of them we just shrug off because they don't mean anything. It's the OCD which is attaching meaning to something that has no meaning. The intrusive thoughts will probably never go away but the way that you react to them can. This isn't going to be something that you can will or wish away - it takes time and hard work to fix.

    Are you doing the Four Steps when the OCD thoughts come on?
     
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  5. Matty007

    Matty007 Fapstronaut

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    How do you get over the guilt of looking and fapping over gay, shemale and bi porn ? How do u get over once being kind of aroused by it ? Thats all I'm struggling with the guilt and regret of looking at it I've tried to pass it off as porn escalation and addiction but I still feel depressed and guilty about it and feel like I can't love a girl again, so how do i get over the guilt and regret and forget about it ?
     
  6. diddykong

    diddykong Fapstronaut

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    I think you need to work out what it is that's making you feel guilty. Your brain is stupid - it can get aroused by anything. What I think you have is a discord between what your primitive reptile brain gets aroused by (hint: anything) and what your rational higher functioning brain is attributing significance to. There will be some deep fear which your brain has walled off and is trying to hide from you and has created some wonderfully elaborate compulsions in order to do that. OCD often perpetuates out of a need to protect or nurture people - handwashing rituals are often founded, on the surface, in a fear to not spread disease but when you drill down deeper it's often because of an underlying desire to protect loved ones from disease.

    Regret is just something you have to move past. It's an irrational feeling because you know that you can't change what's done. That's what the rational bit of you is saying anyway. Working out what the root cause of that shame and guilt will help you move past this.
     
  7. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    @Matty007 Bro you have to accept what porn made you did and move on. It was hard for me to accept a gay dude blew me but hey! I moved on. Did it made me gay or bi? No! So stop worrying about it. When your brain js addicted to porn it makes you do and think crazy shit. I remember I got horny if anyone touched my dick by brushing against it on accident. It felt like a massage lol but hey it went away! Stop worrying. Everyone feels guilty about the things they did because of porn. You watched it but some people actually acted it out and it traumatized them. Be glad you didnt act it out because you would have a worse case of HOCD.
     
  8. Matty007

    Matty007 Fapstronaut

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    I know I've been asking alot of questions recently but this one I really need to say
    Last night I was in bed on day 2 was thinking about like girls and girl on girl massages me then suddenly the 2 girls in my mind turned into men and I was one of them and then I started to feel aroused by it and ended up getting a erection over it and it even felt like I liked it while I was imagining it and then it stopped my erection went down and it was like I came back to myslef and thought what am I doing I didn't like that and then I started to feel sick and depressed over what I'd done started to say I must not be straight
    Why did this happen because thoughts like this have happened before while on the first days of no pmo
    It's really annoying me coz I hate the idea of it
     
  9. Matty007

    Matty007 Fapstronaut

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    Is this something to do with years of watching porn and viewing bi and gay porn because I got the erection over a gay sex scene in my head so could this be because I'm imagining sex and I've got hocd and it will clearly give me an erection and make me feel aroused and that i like it, but if I did like it and was aroused by it why did I feel sick after it and felt like it wasn't me
     
  10. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    @Matty007 yeah its due to porn. Dont worry dude I've been having these weird gay thoughts pop up in my head about being in relationship with men. Anything homosexual will pop up in your head. Its all HOCD. You're not the only one @Matty007 we are all going through this.
     
  11. JamesRK

    JamesRK Guest

    It's not my goal to invalidate anyone's experiences or apply labels to anyone else, but I feel compelled to bring a different view into the mix.

    While I acknowledge that there are men who begin watching gay porn due to excessive porn use (and also advocate for lesser porn use in general), I, as a gay man who once was 14, relate to a lot of what you are describing. I began watching gay porn because it aroused me immensely, and once I had finished masturbating, I always felt extremely anxious and guilty. I told myself for years that I wasn't gay despite regularly enjoying – and subsequently regretting – gay porn and gay thoughts. Between my religion and the idea that I had that I could not be satisfied in a romantic relationship with a man despite my sexual feelings, I was utterly convinced that I was straight with some problem that could be fixed.

    It took years for me to realize those attractions weren't fading, and as I thought more about being in homoromantic relationships, I realized that it was societal conditioning, not my innate thought, that made them objectionable. However, coming to terms with that wasn't easy. I started to realize "something was wrong" when I was 14, I didn't become comfortable with the label "gay" until I was 17, I didn't come out to anyone until I was 18, I didn't go on a date with a guy until I was 20, and I didn't have a sexual relationship until I was 21.

    One thing that I will say that is very different than you is that I never got too into straight or lesbian porn. It never did much for me, and while for the longest time I maintained that I had romantic attractions to women, the sexual attraction was not there for me. And I would venture to guess that having the level of attraction to women you described, means that you aren't gay, but remember sexual attraction isn't a binary. There are bi people, asexual people, pansexual people, and those that use different labels.

    Again, I'm not trying to project my life experience on you or assign you a label. You may be gay, you may be straight, you may be bi, or you may be something else. It would be ridiculous to ask someone to figure that out in the span of a few weeks when they are 14. I also think it's a good idea to slow down or stop porn to get a clear head to figure that out. However, remember that sexuality isn't black and white, and realizing that being queer isn't a bad thing.

    As someone who grappled with gay feelings as a teen, I know advice not to worry about it so much isn't going to be helpful. When I was struggling with my sexuality, it was a huge part of my life that I couldn't ignore. However, do try to take some comfort in the fact that even if you do find yourself with some non-straight identity, it's just one part of your life, and while it isn't always the easiest, it won't stop you from having a fulfilled life in general.
     
  12. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    @JamesRK have you had these gay feelings before you were 14? How did you see the female body? You said you was not sexually attracted to the female body.
     
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  13. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    So you started off watching gay porn that means you already had some type of attraction @JamesRK. My friend @Matty007 has a girlfriend right now so I can clearly see he's not gay because he loves her and wants to be with her. Porn can lead to HOCD which is thinking and feeling homosexual. I understand your story and I respect that you're trying to help but I just dont want you scaring the kid. I'm not trying to start an argument. Just saying...
     
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  14. JamesRK

    JamesRK Guest

    Again, I'm just providing an alternate perspective.

    When I was a teenager, I did have an on-again-off-again girlfriend. I cared about her very much, but the attraction wasn't there. (Like I said, I was never very attracted to women.) I also have a friend who has been in a monogamous heterosexual relationship for four years who recently came out as bisexual. It doesn't mean they plan on leaving their SO or ever acting on a same-sex attraction, just acknowledging that attraction as part of their identity.

    Not to be redundant, but I'm not labeling anyone or trying to scare anyone with a label. I'm noting the fact that at 14, one doesn't have to have his or her sexuality figured out and that there is nothing wrong with being non-heterosexual. While the thought that one might have an identity other than straight is alarming at first to that person, it is a real possibility and nothing to be scared of.

    When I was 14 or 15, I was disgusted by my sexual feelings, in total denial I was anything but straight, and it was my life's mission to make the feelings go away. Living in a conservative area and having those thoughts myself messed me up, and if I had someone promising me I was heterosexual and these feelings were guaranteed to go away if I stopped watching porn, it would have messed me up even more.

    I'm not advocating for anyone to continue habits they aren't happy with, especially in regards to porn, but if what someone diagnoses as HOCD is actual bisexuality, it isn't the end of the world. There are plenty of queer people living perfectly happy lives, and there's nothing wrong with partaking in consensual same-sex relationships. In short, I'm trying to say that the "worst case" or being gay or bi isn't anything to be scared of.
     
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  15. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    You clearly stated that the attraction wasn't there. But you didn't answer my question yet. Before the girlfriend did you still have attraction to the guys? So you were a closeted gay.
     
  16. This. @BoBo129, he's right. While I don't doubt your intentions, I don't think it's helpful to provide those assurances. Aside from the fact that it's unlikely you can diagnose a stranger's sexuality over the internet, there are two possilities:

    1. our OP is dealing with HOCD, in which case providing assurances is actually not useful, as it reinforces the 'checking' compulsion. Rather than learning to cope with the obsession, the sufferer finds a place to get temporary relief which won't last.

    2. Our OP is discovering his sexuality. If that's the case then you're reassuring him of something untrue and slowing progress. Again, not helpful.

    As I said, I don't doubt your intention, but if you want to help, the advice has to be to learn to cope with the underlying anxiety (including the possibility that he might be gay, bi, etc) and only then will he be capable of really knowing his true feelings.
     
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  17. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

  18. JamesRK

    JamesRK Guest

    @BoBo129 , to directly answer your question. I didn't start dating the girl knowing that I had same-sex attractions, but it also wasn't like I woke up one day and decided I had same-sex attractions. It was a long process before I decided definitively on liking anything in particular. It probably started shortly before she and I started talking and it wasn't until long after we parted that I accepted any gay feelings I had as legit.

    What complicates things is living in a very heteronormative world, where all aspects of culture are pushing heterosexual relationships. Long before I knew what sex was, I saw heterosexual relationships as the ideal, and for all my life I imagined having relationships with women. Hence, I had what I called a romantic attraction to women, which I think was more of a cognitive jump upon seeing an attractive woman that she would be ideal to date. Hence, I grew up with straight crushes since kindergarten, but the component of sexual interest was never there.

    However, to get back to the main point, I'm not trying to label anyone, define anything, or scare anyone. I'm just saying at 14, no one has to be aware of their sexuality. A person can be straight, gay, bi, asexual, demisexual, pansexual, or whatever, and that's all okay. Having a non-straight sexual orientation shouldn't be panic-inducing.
     
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  19. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    Mmmm I finally understand now.
     
  20. Matty007

    Matty007 Fapstronaut

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    I understand what your saying and thanks for the response but i know I'm not gay at all because these thoughts have only recently occured in my life and it was after alot of porn use and escalation I would always watch porn with girls in and I rarely ever picked bi or shemale porn over lesbian or straight.
    I'm in a strong relationship with a girl I love very much and have a romantic and sexual attraction to I have had this loads of times before.
    Your response did give me a spike of anxiety but it's fine because I know I'm staright because everytime i do no pmo and get the days up I'm on day 3 now the thoughts slowly stop and I start to realise that I'm staright and what was I even worried about and also I've noticed that when I'm with my gf the thoughts completely go and I'm really happy thanks for your responses tho I appreciate it even tho it did give me anxiety but thanks anyway
     

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